8Summary: Was it love or lust that brought her first time…? One-shot
Rating: PG13
AN: Just randomness I wrote. Please Read and tell me what you think.
The Perfect Sin
More than anything, I wanted the experience of love. I wanted the joys of sex. I wanted it all. I never had anything like that. Sure, there were a few boys throughout my high school years. But no one I partially was really interested.
I was lusting after him and I knew it. But he was older than me. He wouldn't want me. I could have had anyone else. The football jock in English, the dorky pianist, or him. Conveniently enough, he was friends with both of those guys. The football player had a girlfriend already.
I was quite disappointed to see that my football player had a nice little girlfriend of his own. She was one of the prettiest girls in high school. Blonde hair, perfect figure, with no flaws. I knew her. She was nice. Seeing them flirting and their body language discouraged me. I had no hope with him. Maybe I could have seduced him if I had wanted to. All guys wanted one thing. But he wasn't the one I really wanted after all.
I was a friend with the piano player as well. He was a bit of a dork. He still had braces, glasses, and was pretty smart. He was better at a lot of things than me. And my best friend, you could call her, had a crush on him. She never told me, but I could tell. The way she constantly hung around him, annoying him. It was amusing. And it made me want him to have him.
I wanted to beat out my friend. I was better than everyone in my younger years. But with the merging of the schools and the new friends, I was no longer number one. I constantly kept befriending people better than me. I was jealous. Every girl seemed to be prettier me. I had long, dry and damaged auburn hair, and plain brown eyes. I was plain and normal looking.
I was never skinny and I wasn't that fat. Just average. My breasts were bigger than many of my friends, but I always was self-conscious and wore baggy clothing. Everyone seemed smarter and I kept making friends with people who could do everything I wanted to do.
My best friend had a singing voice. The one I've always wanted. She had more friends and she was more outgoing. I wanted to be more like that. I started to be more open and outgoing. But I was still was pushed to the back. I was ignored. I never shined as she could. And that's why I wanted my pianist friend.
I could beat her. Just for once I could beat her. I could finally have something she wanted. I could win. I daydreamt about what I could do to win him over. He was older than me, only by year, but didn't seem interested in the younger girls. We were a bit annoying, but that didn't stop us, especially her, from hanging around him.
That was before I met him. He was the pianist's best friend, I guessed. He hung around more often. And then I started to hang around more often. He went to my middle school. That's where I remember him. I remember my friends from back then had a crush on him. At first, I never was interested. But I became interested. It just happened one day.
I wanted him more than the others. I didn't know if I was truly in love with him or if I just wanted sex. Was it just my hormones? I was so confused. But I knew only one thing. I wanted to be in his arms and I wanted him to hold me tight.
He was everything now. His name...Nicholas. I wanted everything to do with him. I kept track of which hallways I would see him and said 'hi' whenever I got enough courage to do so. Whenever my friend was busy talking to him, I was sure to hang around just to get a look at him. Call it a crush, perhaps it was. But I felt more...
I was getting tired and tired of waiting. Normally I was a patient person. I couldn't help but feel impatient. I had no idea if he had any interest. He talked to me, sometimes in a flirtatious way and sometimes in a normal, friend type of way. I wasn't good at openly flirting. That was my flaw.
It was fate, I figured. Fate. I went to a party one night. I was suppose to meet my friend there. She never showed up. There was beer and booze all around. People making out here and there. Drunken idiots making fools of themselves. I hung around, waiting for my friend. She had to come. She wouldn't abandon me.
I didn't know anybody there. It was scary and not that reassuring. I was offered cigarettes, beer, and more. I just wasn't into that stuff. Not even to be cool would I ever do it? I walked around and amused myself with this new environment. This was a look into a whole new world I was never a part of.
I saw him there in the corner. Nicholas. He was having a conversation with someone, but they wandered away. There I debated with myself. It was the perfect opportunity. I could have him now. No friends to stop me. We were both alone. It was now or never. I certainly didn't pick never. It was now.
I slowly approached him and greeted him. I was surprised to find out he was relieved to see me. I happened to be the only one he knew there. We hung around and talked. I was alone with him, for once. It was my only chance. I touched his hand. We turned silent and he looked at me.
Was it love or was it lust? It was my sin. His skin brushing against my skin. My body against his, both bare. Filled with passion and temptation. I would have no regrets. It was his lips upon body and my fingers upon his. It was my scene of making love. It was special.
I wanted him and I had gotten him. No one had known what we had done. I did not feel dirty, but felt reborn. I wanted him so bad. He was my obsession and kept me awake most nights. I had felt his touch and I had gotten him. I felt newfound love between us. I was his and he was mine. But does love ever last?
I never found out if it was lust or if it was true love. And I don't think I ever will. I think now, I never really wanted to know. I was afraid of the truth. Love is a beautiful thing. It's a strong emotion. It brought me my desires and pleasure. It brought me security.
It was the perfect sin.
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