If I had known where life was going to lead, I would never have suggested keeping this diary. I knew from the beginning that, if we were all completely honest as we had promised, reading it back the next year would kill us. And yet, I didn't stop it. Maybe something in me knew that Johnny had always been right, we were never meant to be together. We were never meant to stay friends. Not all of us, anyway.
But perhaps, before I start this, I should explain.
There were six of us together, graduating from high school. We had called each other friends for years. To tell the truth, though, friend was not the right word. None of us had anyone outside of each other, so we grew into something bordering what some might call friendship. For some of us, that's what it was. Unfortunately, that wasn't what got us anywhere.
I suppose it all started because Johnny hated parties.
As stupid as it sounds, it's true, but I guess there's no way for me to really explain, now is there? Honestly, I'm not even sure I understand what happened. You'll just have to read it for yourself.
So, to borrow from Johnny, welcome to our teenage apocalypse.
~ Aryn McKehny
-
June 13, 2003
As friends, we owe each other a certain degree of honesty. Being human, this honesty may not appear in our day-to-day interaction, seeing as it is not always easy to acquire the courage tot ell a friend what we truly think. This book is where we make up for our short falling and mistakes. Here we will not try to hide the truth, but attempt to bare our souls to those we trust above all others.
The Terms
1. Everything must be one hundred percent honest.
2. All entries will be read as a group one year from now, June 13, 2004.
3. No one is allowed to read anyone else's entries before that date.
4. Anyone caught reading some else's entry will be banned from the book.
We hereby agree to these terms and entrust our future secrets and inner workings to the integrity of this friendship which binds us together.
Aryn McKehny
Donna Kelt
Donni Kelt
Samuel Becker
Louise Peterson
Jonathan Parker
-
Johnny: Johnny Hates Parties
June 13, 2003
I'm the only one sober and the only one without a license. Typical. It's always like this. They're always like this. I can't even trust the ones I can trust. When it gets down to it, they all forget I even exist. Even Aryn forgets. Maybe that's why they call me Ghost.
I remember Donni started it. He read this book and said I reminded him of the character Ghost. When I read it, I didn't really agree. I felt more like Nothing, and Aryn seemed more like Ghost than anybody. It was sort of flattering, though, and the nickname stuck.
So now I'm Ghost, and I feel like a ghost. I'm too antisocial for the group I'm in, which means I don't really belong with them. But I don't belong anywhere else, either, which I guess means I just don't belong. I know they don't really like me much, but the thing that holds us together is that no one likes any of us enough to play friends. We might hate each other on the inside, but we al have that in common, if nothing else.
I'm tired of being hated, but I know it'll never stop. Whether other people hate me or not, I still hate myself. Maybe I even hate myself more than I hate parties.
How many times have I said all this, though? How many times have I tried to die? How many times have I wondered if, for once, I might not fail? How many times have I wondered, only to discover that I just didn't have what it takes to end something I never wanted to begin?
And how many times will I come to a party and wonder why I don't just remember how much I hate it and say no?