Written on 10/24/03 - 10/26/03
I wish things didn't change.
Why can't it be like before?
Before, when we laughed with each other
Instead of fighting with each other.
Don't you miss the old times?
The times when I felt like I could tell you anything.
Tell you what is on my mind.
Tell you how I felt.
Tell you my point of views on different topics.
Tell you what happened during my day.
Now I feel that if I tell,
Tell you these things
I would get yelled at
Or be given a lecture about the topic.
Oh, how much I wish things could go back.
Back when I wasn't always sad or in pain.
Back when I didn't feel as if I had to watch what I said to you.
Back when I didn't know what pain and disappointment was.
But, as I think
Think of those days
I know that things will never be the same.
You will never be the same.
I will always know what pain and disappointment feels like.
The only thing I can change is me not being sad or in pain.
But, as easy as it seems.
Seems like it is.
Change will be very hard when you can't control
Control how people treat you.
Because that is what helps control how you feel.
And it seems like,
Like no matter how hard I try.
Try to be happy.
Someone will always make me mad
Or say something which would be very painful.
Why does it have to be like this?
Why does it seem,
Seem like the older I get
The farther the distance gets between you and me.
I hate that it has to be this way.
But, for now,
That is the only way it can be.
And when that eventually changes
I will be a very happy person.