"I've got to go use the bathroom." I said.

The man standing in front of the sink was smoking a cigarette, and wearing a Cincinnati Reds baseball cap. He was mumbling to himself incoherently. As I walked towards the urinal, the man took off his pants and placed them in the duffel bag at his feet. I was about to suggest that he change in the stall instead of in front of the sink, but by that time he had started to speak directly to me.

Sometimes its hard to understand someone who is talking while holding a cigarette in their lips, but I think he said, "Yeah man that Reds game… did you see that one? I just got back from Boston, yeah the fish there, man, they're as big as cans you know, like tuna."

He took a deep drag from his cigarette, and exhaled in the general direction of the "no-smoking" sign. "…ha-ha, chicken of the sea… You ever been in Dallas?"

I nodded and smiled politely and left.

Richard met me on the way back to the table.

"Dude, don't go in there," I said.


"There's a guy in there who's smoking a cigarette, and changing his clothes in the middle of the floor, and saying weird things about the Reds, and tuna."

"Dude, that's my mom." Richard continued towards the bathroom.

"Just remember that I warned you."

I sat down at the table and the prescient girl shot me a look.

"Something strange in the bathroom?" she asked.

"You don't know the half of it."

She smiled, "Don't bet on it."

Richard returned a few minutes later. "Man that guy was messed up. He was just talking to himself in the mirror about his cactus."

I waited to see if someone else would answer him, just in case he wasn't there today.

Kelly suddenly decided to join the conversation. "What guy?"

Richard spoke slowly, while flaring his nostrils and bugging his eyes out. "There's a freak in the bathroom."