47THE FREAK SHOW
Starring .soul (Julie)
~You were sure we were gonna shut up…instead we bring you….The FREAK SHOW! Please welcome your clinically insane host…(insert circus song) Julie!
[Circus song continues to play as Julie walks onto stage wearing her….school uniform?]
Julie- Heh *looks around nervously and self-consciously* I kinda got home from school late and SOMEONE forgot to pick up my dry cleaning for today's outfit *glares at Tears of the Wind*
Tears- Hey, don't look at me, that's not my job!
Julie- It isn't?
Tears- Nooooooope!
Julie- Oh…is it aqua's job?
Aqua- HELL NO!
Julie- whose job is it then? *Fidgets with kilt end*
Random guest stands up- MY JOB!
Julie- Oh, then you're fired!
Random guest- YES, sweet, THANK YOU! So could I put on my resume that I worked on the FREAK SHOW?
Julie- Um…*stares oddly* sure, why not…!
Aqua- May I? *approaches guest to remove from stage*
Julie- Please! *Adjusts kilt and fixes shirt end* So why am I here again?! Oh right...the show!
Tears- *rushes out onto stage* Julie!
Julie- Huh?!
Tears- Someone's trying to sabotage our show!
Julie- WHAT? How?!
Tears- they changed Spotlight 3's colour to…
Julie- What? What did they change it to Tears?
Tears – GREEN!
Julie- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Woe is me, the show is ruined, I'm ruined…what shall I do? How can we go ON without Spotlight 3! How will we ever continue the show!? *Places back of hand on forehead for dramatic emphasis*
Tears- *sweat drops* Are you mocking me?
Julie- *snaps back to reality* Hell yes! Either changed the colour screen on the light or work around the problem buddy! Don't come crying to me every time!
Tears- *frozen* Whoa…major anger issues *backs away slowly*
Julie- Damn straight, now would someone please get me my outfit for the damn show! I really don't like wearing a stained white shirt.
Tears- *suddenly comes running back out again* Oh and another thing…
Julie- *Frustrated*WHAT?
Tears- Someone drove through your backstage wall! *Runs off laughing maliciously*
Julie- What? Huh?! Why me?!
[Audience is silent]
Julie- I'm not being sarcastic this time!
Audience- Oh! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww…
Julie- Thank you, now who the hell drove through my makeshift studio wall?
Animus Nein- T'was me Julie!
Julie- Oh! Well buddy I'm glad to see you an' all…but that's gonna cost ya!
Animus- Aww come on!
Julie- Sorry bud, you do the crime-
Animus- I get paid full time?
Julie- *glares*NO! You do the time!
Animus- Fine…how much?
Julie- *snaps fingers and Françoise appears onstage suddenly circling around car and damaged area* I'll have Françoise get back to you on that. But for now, have a seat.
Animus- I brought my own couch, is that okay?
Julie- *Fidgets* Uh…your own couch?
Animus- Well yeah, I wasn't sure if I'd like the texture of yours!
Julie- Oh, well sure, I mean if it's about the texture. Besides it's probably for the best, Quiet Superstitions shot a hole in the audience side of my couch…*spaces out and starts mumbling* stupid people, everyone's out to destroy me! EVERYONE! First the original set and now my black couch, and then my wall, even the spotlight! ! Mark my words; I will have my revenge!
Animus- Julie! JULIE!
Julie- *snaps back to reality*Huh!?
Animus- Come back to the real world.
Julie- Oh sorry…so why don't you remove your car from my studio wall, get your own couch, and join us in a bit!
Animus- Sure…*walks off towards car!*
Julie- *looks up* Wow…three pages and I still haven't started the show…guess there's no time like the present eh? So while Animus gets his car back to its original form, let me introduce another guest on our show…Lady Riven
*Lady Riven walks out onto stage decked out in…Chocolate pudding?*
Riven- Hiya!
Julie- Hi…*uneasy*
[Riven goes to sit on couch]
Julie- *Stands up quickly and runs over to Riven and shakes hand* so how are you?
Riven- *freezes in mid sitting position and stands upright again* I'm good…and you?
Annej (random audience member)- *Runs onto set* Oh my GOSH I absolutely love chocolate pudding! Can I have some?
Julie- What the-? Who are you? Security!
*Awkward mumbles echo from backstage*
Julie- Security?
Annej- *tries to reach out to Lady Riven and grab some pudding*
Riven- Get away from me you Freak!
