What I feel for you, and what I feel for him

Your torso is apon me

And I touch your naked chest

I stroke your neck and kiss your lips

And against your groin I press

But my eyes are squeezes tight

I forget my senses, and imagine with all my might

That you're not you

That you're him instead

I know I shouldn't have this vision

But he's here inside my head

I want to explain

But I don't know where to start

You can touch my naked body

But he can touch my heart

I humor you

And fake an interest

But when it comes down to what's beating inside my chest

It's not you

It's him

He knows me inside and out

I can count on him without a doubt

He looks at me and I can't help but smile

And I forget you for a while

For just a second, I'm with him and he's hugging me with all his might

For just a second, I'm with him and we kiss and cuddle all through the night

For just a second, we're more than friends

For just a second, you're not real

For just a second, I can act on al these crazy things I feel.

But a second is so quick

And soon it's done and gone

Soon I'm in the reality that all I feel is wrong

That it's not him

That it's you

It's you I have to touch

It's you I hold

It's you I kiss

To you I fake this much

You have no idea

And neither does he

What goes on inside of me

I don't know why I'm untrue

I don't know why I fake

I don't know why I'm with you

Or why I haven't took the chance that's there to take

Why haven't I risked it all on him?

Why haven't I listened to what's within?

Am I scared?

Surely not

Too proud to admit that

And right now pride is all I've got

But am I proud as I lay here

Kissing with lying lips?

Touching with lying hands?

When I smile at you I don't mean it

And no one understands

To be honest I don't understand myself

It doesn't matter

Nothing does

Not as I lay here

With you apon me

And I imagine what could be

I lay here – it doesn't matter about my pride

I lay here – with so many things to hide

I lay here – I'm with him

I lay here – you're not real

I lay here and I'm trying to understand all the crazy things I feel