someone standing behind me-
in the fever it seemed like time travel.
Couldnt be, could it be? Ghosts come to visit
this figment, who they loved once so dearly?
stepping out into the 4 a.m.
escape, cool relief, stark reality.
Get away from me,
since you're not going to stay.
I can't take it.
(underneath the expressions
drums the stubborn undying S1, S2.
softly, softly, barely can be heard
above the din of television, traffic.
forgot that it was there until just now
when the noise stopped and )
Figment, FIGMENT, what's that mean?
Solidified collection of the senses.
Mirage, facade, imaginary friend!
You're not her,
you never were, never were
not from the moment she tumbled across that ground.
rust stains, red smears on the mud-trampled grass
(damn rust stains, never wash out)
flattened fields destroyed them both
wrenched, wrenched from grasping hands-
staggering, feverish, lost bleeding hands.
And he's not dancing on the kitchen floor
and watching himself in the french doors' glass
He's not stirring chocolate milk with a fork
or putting his feet on the table.
he never was, he never was.
Destroyed that self, that desperate drama
replacement is more entertaining
not so much pain, no more whining and crying
had no one to take care of her, felt like a fool,
left me here in her stead.
I know how to take care of myself.
Do you think that I need you? I don't, I can't.
everyone said so
it had to be true, I'm alive after all,
and you're not
and you're not
and you're NOT.
So I'm living and breathing
not thinking about
a voice I can't hear anymore.
I'm not conjuring faces
from memory's frames,
or trying to recapture the scent
and the light of that room.
I am grown, this is mine, I don't need to go back,
I don't want to,
You're only a figment.