8(First we have to find them.)
"Good point. So how dowe do that?"
(You're the wizard. I'm just a cat.)
"Sorry." She paused in dep thought, since this was such an unsolvable problem. "Starbright?"
"What?"
"Help me!"
"Why don't you use your book?"
"Perhaps you should remind those readers that think the story is confusing about the book."
"Well, those who don't like it didn't read the fist two, so I'm not too sympathetic. It's like watching a TV show once and being upset because you don't get it. Like the first time I watched The Simpsons? Man, was I lost. I had no idea who these people were or why they were acting the way they were... it was total confusion. But did I complain? No! Instead I watched rerun after rerun until I understood even the subtle nuances of the plot, and then, only then, did I comment. In fact..."
"Okay, Starbright, now you're ranting," Diane interrupted. "Also, you just compared this stupid story to the greatest show on television today. That's like the time my best friend compared himself to Gandhi... Oh, I was mad. Like, he's some aggravating anarchist, and he goes and compares himself to Gandhi..."
"STOP ALREADY! I'LL DO IT," Heatburn finally screamed. "In case any newbies are going to read this and complain they don't get it, in the first book Diane finds a book in the library that contains a totally random story. The interesting thing is, she can summon any character from the book by saying, 'Daddy, my cats are all made of hamburger,' followed by the character's name. ARE YOU GONNA STOP RANTING NOW?"
Starbright looked scared. "Okay, sorry Heatburn. Now, as I was saying, you should call the psychic from the book."
"Okay," said Diane, who probably could have come up with that idea by herself. "Daddy, my cats are all made of hamburger psychic."
Instantly the psychic appeared, carrying a bottle of Live Wire from Mountain Dew.
"Wait! Side note," said Heatburn. "When the people appear, they bring a bottle of Live Wire. That was also from Nonsensicality, the first book."
"Who are you talking to?" the psychic asked.
"The audience. A few of them were confused."
"Oh. Okay. Now what were you gonna ask me?"
"Where her-" Diane indicated the cat-creature-"kittens are."
"First, what're you gonna pay me?"
"Wait! Heatburn interrupted again, "We should clarify. Normally, the characters do no require payment. but the psychic, from Return to Insanity, the second book, is a spoof of a paid psychoforensic scientist from Diane Duane's book Stealing the Elf-king's Roses. So she requires money."
"Well," Diane went on, since Heatburn's comment was an aside and thus did not need to be responded to, "I have ten bucks. And you can keep the Live Wire."
"Muchas gracias," said the psychic with a perfect Spanish accent, much better than the author's. "Now about those kittens..."
"Wait!" Heatburn interrupted yet again. "We need to clarify. The psychic does not speak Spanish. She says 'muchas gracias' because it's anotehr way to say, loosely, 'thanks much' or, in proper English, 'thank you very much. Also, this is a random story and anything can happen."
"They're in the locked third-floor corridor."
"Wait!" Heatburn, in traditional style, interrupted. "That's from Harry Potter."
"Well, I'll send you back," said Diane. "Cihcysp..."
"Wait! Heatburn interrupted. "From the first book: To send back a character, Diane must say the character's name and the spell backward. 'Cihcysp' is 'psychic' backward."
"...regrubmah fo edam lla era stac ym, yddad."
"'Daddy, my cats are all made of hamburger' backward," put in Heatburn.
"Now, off to find those kittens."
Starbright stopped her. "I think... remember the author's policy?"
"In the first two books, only one important thing happened per chapter," Heaburn clarified.
"I think she's brought it back," Starbright said as the chapter ended.
"Now do you get why you think it's confusing?" asked the author.