Summary: This is a confession, if you haven't noticed from the title.
I always see him. He is either hanging out with his friends in the hallway, flirting with some girl, or in one of my classes. When I see him I go weak in the knees and my heart rate increases. I think that I shouldn't be going to P.E. anymore. My heart rate is already elevated. He doesn't notice me. He never did.
All of last year was hell. He didn't realize I was alive until he saw me in the mall that one time. I don't even know how he knew my name. He never so much as looked in my direction. It's sad.
I used to hate him for an unknown reason. I really didn't want to since I didn't know him at all. I used to just look at him and feel my throat rippling with disgust.
This year is different. He actually talked to me, for a while at least. He used to say "hi" to me every once in a while. I was content with that. We even had some short conversations. I bet I looked stupid talking to him. I probably turned as red as a tomato! I always do when I talk to any boy. It's sad and pathetic. I can't control myself! He has to insist on saying hi to me in the worst moments (i.e. When my allergies are really bad and I look as if I've been crying, a lot, and after gym, when I'm horribly sweaty and red in the face from the exercise).
Well anyway, he talks to me and then the next day he ignores me. It's like he doesn't want anyone to know that he actually said "hi" to me. Ugh! Then he has to hug me when he trips me! It was so uncomfortable for me. I don't like being touched (in any way, shape or form). I'm most definitely not a touchy-feely person. But he mistakens it for nervousness. Idiot! I swear I can't stand him sometimes. But other times I'm a complete blotch of strawberry Jell-O. And it's all because of him! No one else ever made me feel like a complete and utter foolish freak from the planet Neptune.
I never wanted to be with a guy more than I want to be with him! I know that this is just a crush/infatuation. I don't know enough about life to say that it is "true love". Even if I did, I wouldn't say that it was because I know I'm only attracted to him. It's not like I want to go down his pants. I'm not that sick! I just want to shove my tongue down his throat! Is that such a crime?
Usually, nearly everything we want is not something that we need. It's actually something that is bad for us. And this infatuation is highly unhealthy. I'm losing sleep because of him! I can't sleep because I keep thinking about him. I know I have to get over this, but I really don't want to. I like feeling like jell-O goop. I like the heart flutters. Crushes and infatuations make me feel alive, whether or not he knows that I'm alive. It's sort of fun staring at crushes, following them around the hallway, and figuring out crushes' schedule and "stalking" them. It all makes life seem normal.
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A/N: I don't know what to say. so please review. This is the first thing I ever wrote on and I would like to get your opinions and criticisms on my writing. I would also like you to review so I know that someone out there is reading this.