"Unless… unless… unless…" Khaki went on, his face lighting up with a look similar to that of a man who has recently ingested too much caffeine or alcohol or been stuck in the gut with a sword unexpectedly. Khaki looked like that a lot, mostly because he often was ingesting too much caffeine, alcohol, and being stuck in the lower abdomen when he wasn't getting great ideas.

"UNLESS WHAT?" shouted Sami, losing her temper remarkably quickly for a member of an enlightened society.

"Unless I pose as Ryan the Smuggler and take over his cargo. Later, sweet cheeks. Ciao. I'm gonna be rich!" Khaki smirked as he made his way out of the table he and Sami and the id of Ryan had been seated at, grabbing the latter.

"NOT ON MY WATCH!" yelled Sami, again increasing the ratio of capital letters to lowercase letters. She dove after Khaki, filled with an enormous greed.

A few minutes later they had extracted their limbs from their entanglement and were seated again at the table.

"Sorry about that," blushed Sami, speaking in lowercase letters for the first time this episode.

"Hey, no biggie. I get women throwing themselves at me a lot," Khaki pondered, remembering the lovely two headed blue lady he had met on the last planet. She was really great.

"DON'T MAKE ME HURT YOU!" yelled Sami again.

"Hey, s'okay. Calm down, sweetie."


"Fine, swee-"

Sami glowered at him.

"Okay… anyway, I'll probably need a business partner to help me with the plan. I'm lysdexic."


"Yeah. Can't write or read real well. Letters hop around, even when I'm sober."

"It's called dyslexia-"

"-yeah, that's the word-"

"- and I'd be pleased to help."

"Great. You can pose as my wife."

Sami growled.

"Girlfriend? Sister? Mother-"

"Do I look THAT OLD?"

"Mmm, good point."

"I'll pose as your SISTER."

"The problem is that Ryan doesn't have a sister. Or wife."

Sami downed another beer.

"Guess you'll have to pose as my girlfriend. Hopefully, you won't have to pose for too lon-" Khaki quickly shut up.


"Ahh, whatever."

"How will you match Ryan's profile? You DON'T look like him."

"No prob," Khaki blissfully insured Sami. "I got a hacker friend."

"What district? He's on Penhasink, right?"

"Yup. In this very city, yes. In the Ottoman District."

Sami stared. "I've never been there! You risk your life just walking down the street!"

"Yeah, well, you do that in this district too."


"Let's go!" Khaki announced, pulling Sami away from her twenth ninth beer, which she was swallowing for courage. "If we run out of this place fast enough, we won't have to pay."

"Isn't that stealing?"


Sami grinned and ran, shoving Khaki into the barkeep, who quickly extracted the tab from Khaki's deep pockets while Sami ran away.

Khaki stumbled out of the bar, and blinked at Sami wearily through a blackening eye. "You waited."

"Only because you have the id and you know where your hacker friend is."

"Thanks, Sami."

A few hours later, Khaki and Sami bounced their way to Shuttle Help, Information, and Transport.

"Hey!" Khaki said, looking up at the neon sign which bore that title. "Aw, no, it's SIHT, not what I thought it might stand for."

"Yeah, definitely a dyslexic," Sami said to herself under her breath, walking up to the counter.

Khaki joined her, and spoke to the droid behind the counter, introducing himself as Ryan and handing his id over.

Five hours later, Khaki was screaming at the same droid. "ALL I'M ASKING IS TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO IS NOT SILICON BASED!"

The droid gave the same answer it had given to every comment Khaki and Sami had made over the past five hours.

"Am I really worth it? Have I made a difference? Am I loved?" it pondered, staring up at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Midandroidlife crisis," Sami surmised, and grabbed the id away from the thoughtful droid. "C'mon. The ship should be that way. The holding counter is just a formality."

Khaki squeezed his stress ball.

"Here we are."

"What a great ship!" Khaki exploded, his stress ball forgotten as it tumbled to the ground.

"Not that one, the one next to it."

"What a greater ship!" Khaki gushed.

"The one on the other side, Khaki."

"I was afraid you'd say that, Khaki grumbled as he made his way towards the grimy ship.

"Maybe it's just a cover. Maybe the cargo inside is actually really great, and the ship is just messed up to cover it up," Sami trailed away hopefully.

"Better be."

Five minutes later they had uncovered the cargo.


"And they're not even nice stationary sets," Khaki said sadly. He opened one, and a small pencil, one sheet of lined notebook paper and a tissue paper envelope fell out.

"What crimes did we commit in previous lives to deserve this?"