All I Want for Christmas is You

I just want you for my own,

more than you could ever know

make my wish come true

all I want for Christmas

Samantha reached over and violently unplugged the radio belting out Christmas song after stupid Christmas song, and fixed her eyes back on the sinister, brightly coloured package sitting in front of her on the table. The last thing she needed was Mariah hitting the high notes about wanting someone, rather than something, for Christmas. She didn't need to be reminded how felt, and as she stared fixedly at the ambiguous present she just slipped further into hopelessness.

There had to be some self-help book somewhere stating, in steps no less, how exactly to deal with this sort of situation. Unfortunately Samantha didn't believe in self-help books. Back to square one.

She fingered the tag absentmindedly. Brian. The gift was for him. Him. It couldn't be given to anyone else. Even if it could be, she didn't have the heart to. So it came back to the same conclusion. Samantha sighed sadly, and picked it up to put it on the closet, along with the rest of her former relationship.

Only a month ago, when she lovingly bought the gift, everything had seemed fine. She picked out a beautifully sculpted snow globe, and perfect addition to the collection he'd been acquiring since he was a child. It was pricy, but worth the look on his face.

Now it was worthless, if you didn't count the mockery quotient, reminding Samantha of her own faults. I was a month ago, she met him. She was tipsy, and lonely, and was certain it was all over with Brian, which killed her inside. It meant nothing, just some fooling around, and it was over. It's amazing how one second can change years over your life.

For some reason completely unknown to her now, she felt the need to tell him. It was weighing down on her, and she needed it lifted. Turned out she lost more than the guilt.

Now, a month later, little had changed. She tried desperately to talk to him, but to no avail. Now all she had was an empty heart on Christmas.

She yearned for him. She read somewhere that it was only a yearning it hurt. It was definitely a yearning, what she felt.

Samantha trudged upstairs, threw herself on her bed, and shut her eyes against Christmas, descending on her as every hour lapsed. Her parents didn't know, and she couldn't bear to tell them, so it would be all smiles in two days.

Samantha flipped over, saw the phone in sight and drew in her breath. She picked it up and dialed the number she'd dialed so often before. The machine picked up immediately ,and Brian's deep, sweet voice resounded. It clicked, and Samantha spoke.

"Hey Bri, it's me. Just calling to say...well, Merry Christmas I guess. So yah, talk to you later." She hung up the phone, and wanted to die.

It was Christmas; and apparently the Christmas spirit can warm even the coldest of hearts, because Samantha was feeling pretty good despite the considerable loss she still felt. She was in the bosom of he family, as they say, and it felt good to be loved again. She tore open her presents eagerly, not wanting to go into the psychology of what that meant.

They settled into a nice group, sitting around the fire swapping quips in the old family tradition. There was a buzz in the air, a Christmas buzz of you will, and it made Samantha feel like anything was possible.

Only as she put on her pajamas and crawled into bed did it dawn on her what she had been expecting to happen. A card, a note, anything. But nothing. She curled up in bed, and let the tears fall, tears for a loss she wasn't ready to bear, and emptiness she never thought she'd feel on Christmas day.

She slept fitfully, and rose early on Boxing Day. She vaguely considered going shopping, as she drifted downstairs. When she saw it, she felt like she'd seen a ghost. Sitting on the counter so innocently, red paper still glistening brilliantly. She stared at it for a couple of seconds, as if waiting for it to jump on her lap. But it just sat there, mocking. She apporached it, and only then saw the hastily scribbled pote from her mother. You accidentally packed this away! Wouldn't want to forget. Love, Mom.

Suddenly the dorr rang sharply, jolting Samantha out of her reverie. Her dad was mental, and felt a need to ring the door so loud he could hear it. Samantha shuffled towards the door a grasped the handle, throwing it open and turning around before her dad could engage her in inane conversation.

"Samantha?" But it wasn't her Dad.

Samantha came to as dead stop, and twirled around to come face to face with Brian. She had what felt like a mini heart attack. "Brian. Hey," was all she could mutter through her complete bewilderment.

"Hey. I got your message. Merry Christmas. Oh shit, it's boxing day." Samantha nodded softly. 'Whatever. I just came to..." he pulled a small package out of his jacket pocket, and Samantha suddenly grabbed the railing to keep her balance. "To give you this. See, it won't really fit anyone else..." he shook his head, frustrated. "It's for you, so I just figured..."

he handed it quickly to Samantha. She received it gingerly, playing with it in her hands. She stared at it for awhile, another object reminding her of her past...suddenly she wanted to throw the fragile box across the room, but she simply raised her eyes towards Brian again, and the look in his eyes startled her. He was looking at her with so much...nostalgia really, but it was like there was something more wanted to say, but it was lodged so deep it couldn't possibly come out.

He was about to leave, Samantha could see it, and she couldn't let him. He was so close...

"I still have your present to, if...if you want it. It's pretty custom-made...I couldn't let it go though." he looked at me like he wasn't sure. 'Well look, it's freezing out here. Do you wanna come in?" He just looked at me for a second, then smile hesitantly and agreed.

We sat on my couch and opened each other's presents. He bought me an amethyst pendant necklace, one I'd been eyeing for months, and I had to almost physically restrain myself from crying. I muttered a thanks, and we moved on to his.

He opened it, and stared at it for a second, then looked up at me, then back at it, then rose. "Look, it's really nice, but...it's too much...you keep okay?"

"Keep it? Why would I wanna keep it? It'd only remind- "

He turned, and Samantha decided to go for it. 'It'd only remind me of you. And since we're no longer us...I don't want this... reminding me what I screwed up."

Brian gave her a look that nearly broke her heart. "Sam -"

"I know, you don't have to say it."

"Can you let me?" Samantha nodded, suddenly bewildered. "Look, the reason I came here was not to start something or end something...I just wanted to see you.' Samantha heart melted. "But now that I'm here...it's too hard."

"To forgive me?"

He laughed. "To resist forgiving you."he smiled, one of his gorgeous smiles that were contagious. Samantha smiled from cheek to cheek.

"Um, my parents should be home soon, so you could stay for brunch."

"Sounds good." Suddenly the doorbell rang down the hall. "I better get that," Samantha grinned, elated, and planted a soft kiss on Brian's familiar grinning lips, before answering the door cheerfully.

They all congregated in the kitchen, and Samantha watched as Brian made small talk with her parents. She smiled inside, and loved Christmas whole-heartedly. Maybe there was a Santa, because she got the only important thing she wanted for Christmas.