The Goodbye
by the Cheshire Cat
I keep thinking of everything you do and say
For you told me once
Everything had a reason
Everything had a meaning.

But I sit here
Watching nimble fingers typing away
And I ponder
Is it really true?
Do you really mean all the things you do?

I've been reading everything
Devouring the knowledge as if it were
The very blood of life
And perhaps paranoia on my part
I feel as if somewhere down
I'm almost breaking apart.

She, she, she
They all chase and run after you
You with your beguiling smile and laughter
And that irresistible charm and flair.

How could I compare with them?
How could I ever measure up?
I'm just this girl
Short, tanned and fat
With a brain and persona
That's just so fucking messed up.

Every night I ready to pack my bags
I thought leaving you would be a better effect
But if after everything you said
Of the meanings and our mistakes
Would I ever dare to let it all go to waste?

I need a back-up plan
I need a lover on hand
I need to know that when you do walk away
With one of the many many there
That there's someone for me to fall on to
Someone to mend the pain.

But there's no one
I'm stuck with you
Perhaps I feel their envious glare
But each time its as if I'm losing you.

I guess its not meant to be
For I shouldn't really feel like this
I shouldn't want to tear myself up
Just to make sure we never break apart.

I'll tell you I love you now
As you sleep
Eyes closed and mouth shut
I'll plant a little kiss on cheek
For you to remember as you breathe
And when you awake the next morning
Don't be surprised to find an empty bed.

I did love you
Maybe not enough
Now I'm hoping someone
Could make things alright.
I'll miss you
Every inch and hair
But I know you'll push through.
For after all
That's why I fell for you.


- end -