eMPLOYER – eMPLOYEE rELATIONS

Okay, so, who would like to go first? Come on, let's have someone stand up and tell what his or her problem is, why they're here.

LUIS: I'll go.

Hey everybody. You can call me Luis, although my friends call me The Guy Bringing The Light. It's a long story, don't ask. Anyway, my problem is with you. All of you. You don't know me. You don't know who I am, what I want, what I fear, what I dream. You don't know my pleasures, my pains. And yet you hate me.

Everyone hates me. Everywhere I look I see people blaming me for different things.

And then there's him.

He's this big shot, I'm sure you've all heard of him. At least, I'm sure that many of you know about his kid, J-C. Cool kid. Anyway.

So back when he was starting this thing we were cool, we were down. I was at a real nice position, kinda like his right-hand man. He made me what I am today, really, which is why I sorta owe him my life.

As I was saying, we were all tight and stuff, and that's when I started getting ideas for the organization. Ideas coming outa my brain! I knew I could contribute, make things better.

So I went up to him, I told him what I had in mind. Boy, was that a mistake. He turned a deaf ear, didn't once listen.

So I did the next best thing, I thought, well, okay, if the boss doesn't want to listen, maybe my pals will. I mean, if I get enough people listening, there could be some real nice reforms.

So yeah, there was a nice number of guys who were actually interested in what I had to say. Oh, and meanwhile, my boss starts this huge project, universal if you know what I mean. I'm talking astronomical, global, that kinda thing. Real big. And the thing about my boss is, he works like that. If he wants something done, it gets done, trust me. So he starts up on Monday, and come Saturday he's got the whole thing ready and along comes this guy, how can I forget, name was Adam. Ooh, suddenly he's the new big shot. Suddenly all us guys gotta listen to this new head honcho. Ooh, I'm shaking in my friggin' boots.

Needless to say, I objected. I couldn't work for this new jerk, no way. And some of the other guys, the guys I was talking to about the reforms, they were behind me on this one.

So we take it up with the boss, and yeah, that was my second biggest mistake. See, my boss is one of the most adamant guys you'll ever meet, which you all probably won't… he just don't take 'no' for an answer, especially from the guys who are supposed to be working or him.

Down we go, shot down, cleared out. Cast. Out.

My boys and I couldn't take it anymore. That's when we started the Fight, and I ain't talking about a mere dispute. I'm talking, all-out, no-holding back Fighting. The organization was split. Half of them came over to my side, half to his. Terrible stuff, really, I really didn't want it to happen like that, believe me. But it was way too late, the boss got real angry, and I find myself sent off to Pittsburgh, no not that Pittsburgh, I just call it that, after we lost the Fight, along with my buddies.

Oh, but I wasn't gonna take defeat that easy. No sir, I sent my guy off to that place where that jerk Adam lived, and, here's the clever bit, I sent my guy after Adam's girl. See, the boss had specifically ordered both Adam and his girl not to go near his favorite tree, so my guy, that old snake, he sweet-talked the broad to not only go near it, she friggin' picked a fruit from the thing, a definite no-no with the boss.

I hear later that the boss was furious at her, and him for going along with her later, and that he sent them away.

Now the boss has told me that he'll give me a new job, for old times' sake. It's alright, pushing tin, you know. I'm supposed to make sure Adam and his girl, along with their kiddies, don't go start doing more stuff to tick off the boss, by making sure terrible stuff would happen to them if they did. And of course he starts spreading this propaganda about how I'm the bad guy and the enemy. How's that for employer-employee relations.

So like I was saying in the beginning, I'm hated everywhere. You people blame me for everything bad, and it hurts, it really does. But you know what? I figured out something while talking to you guys. This is who I am, this is me, this is Luci… Luis. Light-bringer. Prince of the dark stuff. Anybody seen my pitchfork, by any chance? Must've misplaced it coming in.