It started as a normal day in Normalamericanmetropolisville. Mrs. Fredericksonburger and I were just waking up to our morning coffee and Prozac, The news was on announcing the merger between Philip Morris and Microsoft, and our Abercrombie-dressed son was blasting some Clear Channel station and declaring his opposition to media conglomerates… All in all, it was an unremarkable day.

Millions of miles away, a stupid man asked an important question.

"Dick," he said, "why did you tell me never to push the little red button?" He indicated a little red button.

"Because that's… uhh… the button to permanently cancel the King of the Hill TV series."

The stupid man shuddered at the thought. No more King of the Hill? How would he live? Why would he wake up and keep plodding through this Mess we call Life? How would he…

Suddenly, an executive from FOX burst into the room.

"King… of the Hill… has been… CANCELED!" he panted dramatically as he collapsed on the floor with an aortic aneurysm.

The stupid man stepped over the fat body of the fallen executive. Spotting the little red button, he realized that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, must have pushed it.

Then he noticed the powdered-sugar donut sitting on the table next to the button.

"HA! HE'LL BE COMING BACK FOR THIS!" the stupid man shouted ecstatically.

For seven days and seven nights the stupid man stood guard by the little red button.

By the end of the seventh day, he was extremely tired.

By the dawning of the eighth, he was sinking into a stupor.

Soon his elbow began to slide across the desk toward a button marked, "MICROWAVE IT ALL."

His elbow hit the button…