Wish to Freedom

Awake and seeing
Dreaming of things never to be
But wishing, oh so wishing
That they could be.

I see the smile upon your face,
But where does a smile come from?
What does it really mean?

I can't smile anymore,
My heart's wrenched into pieces
Watching as things get more and more fucked up,
More and more destructive impulses.

I've been told I'm insane,
I've been told I'm a masochist,
I've been told that I really need to see a shrink,
I need some pills,
I need some help.
No surprise there,
Not with what my life has become.

Nowhere to belong,
And a need to be needed
A need to be wanted
A wish to be held,
In the way that a girl
Is supposed to be held
By one who is more than a friend.

Love is such a fleeting thing,
I can't remember what it felt like,
Can't remember what must have been bliss,
Now all I know is pain.

The damnable stress is tearing me to pieces,
Cutting me in two
I don't know what I'm doing anymore,
I don't know where I'm going.

Help me remember who I am.
Someone remind me that I have a purpouse,
That I have a place to be,
A mission to fulfill.
A life to live.

I don't know who I am anymore
I don't remember love,
But hate. Hate I know.

The burning rage,
The feeling of revenge.
The lust to fulfill
A destructive impulse
A dying wish.

Fuck optimism,
Fuck religion.
Screw the bastards who are keeping me here,
Give me wings,
Bloody wings.

Give me a home to come home to,
Rather than a war zone,
A swarth of hate and pain,
Destruction hidden, concealed beneath
That innocent face that you show
To the blasted world.

You like to think we're normal.
Well, if I'm so smart as you say
To those you say such things to,
Then there's no possible way
That I could be normal,
In the way you want me to be.

If you know that I'm as smart as I am,
Stop trying to control me
You don't understand me,
You can't comprehend me.
You never will.

Give me a place to run to,
Someone to come home to,
A place that I can actually call home,
A place where I can belong,
Set me free.

Give me wings,
To fly away from here.

~Thanatos K. Ahriman