1One day, Bob decided to run for president. Bob was a neophyte at politics, and had never run for any type of office before but when he asked his more politically experienced friend Motorcycle Dude for his benediction, or approval, Motorcycle dude gave more than his blessing, he offered to be Bob's running mate! This deal was bilateral, or two sided- Bob would have an experienced running mate, and Motorcycle Dude would have a chance to overcome his xenophobia, fear of strangers, and fear of public speaking! Unfortunately, the candidates from the opposing teams were filled with malevolence, or evil intent, as politicians often are. One of his opponents was the running for re-election for his second term. His name was Geremy Shrub. Bob's other opponent was the misanthrope, or people hater, Kristina Mustard.
"Okay Bob, the first thing we gotta do is make a slogan, and put it on posters, buttons, and pencils. Then we gotta figure out what your stand on important things is," advised Motorcycle Dude. "That's what I did when I ran for high school president."
"The first thing we have to do, M.D., the first thing we have to," corrected Bob.
"Yeah, that's what I said, the first thing we gotta do!" responded Motorcycle Dude.
"Anyways, why should people vote for you? What have you done that people might admire?"
" Well, I found a cure to neomismaticidomnipsuedosanguitis, I sat on a telephone pole with one foot completely submerged in water for 3 weeks, 4 days, 18 hours, 52 minutes, and 7 seconds, and I babysat Kristina Mustard's cousin for a few days. That's pretty much it," replied Bob.
"Come one! Haven't you done anything magnanimous?" asked Motorcycle Dude.
"Magnanimous?"
"You know, great minded!"
"Well, I, uh, I became friends with you!" exclaimed Bob.
"Hm. I don't know. What do you think of this?
'Bob for President
He cured neomismaticidomnipsuedosanguitis
He can cure America's problems!'"
"Mm, I guess its ok, lets make a prototype, or first model," replied Bob. The two went off and printed up a flyer with that slogan on it.
"It's too long!" exclaimed Bob when they tried to print it and the second line went off the page.
"Ok, well, how's this one?
Bob for President
He's my friend, and he can be America's too!"
"Pretty catchy, M.D.! Where do you come up with these?" asked Bob
"I guess I'm just omniscient, or all knowing, Bob" joked Motorcycle Dude.
The two friends went along with their campaign, not muttering one malediction, or curse, or anything else that might look bad in the media. Geremy Shrub also did a good job campaigning, as he was very experienced in this type of thing. Kristina Mustard's campaign strategy was amorphous, or shapeless, and it became clear that all she would do with the country would be to turn it into a great mob of Andrew Cutter fans. Finally, election day came. When the votes were tallied, everyone was incredulous, or not believing.
"The choice seemed to be between only Bob and Geremy Shrub for president this election, and boy was it a close race," came the newscasters voice through millions of people's TV's and radios. "The final results are: Kristina Mustard with 0.03 percent of the votes, Geremy Shrub with 48.6 percent of the votes, and BOB WITH 51.1 PERCENT OF THE VOTES! BOB WINS! WOO HOO! BOB WINS! OH YEAH!" The newscaster stood on the table and did a victory dance. "Uh, excuse me folks. What I meant to say was that the candidate from the Friendly Party won this election by a hair! What an election!" said the newscaster, sitting down and regaining his poise. Meanwhile, Bob and Motorcycle Dude celebrated, with a great throng of new friends made during the election.