There are those certain feelings

That make me lay up in my bed

Staring at the ceiling

Wishing I was dead

There are those certain nights

That seem to last so long

I think of my day in the glare of street lights

Remembering all that went wrong

Those days when I just feel

I'm as far back as I can be

And that my friends aren't real

They're just pretending to be nice to me

Like I'm a spectator in a giant game

That I could never hope to win

They never accepted me no matter what I became

I'm on the outside looking in

Those days I seem to alienate

Everyone I'm near

Trying not to be angry trying not to hate

Wishing I would disappear

Wondering how everyone would act

If I was simply gone

Would my life had made an impact

Or would they simply carry on

How they would feel if I was to die

If I was no longer there

Would they smile? Would they cry?

Would they even care?

That question keeps me up so I can't sleep

Well into the night

Thinking about, as I count sheep

Testing if I am right

I have to find a better way of dealing

My midnight ponderings I have to quit

But for now I've put posters on my ceiling

I find that helps a bit.