Running Away
Running away has never been a solution to problems - even if it is an effective way. But many people still do so anyway.
My brother - he happens to be one of them.
He locks himself up in a room, unwilling to face anyone. He does not eat, talk or sleep. He only sits in the small confines of his room, leaning against the door - not uttering a single world, allowing the darkness to wrap its dark, cold arms around him. The darkness envelops him taking away his soul, his feelings of anger, hurt and pain ebbing slowly away from him. However, his feelings of joy, laughter and excitement disappears at the same time. By then, he is blinded the darkness. And my mother's words have failed to reach him.
In a way, my brother and I are similar. We both run away from our problems - from people and reality. We are alike, yet different. Different because he attracts the attention when he runs away, while I, on the other hand, do not bask in the attention - as the walls that I've built around myself shield me from the light that attempts to be shone upon myself.
I hide behind my mask almost all the time, masking my feelings and emotions - afraid to be revealed and exposed. I've done it all so well that I've even begun to deceive myself at times. It's really all too easy wearing a mask, which hides and disguises my inner feelings. The cheerful facade stays on revealing nothing but the occasional irritation and anger. But the pain stays hidden - behind my mask.
However, sometimes the world comes crashing back onto me. The weight of the world is all too heavy for the walls to hold it up. And the walls break apart, revealing my inner being to the whole world. Making me feel exposed and vulnerable to pain and hurt. It is during these times when the sensation of the pain becomes verwhelming and unbearable; when the cold, abandoned tears start welling up in my eyes - blurring my clear vision as I allowed the darkness to embrace me once again. And each time after my facade was broken; I picked up the broken pieces, hardened my resolve and allowed the walls to be back in place again. It was good to have the walls back.
Well, failure had been the cause behind my brother's ultimate breakdown and it eventually led to his reliance on the darkness. Because to him, success was everything. And failure was nothing, or the lack of everything - like intelligence, essence and pride.
It was his poor definition of failure that led to his despair, because he did not understand that failure does not equate stupidity. It does not determine the lack of essence. Neither does it involve pride. Failure, actually, is a learning experience, from which one grows and learns from. And yet, ironically, it was the nearest exit to the darkness.
Failure nurtures the most successful of all people. But yet it inexplicably encourages many to run away. My brother is running down the pathway of despair. And very soon, he'll be lost and unable to find his way out of the darknesss. But I hope he turns around and make his way out of the darkness, towards the light - before it is too late. Like it has been for me.
First off, thanks for even bothering to skim/read through this. I'm apologetic for all punctuation, grammatical or vocabulary errors that might be present, as one, my language is just mediocre and seriously needs help and two, I'm only human. And to err is human.
Well, all constructive criticisms/flames/feedback welcomed.
AC
November 3rd 2003 / 20.59
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