Disclaimer: I must thank Camilla Sandman for allowing me to use her brilliant idea for a school in which the characters of fantasy are reality. You had better read OFUM! Now! All of the villains mentioned that you recognise are either "borrowed" from disney, random really good books, or other sources of villainy. (I think that's how you spell it.) Anything you have never heard of before is mine. All mine. My preciousssss.

~Things that go "BANG" in the morning~

Michaela woke up to the sun streaming through her windows and a REALLY loud banging on her door. "Unnggghhh," she moaned, and rolled out of bed to answer the door. She plodded downstairs, yelling at the door to shut up.

"...dangstupidtelemarketersonasaturdaymorninggirlneedshersleepcan'ttheyleave mealone..." She yanked open the door only to see the the hairiest er... thing and the most beautiful specimen of the male species she'd ever seen. Too late did she realize she was wearing only her superman underpants and cami bra. "Bugger it! What do you want?" she snapped. Michaela's disposition was not at its best in the early morning. Then again, most girls don't answer the door to a really big hairy thing and a really beautiful guy really early in the morning.

"Erm, well..." stammered The Beautiful One.

"Arf!" yelped the hairy thing supportively (if hairy things can 'arf' supportively).

I must be dreaming, thought Michaela. I might as well play along. Gathering herself she said "Won't you come in?"

The Beautiful One peered at her, apparently trying to decide if someone who changed moods so quickly as she did was safe to be around. "Um, yes, thank you," he replied, deciding to accept her offer while being as polite as possible.

"Arf!" And the hairy thing followed them in.

**

After showing her two guests to a seat on the couch, Michaela perched herself on a chair and stared at the pair, willing them to speak. After about five minutes of complete and total silence, she lost her patience (and the staring match going on between her and The Beautiful One) and burst out: "Why are you here!" It was not so much a question as an outburst of rage.

"Because you brought us here," answered TBO logically.

Michaela was not in the mood for logic. She spoke in her scariest, calmest voice. "If you don't tell me right now what has brought you here I shall - very calmly - shove you into my microwave." She smiled. Evily.

TBO's eyes widened and started stammering out an explanation that made no sense whatsoever. "...and then the creameryman ran up and said cuckoo and so I ran and screamed and then -"

Michaela smiled again. "Slower please, and this time, could it possibly make sense?"

TBO took a deep breath and let it out. He repeated this procedure several times until his eyes returned to a normal size, and then straightening up, started reciting something that was most certainly scripted. "I am Agent Smith, and this is my partner, Agent I.T." He motioned to the hairy thing. "We are representatives of the Department of New Recruits, a division of the Helping Place for Really Evil Villains, or HPREV. You seem to possess many of the traits that we have found theraputic for Really Evil Villains, and so HPREV has decided to recruit you as one of our new therapists. But before you become a full-fledged therapist, you must pass training school. If you choose to attend - which you really have no choice on - you must fill out this form and sign at the bottom. We will stay here until you have decided." TBO, or Agent Smith, sighed relievedly, glad to be done with his speech.

Agent I.T. shook its hair around and 'arfed' in agreement.

Michaela gingerly picked up the form Agent Smith had placed on the coffee table and read through it. "Have you ever had contact with Really Evil Villains before... Do you have a favorite Really Evil Villain... Have you had any training in counseling Really Evil Villains before... What is the name of your cat... What?" She slammed the papers back down on the table. "These are Really Stupid Questions!"

Agent I.T. 'arfed' threateningly and shook its mane at her.

"Fine, fine, I'll fill out your stupid form. I suppose it can't hurt..."

Agent Smith almost laughed at her mutterings. Oh, yes it can, and oh, will you be hurting when you're done with training school, he thought.

**

After Agent Smith and Agent I.T. had left with her enrollment papers, Michaela dragged herself up to her bed and fell asleep.

Michaela was standing on top of a Really Big Hill, where she could see everything for miles. She was looking out over the landscape when the creameryman ran up and started yelling cuckoo in her ear, so then she ran down the hill screaming... She sat straight up in bed and looked around wildly. "Where the HECK AM I!" She yelled, startling the girl in the bed next to her. The walls were painted a Really Weird Purple and the carpet was Really Really Orange. She looked down to see what she was wearing, and much to her dismay she was still in her superman undies. "Poop!" She jumped out of bed and started tearing around the room, apparently searching for something. The girl in the other bed looked on, astonished as this was going on. Finally, Michaela gave up looking for whatever she was looking for, and threw herself on her bed and started to pound it with her fists.

The other girl slid out of bed, clad only in a powerpuff girls nightie, and crept over to Michaela. "Um, hello?" She tapped on Michaela's shoulder. "Do you know where we are?"

Michaela looked up and glared at the timid girl standing over her. "Yes, unfortunately I do." She stood up and yanked open the chest of drawers at the foot of her bed, pulling on random articles of clothing as she spoke. "Currently, we are at the Training School for Future Therapists for Really Evil Villains. At least, I think we are."

"Oh, okay. My name is Sarah." Sarah looked a little bit scared of Michaela. (well, wouldn't you be?) "Do you know what - aaagggggghhhhhhh!" *THUNK* An arrow with a note stuck on it landed on the headboard of Sarah's bed. *THUNK* A similar one lodged itself in the wall above Michaela's head.

"Hmmm, fascinating," murmered Michaela. "Aha!" she shouted without warning. "I know what these are!"

"I'm almost afraid to ask."

"They're our class schedules! Hee hee hee hee hee hee!" Michaela did a little dance around the room while singing the names of the classes. "The Theory of Relativity: Why Evil Relatives act the way they do...Wicked: The reason for having witches..." She stopped short. "And lookit the TEACHERS!"

"Oh, no. Cinderella's evil stepmother? The Wicked Witch of the West? Lord Voldemort? How will we ever survive?" wailed Sarah.

"I don't know and I don't care.." Michaela singsonged. A loud BRRRRRINGGGGGG! echoed through the room. "Ooh, that must be breakfast! Let's go!"