9I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.
-Robert Fulghum
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An anxious mother was questioning the Princeton University President, Woodrow Wilson closely about what Princeton could do for her son. "Madam," the exasperated Wilson replied, "we guarantee satisfaction or you will get your son back."
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Mothers are great. When I was teaching, a mother once wrote me a note about her son. It said, "If Gregory is a bad boy, don't slap him, slap the boy next to him. Gregory will get the idea."
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TEACHER: Why are you laughing?
PUPIL: I'm sorry I was just thinking of something.
TEACHER: Once and for all, Jane, remember that during school hours you're not supposed to think!
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A little fellow in the second grade remarked, "I ain't got no pencil, teacher." The teacher groaned and said to him, "It's 'I don't have a pencil'-you don't have a pencil-we don't have any pencils-they don't have any pencils. Now, do you understand that?" "Not really," the kid replied. "Tell me. what happened to all them pencils?"
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TEACHER: "I'd like to go an entire day without scolding you!"
STUDENT: "Well, teacher, you certainly have my permission."
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You send the child to the schoolmaster, but 'tis the schoolboys who educate him.
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When the pupils were assigned the task of writing an essay on 'The most beautiful thing I ever saw," the least aesthetic young man in the class handed in his paper first with astonishing speed. It was short and to the point-"The most beautiful thing I ever saw was too beautiful for words."
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Crazy things kids write on tests:
1. The difference between a King and a president is that a King is the son of his father, but a president isn't.
2. Often when people are drown, you can revive them by pounding them in the belly, but not too hard. This is called resurrection.
3. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
4. The future of 'I give' is 'I take'.
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The Great Cliché: Don't worry about it. It won't be on the exam.
The Truth: I can't do this problem either.
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A college degree and a teaching certificate define a person as a teacher, but it takes hard work and dedication to be one.
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TEACHER: Who is your favorite author?
PUPIL: George Washington.
TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books.
PUPIL: You got it.
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TEACHER: What did you learn from your history book about Harriet Beecher Stowe?
PUPIL: If you draw a beard and a stovepipe hat on her, she looks exactly like Abraham Lincoln.
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My teacher says our schoolbooks are a magic carpet that will take us all over the world. I took mine to the garage and had them fitted with seat belts.
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STUDENT: The brain is a wonderful thing.
TEACHER: Why do you say that?
STUDENT: Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!
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PUPIL (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
SCHOOL SECRETARY: Who is this?
PUPIL: This is my father speaking!
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TEACHER: Your poem is the worst in the class. It's not only ungrammatical, it's rude and in bad taste. I'm going to send your father a note about it.
PUPIL: I don't think that would help, teacher. He wrote it.
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After an exam the teacher said to a boy, "Why have you written by some of your questions, 'See Simon Taylor's paper'?" The boy replied, "Well, sir, you said we weren't to copy each other's work."
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Even a professor soon discovers how little he knows when a child begins asking question.
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A teacher was talking to her class about the rewards of hard work. "The ant is an example to us all," she said. "Every day the ant goes to work. Every day the ant is busy. And in the end what happens?" A voice shouted from the back, "Someone steps on it!"
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TEACHER: Write your name and today's date on the top of your exam paper. Do it carefully. For many of you it will be the only thing you get right on the entire page.
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TEACHER: Name two cities in Kentucky.
FRED: Okay, I'll name one Fred, and the other Harry.
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FRED: Teacher, does neatness count on that test we just took?
TEACHER: Yes, it does.
FRED: Then I should get a high mark because I didn't write anything on the paper.
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MOTHER: Does your teacher like you?
SON: Like me? She loves me! Look at all those X's on my test paper!
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PUPIL: Teacher, is there life after death?
TEACHER: Why do you ask?
PUPIL: I may need the extra time to finish all this homework you gave us.
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It was the first day of school. As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him into the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly. "Please, sir," she asked, "may we have our teacher back?"
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TEACHER: Your homework assignment last night was to draw a map of Texas including all the rivers in that state. Why didn't you finish it?
STUDENT: I ran out of paper. I thought you wanted it actual size.
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TEACHER: Young man, where's your homework assignment?
STUDENT: It blew away while I was coming to school.
TEACHER: I see. And why are you late for school?
STUDENT: I had to wait for a heavy wind.
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TEACHER: On Monday you said your homework blew away. On Tuesday you said your father accidentally took it to work with him. On Wednesday you said your little sister tore it up. On Thursday you said someone stole it. Today I asked you to bring your parents to school. Now where are they?
STUDENT: My dog ate them.
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TEACHER: What a glum face, what would you say if I came to school with a face like yours?
PUPIL: I'd be too polite to mention it!
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When the teacher entered the classroom, he noticed a little pool of water near the blackboard. "Who is responsible for this?" he asked. No one replied. "I want the person who did this to own up,'" said the teacher. "Everyone close your eyes, then the guilty person must come forward and write their name on the blackboard. No one must open their eyes until I say so." So everyone closed their eyes. Soon there were quiet footsteps over to the blackboard, a pause and then the sound of someone writing on it with chalk, followed by more footsteps. When the teacher told everyone to open their eyes there was a loud gasp. Another little puddle of water had appeared next to the first, and on the blackboard was written, "The Phantom Piddler Strikes Again!"
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TEACHER: Now, children, this afternoon I'm going to tell you all about a gorilla.
So pay attention, all of you. If you don't look at me, you'll never know what a gorilla is.
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Seven Excuses for why you don't have your homework:
1. Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him. My homework drowned, though.
2. My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.
3. I didn't do it, because I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.
4. I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.
5. ET stopped by my house and he accidentally took it home with him.
6. I lost it fighting this kid you who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.
7. I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to your already heavy workload.
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TEACHER: Every time I turn around I catch you doing something you're not supposed to be doing. What can we do about that?
PUPIL: Tell me when you're going to turn around.
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TEACHER: You're the number one trouble maker in this class.
PUPIL: See? And my parents said I'd never amount to anything.
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TEACHER: Young man, you've been late for school five days this week. Does that make you happy?
PUPIL: Sure does. That means it's Friday.
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TEACHER: You've been ten minutes late for school every day this year and all you do is come up with stupid excuses.
PUPIL: I know. If I could be 15 minutes late, that would give me enough time to come up with better excuses.
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*Author's Note: If you have any jokes about school that you would like to share, just drop me a note and I might add it in. For more jokes, you might want to visit .com