My Modest Proposal

It is a sickening sight for those of us who are vegetarians when we dine at prestigious restaurants or are guests at an acquaintance's illustrious, exquisite dinner party when we are forced to endure being served the roasted, marinated carcass of an innocent farm animal, who is also one of God's beloved creatures, followed by the further insult of a second course and questioning as to why we aren't consuming the meat products which have been served.

I am confident that even though they deny it the vast majority of the general population probably feel similar to myself about this very serious issue; and therefore would welcome any attempt to bring this disastrous, catastrophic situation under control; to supervise the cuisine industry as the way the whole of Britain eats is revolutionized; and to command and lead our great nation whilst changes are introduced and take place.

I have discussed this matter to some extent with the chairman of the Vegetarian Society who assures me that if we were to enforce a tax on all restaurants serving meat products then that still wouldn't halt the slaughtering and intake of meat and poultry.

I will now obsequiously enunciate my solution to this incredible dilemma.

I am certain that if this kingdom were a carnivorous-free environment then the country would be a much healthier locality; I therefore propose my suggestion to the general public and also to the figures who are of a higher rank in the social hierarchy.

This is what I put forward; meat products will be banned from all supermarkets, delicatessens and retail establishments; any meat, which is found after this ban has been imposed, will be seized and suitably destroyed; and any individual caught in the possession of any sort of meat will be immediately arrested and taken into police custody. If their offence is serious enough then they will be offered to the breed of animal, which they had been devouring. If that particular animal refuses to eat the individual, then that person will be destined to a lifetime of service in the 'Meat Patrol Police'; an organisation that will prosecute those violating these new regulations and be underway as soon as my ideas are authorised by the government and passed as laws.

A further advantage of my ingenious scheme is that overall the United Kingdom will be a much healthier society and the percentage of the population who are overweight or obese will be greatly reduced; also, the amount of vitamins and minerals which vegetables contain would benefit those who don't generally eat enough food with the necessary ingredients included.

Furthermore, each individual adult who owns a residence together with a garden will be required to grow at least three varieties of vegetables, dictated by the government, so that they can produce their own food and lessen the strain on other recognized vegetable providers.

I cannot think of any objections that will arise after my plan has been put into practice, as many citizens will realise what a wonderful change for the better this is. However, if anyone dare challenge the new policies then they will be dealt with accordingly and be taxed so that those obeying the rules will be rewarded.

In all honesty I am not so narrow minded as to the point where I cannot even consider anyone else's ideas and suggestions to solve this dispute; although, their solution would have to be as effective and satisfactory as my own, Firstly, the main objective of their scheme would have to be to end animal cruelty, which is my very own purpose, and secondly, their plan would have to embody a suitable answer to the conundrum at hand.

I once again state that I have nothing personal to gain if this strategy was put forward and into action; I have no hidden agenda or motive other than attempting to transform our noble commonwealth into a finer region.