A/N: This was an assignment for my creative writing class. It imitates the style of Garner's Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. This is not an extremely popular fairy tale. If you want the original version, go to b/b

Once upon a time, there was a young wommon named Robyn whose mother had become nonviable after an extended illness. After grieving in a healthy manner, Robyn's father married again. Robyn's mother-of-step found Robyn's physical characteristics more suited to the traditional male concept of beauty than her own, and was very jealous of her. She forced Robyn to do harsh manual labor daily while scheming to eliminate the young wommon from her life without physically harming her. Finally one day, the mother-of- step handed Robyn a pasta-straining device and instructed her to fill it with water from the Well of the End of the World and bring it back to her.

Robyn decided that she would take the pasta-straining device and search for the elusive Well, because she found her current role of housecleaning for her mother-of-step unfulfilling and thought this was a good excuse for a quest for something better. As she walked along the road, she asked everyone she met if they knew where the Well was, defying the traditional concept of not talking to strangers. Unfortunately, the location of the Well of the End of the World was not common knowledge.

At last, Robyn came upon a chronologically advanced and vertically challenged wommon of enhanced mysteriousness. The wommon gave Robyn directions to the Well of the End of the World in exchange for a piece of bread. Robyn followed the wommon's directions and finally arrived at the Well. Robyn spent several minutes considering the problem of using the pasta-straining device to carry water. She was unaware that a frog was watching her until it cleared its throat rather loudly.

"What's the matter, little girl?" it asked. Robyn decided to ignore its sexist, sizeist, and ageist remark for the time being. "Nothing's the matter, strictly speaking. I'm simply attempting to fill this pasta-straining device with water from the Well of the End of the World and have not yet happened upon a tenable solution." "I know how you can fill it," said the frog in a smug fashion that showed his male supremacist nature. "If you promise to do whatever I tell you for an entire night, I'll tell you how." Robyn shuddered at the thought of being dominated by a male (even a male frog), but she agreed.

The frog said "Stop it with moss, and daub it with clay,
And then it will carry the water away."

"Why didn't I think of that?" Robyn complained. She brutally ripped some moss from its peaceful role in the ecosystem near the well and filled the pasta-straining device with it. Then she filled the cracks with clay. She dipped the pasta-straining device back into the Well of the End of the World, and this time it held the water. She decided that since she had achieved what was supposedly impossible, she may as well taunt her differently-likeable mother-of-step with the results and headed toward home.

So she returned to her home and showed her morally-challenged mother-of- step the pasta-straining device. Of course, her mother-of-step was furious, but she didn't say anything, and didn't consider the possibility that the water in the pasta-straining device wasn't from the Well of the End of the World (which it was, but it might not have been).

That evening they heard a tapping near the bottom of their house's door, and a masculine voice which said

"Open the door, have a heart,
Open the door, we have a deal!
Remember the words we spoke this afternoon,
At the World's End Well?"

"Who's that?" asked Robyn's mother-of-step. Robyn told her what had taken place at the Well.

"Little girls must keep their promises," said the mother-of-step in her culturally-inept fashion. "Go open the door." "No!" Robyn said, but her mother-of-step lifted a large axe from the corner, and Robyn changed her mind. She opened the door, and in hopped the frog as if he owned the house. Robyn sat down dejectedly.

"Let me sit on your lap, have a heart,
Let me sit on your lap, we have a deal!
Remember the words we spoke this afternoon,
At the World's End Well?" said the frog.

Robyn said "No!" again. "Do it, you nasty little wench!" her morally-challenged mother-of-step yelled, reaching for the axe again. Robyn let the frog sit on her lap, reluctantly. Next it said,

"Give me some food, have a heart,
Give me some food, we have a deal!
Remember the words we spoke this afternoon,
At the Well of the End of the World?"

"Do I ever," grumbled Robyn. She set a hamburger patty on the floor and shoved the frog off her lap. "Hey! I'm a vegetarian! Cow-exploiter! Cow-exploiter!" bellowed the frog. Robyn said "Let's respect each other's lifestyles, here!" The frog reluctantly agreed and opted for some bread and carrots instead.

After finishing the meal, the frog belched loudly and spat out:

"Go to bed with me, have a heart,
Go to bed with me, we have a deal!
Remember the words we spoke this afternoon,
Down by the cold and weary well!"

Robyn refused very loudly and angrily this time. "That's just disgusting, you male supremacist/heterosexualist!" she shrieked. "All your requests up until now have been reasonable, but I feel violated by the obvious connotations of this-"

The mother-of-step interrupted her by waving the axe menacingly. Robyn snatched the frog and stomped up the stairs in a way that explored her masculine side. She sat on the edge of the bed all night, keeping a close watch on the frog. After what seemed like an eternity, the sky began to lighten. Robyn breathed as quietly as she could, hoping the frog would sleep until dawn, when she would be liberated from their contract at last. Suddenly the frog belched loudly and awoke. It said

"Chop off my head, have a heart
Chop off my head, we have a deal!
Remember the words we spoke,
Down by the cold and weary well!"

"That's the first sensible thing you've said all night!" said Robyn, quietly, so as not to awaken her father and her mother-of-step. She grabbed the frog and ran downstairs with it, snatched up the axe, and positioned his head carefully on the stone floor. She chopped his head off, and began calmly wiping the axe head on the lacy nightgown which her mother-of-step made her wear, forcing Robyn to accept a traditional gender role and thus traumatizing her for life.

She turned and looked at the frog carcass, but in its place stood a vertically-gifted, melanin-gifted, and pleasingly-visaged prince!

He explained, "This witch cast a spell on me and turned me into a frog. The only way for me to become a prince again was to have a girl do my bidding for an entire night, and then have her chop off my head. So, will you marry me?" he finished illogically.

"DO YOUR BIDDING?" Robyn shrieked. "WE HAD A DEAL! THE DEAL IS OVER!" She chopped off the prince's head with the axe and ran away into the forest, where she established a colony for like-minded womyn and lived happily ever after.