Selfishly

I can no longer keep you to myself. You made me believe and hope but in return I gave you empty promises and pain. The tears of a selfish being, my tears.

It's quiet and peaceful. Quiet, it's something I love, but you already know that because here you are beside me. You brought me here because I needed it. But, I no longer wish for the calmness, instead for a clearer answer.

We're surrounded by trees; you know I love them too. I can see a lake that glitters against the sun and here you are lying beside me. It's not a dream because I pinched myself many times to make sure. Yet, somehow it seems too good to be true.

You're eyes are closed but you cannot lie. You're not sleeping; you're merely trying to make me believe it. I smile knowingly and play along. I rest my head on your shoulder. You always complain that it puts your arm to sleep but you do no more about it. Reflectively you wrap your arms around me, holding me closer. I put my hand to your chest. The heat from your skin radiates my own skin. It makes my blood tingle but there's more beyond that, beyond the flesh and beyond the blood that curses through your veins. Through all of that lays your heart. You once told me that it beated just for me. I wish you hadn't said that. I'm afraid that I may break it.

I move a finger to your temple and trace it down your cheek to you chin. I map out every feature that intrigues me about you, from the eyelashes covering your blue eyes to the unique curves of your lips. Little thing like that, that made me fall for you. I brush your eyelashes and under them I know that I will find the clearest of blue eyes I have ever seen. I brush my thumb over your lips. You kiss it gently and I smile.

Your arm holds me closer and I fall into the rhythm of your heartbeat. I'm tired, I'm happy and it's all I need to fall asleep next to you.

The beating is better that any alarm clock or wake up call. I fell asleep to that sound and I wake up to the same rhythmic beat. I look at you and you're still sleeping. I get up slowly and walk down to the lake. I stand on the edge my toes dipping into the cool water. I sigh and look out to the emptiness in front of me.

The sun sets and so will this day, so will this moment and so will this part of me. It's selfish of me to keep you for myself only. I'm nothing more than a dreamer. I look at you and you give me hope but deep down inside I know that it can never work. I know that it must end.

'Everyone deserves another chance, another try,' that's your motto. I don't want another chance because I know I'll break your heart again. I don't trust myself.

I feel a kiss on my shoulder and strong arms wrapping around me. I lean back into your embrace. It's safe and it's familiar.

"Another day," you say it as it truly is a new start.

"Yes, another day," I say it with pain because today ends soon and tomorrow I no longer have you.

Author's Notes: This was an unfinished piece of work. It actually still is. I like it this way though, it leaves an open page.