Away From You

So many times I had wanted to hug you, make every problem in the world disappear and watch it wash away. I look at you now and you're happy without me. How can I deny you that? I know now that I cannot deny you anything. Relationships do the strangest things to a person. It's a mystery, a wonder and a heartache. You were, to me, all of these things.

I made myself unknown to you, I hid and I vanished from your sight. Why did I hide, how could I hide, from someone I once liked so much? It's simple, because it hurts me to see you happy with somebody else.

You further break my heart by loving someone else. I was merely a stepping stone. Used once and I know you'll never walk back. I'll be left in the river with others who have been used in the same way. I can only hope you're happy now. Truly happy and not because of anyone's expense.

You love her because she's pretty, beautiful and everything else I'm not. I had always thought you different, that you see beyond all of that. I was so wrong.

You cannot know her the way that I do. She's my best friend. She's my eyes, my ears and my trust. Friendship is a strong bond. You hide this secret in you thinking I will be blind to it. You're once again wrong. You don't know me at all. I've known you've loved. I wish it wasn't true, and do you know what? I wished I had listened to myself, because I wouldn't be like this now.

She's flirtatious, outgoing and brave in her way. She'll give you what you want and she'll break your heart because that's what she does. You take her signs as if they mean more. It'll hurt. It'll hurt more than what I feel now.

I wish I could tell you these things but you'll take it the wrong way. I no longer care if you love me or not. I don't care whether you will ever give me a second thought. Either way I will still be here.

One thing I don't want is for you to come crawling back. I'm stronger than that and I will not fall into your trap again. You get hurt, it's your fault. You were blind like so many of them. I'll be ignored; my warnings will just be a nuisance. I'll be the bad guy and somehow you will be the good.

I don't wish it upon you to get hurt; I no longer wish revenge on you. I cannot hate you long. It is an impossible feat. You seem happy now and it hurts me. And when you're sad and heartbroken it will also hurt me. Whichever way I will lose, it's an endless cycle of pain.

You can love her, I won't stop you. However I will stop you from coming back. You won't be greeted with open arms because I have built a barrier and drawn a line.

A mystery, a wonder and a heartache. It's what life's all about. Second chances don't exist for you anymore. I no longer wish to make you happy. I want the happiness and the strange thing is it will be away from you.

Author's Notes: Gosh, I have never actually published this. A very old fic but very important to me. It was the one that spark all my writing. Things have been edited but then again things have changed. Sigh. Reviews would be appreciated.