I was only a young girl that time it happen, didn't even understand the situation. Now, as I look back, I began to understand what had actually happened, something hard to be explained but can't be left unexplained too. I wish it wouldn't happen to her, my sister. I wish it would happen to me instead, for then she will not have to deal with so much pain...
Jade was my sister's name. Just like her name, she was always the diamond in school and in the house. She was always adored by friends and relatives. Jade was 17 years old that time, and I, only 9 years old. She was finishing her senior year. Everybody likes Jade for she was like the most perfect girl in town, and yet, on the inside, Jade never liked who she really is.
There was always an "imperfection" on herself that Jade wouldn't stop complaining about. How her mind made her think that she was fat, ugly, stupid, et cetera et cetera. Though she always seems to pass exams with flying colors, she never seems to actually satisfy herself. There was a time when she said to me, "Control your mind, think only of what actually satisfy yourself and do not ever think of any imperfection that you have or you'll end up like me, Cassie". I never quite understood what she actually meant at that time, but now, remembering what she had once said, I realized that I knew exactly what she was trying to tell me.
During our 2 months summer break, I noticed that Jade was looking slightly thinner than usual and eyes red and puffy as though she'd been crying every night, which she had. She had been dieting from the start of this holiday and will simply not touch anything that is fattening, mainly burgers. She had been feeding herself with only veggies and healthy snacks. At that time, I never knew what she was actually thinking of herself, but I was pretty sure she was mocking herself on the inside, which she seems to be doing a lot at that time.
Mum and dad started getting worried too. They tried to talk her out of what she had been trapped in, which is her own mind, thinking over and over of how bad she looked. Mum and dad told Jade to stop stressing herself, that it was the holidays and that she should be enjoying herself, that she was looking very fit and healthy and that her dieting should stop, but as she was trapped inside her own mind and beliefs, Jade simply ignored them. Those three horrible words were now stuck in her head, chanting over and over and over again rhythmically, " fat, ugly, stupid, fat, ugly, stupid..."
During the next month, mum and dad tried almost everything that they could to help her. At that time, I could only watch mum and dad yelling over Jade's bedroom door, which had now been a cave for Jade to hide in, yelling to her to stop with all this negative thoughts that was running through her head all the time. Sometimes, mum even cried late at night, like Jade had always done. Jade never stepped out of her bedroom, out to the hot and sunny weather of California. At that time, I'd never even once helped her through that tough moment, how now, I wish I had.
Finally, two weeks later, mum and dad called an old friend of them, Dr Suzanne, a psychiatrist who had saved a lot of people from their minds, to help Jade. Jade had locked herself up in her room, face hidden beneath thick books, eyes always watery and body like a single stick. Each time you knock on her door, there'll be a silent scream coming from the inside of the room. Sometimes I can even hear her screaming and mocking to herself, "You're horrible Jade!" or "You're too ugly and you're just too fat!"
It was already the second semester of school, but Jade still locked herself up in her bedroom. Dr Suzanne came to our house everyday, leaning against the locked door and saying spiritual words to lift Jade to her normal self. She had always said to Jade, "In life there are always obstacles to be faced and I know that you'll manage Jade, free your mind and fight your way out".
As usual, at 11 o' clock in the morning, Dr Suzanne would come over to our house. She knocked on Jade's door as usual to let Jade know that she's already there but this time there was only silence. No screaming heard. Dr Suzanne knocked again. Silence. Hearing about this, dad went to her room and banged on the door. The second time he did it, the door swung open. And there lay Jade, as peacefully as ever, on her bed. Her right wrist full of gashes, clearly, Jade had commit suicide. Mum and dad called her name over and over again but there was no reply. I remember the feeling I felt that time when a single tear ran through my cheek and then another, and another. The once joyful sister I had loved was no more in the world.
Jade's funeral was held 2 days after her death. All her classmates and teachers and all our relatives along with Dr Suzanne came to gave their last respect to her. It was amazing, isn't it, how the mind can control you; trap you inside it, making you do things that even you could not believe. Jade had found a way out, suicide. Hopefully Jade had come to a realization that things aren't and will not always be perfect so we just have to be the best that we can. I hope, Jade Emily Richardson will finally rest in peace..