You heard some of my life in that beginning. This is another piece and you'll see that through this there is a central theme of love. Love is the thing I want the most. I don't just mean a companion, but I also mean friends, those kind of friends that last forever. I can set aside my wish for romance, but it always seems to just go to that best friend that I can never keep. I have and have had many friends in my life, but I can never seem to keep a best friend, which I greatly need. That friend that I can talk to anything about. I've thought that I have had that many a times, but I in the end have always doubted it. For after a while we would seem to drift apart and seeing as it has repeated over and over again I can't help, but think what was it that I have done wrong. I was such a good person in Hartford.

I would comfort people when they were sad no matter what the problem. It could be the most stupid thing, but I would still sit there as they cried. I'ld keep my problems to myself as not to burden them. Maybe that is my problem I try so hard to protect them when I'm really protecting myself. I try it so much that nobody can get in so eventually they go away.

Now, now I'm not such a great friend. I can't feel sympathy for peoples frivolise problems anymore. I've become selfish and I know it. I say that I deserve it for being so selfless when I was in South Dakota. I'm happy and hateful of the fact that I can put myself first. Happy because I do not spend as many nights crying as I had in my past. Hateful because I still do cry sometimes, more often than I should if I was truly happy. One of my friends once asked if I am really happy as I am. It was on the subjected of God, but with the way I believe in that is fine. Instead I take that question to a different heart. I took it to my entire self, am I happy as I am?

You don't know exactly who I am yet do you? For this story to continue I would have to tell you...Tell you exactly who I was, who I am, who I want to be, and who I believe I will become...

But that's can wait for next time. Until then let me ask you Are you happy as you are?