I splashed my face with cold water. The shock awakened me and I lingered over the sink, watching black drops slide off my chin and on to the white porcelain.
Dark liquid drained slowly. I turned the silver handles to shut the water and looked into the mirror closely, unblinking. The black on my eyes, the red on my lips. "Tara, what's taking you so long?"
His voice was soft but nothing had ever caused me more pain. I buried my face in the towel, staining it with dark circles. The velvet of the towel clung to the curves of my body, hugging me. I had always liked him, loved him, making it difficult to accept what I knew was coming.
I knew but couldn't change it because I didn't want to.
Switching the light off, I walked into the bedroom and dropped the towel from around my waist.

"What are you.." Adrian's voice faded away as he stared in disbelief. His eyes seemed to scald me.

I made my way across the room and grabbed a hairbrush as if nothing happened. Running the hairbrush through my somber hair, Adrian's eyes followed the movement of my hand. I could feel it.

"What's going on?" he asked again. Same question, different formula.

"That's it." I spoke for the first time since we had gotten to the room. Outside I could see a purple sky with shadowy figures reaching upwards. "I don't know."

"You're just so beautiful," he replied, running a hand through his messy mane.

I didn't answer. Words would not come, thoughts would be spinning.

"I love your dark eyes," he went on, "your ivory skin, and the way your hair runs down your back." He paused." How can one night change everything?"

My eyes fluttered. Don't falter, I thought. "Change." I said the word slowly, savoring each syllable, savoring its flavor. "Change," I repeated. "Bring out."

Adrian paused, giving me a chance to take in his black pants and unbuttoned shirt. My pulse quickened as I uttered another word, far more important than the rest. "Reveal."

"I can't want this. Not with her thinking of me."

Her. Of course. "Sometimes," I whispered, "I stop breathing."

He brought a hand up, his fingers like silk against my pale lips. I looked down, but he nudged my chin upwards and planted a fragile kiss on my mouth. I kissed his cheek gently over and over again, the softness of his skin like the velvet wrapped around me. "Maybe this will help," he breathed, kissing me harder.

His hand rested on my waist. I took off his shirt and we fell onto the bed. His fingers made their way between my legs and I moaned, knowing what was coming next.
Suddenly an overwhelming feeling of nausea washed over me. I shoved Adrian off and ran to the bathroom.
I heaved into the sink, pushing on the sides of the smooth porcelain. My eyes became watery as I watched alcohol came up. Alcohol mixed with blood splashed into the sink a violent shade of red.
Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I let out a frustrated cry. You waited a year for this and it doesn't go and deeper than physical attraction. I took a ceramic vase and smashed it against the mirror, the flying shards of glass only making me even angrier.

"Fuck!" I yelled, hot tears running down my flustered cheeks. "You make me crazy!"

"Tara! What the hell?" Adrian appeared in the doorway, looking deeply concerned. "What are you doing to yourself?"

I spun around madly, my hair whipping my face. "You make me crazy," I said again, hissing spitefully. I ripped the shower curtains off their hinges and blocked the drain of the shower. Turning the valves, I watched as boiling hot water filled the tub.

"Calm yourself," he replied calmly. But his words were far from helpful. The water filled quickly, and I climbed into the bathtub, placing my head in the water.

It invaded my brain, my lungs, every part of me. It was soothing, knowing there was a place where the pain would fade, the memories would dissolve, freedom would be gained. "Get out!" Adrian screamed, appearing both mad and scared. "You're trying to drown yourself?!"

"There's nothing left!" I hurled, my voice slicing into the air and the small cascade of water. I bent down for a second attempt, but he grabbed my neck, causing me to choke.

"Listen to me!" he snarled. "You are not doing this. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't," I cried sadly, a deep feeling of despair invading my insides.

"I'm here for you." He kissed me and started sliding off his pants but I stopped him.

"Forget it," I sobbed. "It's just not worth it."

"You're.." He lowered his eyes, looking ashamed.

"I hate you," I cried faithlessly. "I hate you."
***