Just so you know, I do not own Monopoly, or Uncle Pennybags, or anything here except myself and my sister and my cousins. If you steal them, they will stalk you forever and ever and ever, not to mention forever. Oh, and they have a tendency towards violence.

Chapter Three

In Which the Game Begins, and I Make a Bargain

I drove slowly across the brightly lit and colored spaces until I came to land on Oriental Avenue, where an odd little man immediately accosted me from a little booth..

"You want to buy this property? Is very good. Odds for it are great." He held out a sheet of paper, presumably the deeds. "Buy! Buy!"

I looked him over, appraising him and the property he seemed determined to sell me. "Oh, I don't know - it doesn't seem all that good to me. How much?"

He smiled, showing yellowed and rotting teeth. "For you? One hundred dollar."

I honked. "One hundred dollars for this piece of crappy real estate? Yeah right." I was about to drive away when he called out.

"No! I will lower the price! Only seventy-five dollars! Seventy-five!"

I paused, my engine still running. "I'll give you sixty-five. No more."

The little man hemmed and hawed while I idled there, waiting for an answer. Finally, he agreed. "Sixty-five it is - here's the deed." He put the it in my glove compartment and set out a sold sign on the booth. I handed over sixty-five dollars and turned off my engine, waiting for someone else to go.


By the time that my turn had rolled around again, both Matt (the horse) and Brian (the dog) had landed on Oriental Avenue, and I was twelve dollars richer. Maggie (the wheelbarrow) had landed on a community chest, and had raked in one hundred dollars from the bank. I was decidedly jealous. However, the best luck befell Aaron, (the shoe) who had rolled a ten and had advanced all the way to the Jail. I wanted to throw him in, but unfortunately the others were not in agreement with that particular whim of mine.

I looked up at the dice hovering several feet in the air over the board and yelled "Dice away!" The dice came tumbling down, bouncing off of each other to give me a twelve. I leaned on my horn and honked joyously. "Yeah!" I hooted.

I started myself and slowly tooled away from Oriental Avenue, flapping my air freshener at everyone. I cruised through the Jail without incident, aside from a dirty look from the disgruntled shoe in the corner. Aaron stuck his tongue out at me as I passed, but I got him back with a puff of exhaust from my muffler.

I continued on, past the Electric Company, which, not surprisingly, consisted of a neon yellow lightbulb with flashing pink letters that said "Electric Company". Like that isn't really obvious," I muttered under my breath.

Without seeming to, the pink letters changed to say "I heard that!"

Surprised, I spoke back to it. "Do I look like I care?"

So maybe that wasn't the smartest thing to say. Again, the pink fluorescent letters changed, this time not into a word, but a picture. Strangely, it resembled a finger. Yup, that's right. An inanimate object just flipped me off. Now that was a first.

Somewhat irked, I drove ahead, narrowly avoiding getting run over by a train while I crossed the Pennsylvania Railroad. This game was out to get me. Luckily, I made it to St. James Place, my destination, without furthur incident or injury.

There, I was greeted by yet another weird little man who insisted that I buy his property, and yet again, I was able to haggle the price down quite a bit - from $180 to $120. I was about to drive off again when a loud, very angry voice boomed down at me.

"YOU AREN'T PLAYING BY THE RULES!" Uncle Pennybags was back.

"What do you mean?" I honked in protest. "I have yet to break a rule!"

"WHERE IN THE RULES DOES IT SAY YOU CAN NEGOTIATE PRICES OF PROPERTIES? TELL ME THAT!" "Where in the rules does it say I can't?" I countered. "As far as I can tell, I can do anything the rules don't say I can't. Get it?"

"GOT IT." The mammoth voice said reluctantly.

"Good," I tooted and once again began to move on.

"NOT SO FAST, THERE YOUNG LADY," Uncle Pennybags stopped me.

"What?" I said, sick of him.

"THIS MEANS WAR, YOU KNOW. AND AS ALWAYS, I WILL WIN. AFTER ALL, THIS IS MY GAME." He began to chuckle, and his maniacal laughter filled the space. And I was scared. Very scared.

A/N: Yes, I know I changed it, but I didn't like it the first time. Thanks to Fantwriter who pointed out the oddity. For everyone else - enjoy the finished product.