Julie- Hey, hey, watch who you're calling a freak there eh!
Riven- What?
Julie- You're insulting my minions!
Riven- Oh…*rolls eyes dramatically*
Annej- Pudding! They wants it, they needs it! My Pudding!
Julie- Okay, there's freak and then there's you! Seriously, who the hell are you?
Annej- They needs the pudding!
Julie- Okay, you know you can get it at the store for like a buck eight-nine right?
Annej- They NEEDS it!
Riven- A little help here? *Trying to swat off Annej's grabby hands*
Annej- *voice goes demonic* Give us the pudding! *Lunges at Annej*
[Switch to slow motion]
Riven- A.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.
h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.h.
Annej- W.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e N.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.e.d.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. I.i.i.i.i.i.t!
[Annej lands on Lady Riven pushing her back into the black couch]
Julie- N.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o. not the C.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o*gasp*o. !
[Back to normal time]
Julie- *rushes to Annej and pulls her off Lady Riven and crowd starts cheering*
Random boy in audience stands up and yells- MUD FIGHT!
[Françoise runs onto stage with a huge pool of mud on wheels!]
Julie- I'll teach you to ruin my couch! *Pulls Annej with her into the pool*
Audience- woot WOOT! *Cheers get louder and louder as they wrestle*
* POW!
* KAZOINK!
* OOF!
* KAPOWIE!
* BELCH!
* ZOOM!
* SHWING!
Annej- All right, I forfeit, your hostess powers are too strong for my audience shield. You win!
Julie- Excellent. Now leave, and never return!
[Annej jumps out of pool and runs off stage in defeat!]
Riven- You saved me! My Hero!
Julie- All in a day's work!
*Animus Nein walks back in!*
Animus- What the-?! *Sees pool of mud and people soaked in mud* Aww, I always miss the good stuff!…Is that pudding?
Julie- Yeah, why don't you two get better acquainted while I go change…AQUA-ANGEL WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES FOR TODAY? *Walks into backstage. *
Animus- Do you wanna go wipe that stuff off before we continue?
Riven- *captivated my Animus* What stuff?
Animus- The pudding! *Points to Riven's shirt and pants*
Riven- *snaps out of dream world and looks down at clothes* Oh my gosh, yeah, I'll go change and be right back! *Riven walks off stage*
Animus- Finally, my show, my stage, my set, my audience. All that plotting and scheming has finally paid off!…..Well okay, not really plotting and scheming, all I had to do was ask Julie if I could be on the show but what the hell, it's my show now! *insert evil laugh here* Let's see if my new minions will obey me! Dance audience!
[Tears of the Wind puts on music]
Animus- I said DANCE!
Audience- Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala – la – laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Animus- Dance, not sing!
Audience- *gets up and starts to do the running man*
Julie- * Walks back onto stage with her Juno award winner dress on!* Oops, wrong outfit…*looks up and sees audience moving and Animus waving his hands like a conductor.* What's going on here?
[Everyone freezes!]
Animus- Uh Julie…back so soon?
Julie- Yeah *sighs* I had to rummage through our lost and found for clothes.
Animus- You found that in the lost and found?!
Julie- Goodness no, I designed this one, had it rush-ordered to me!
Animus- Oh…well it looks good!
Julie- Thanks…but what's going on out here?
Animus- Oh see out of nowhere Tears of the Wind started playing some music and the audience started singing and dancing. I tried to get them to stop but they just wouldn't!
Audience- *gasps and sits down frustrated*
Julie- Oh, yeah I hear you, they can get out of hand sometimes…*looks around* Where's Lady Riven?
Animus- Oh she said that chocolate pudding just didn't accentuate her eyes enough so she went to change.
Julie- Yeah, if I were her I'd go with Lime green jelly next time. *Pulls out set remote* All the same, I think I'll have to burn that couch. *Changes set to club/bar scene*
Same random boy from before stands up again- Um Julie!
Julie- Yeah?
Random boy- Doodles says it's time for a commercial!
Julie- *looks at doodles signaling furiously* Oh…we'll be back right after these messages from our sponsors!
Speaker voice- Welcome to the FREAK SHOW is proudly sponsored by Crazy Inc. Your insanity is our paycheck!
[Cut to commercial]
[Crow walks into scene]
Crow- Good morning. I'm Crow and today, I'll be your hostess! Here at Crazy Inc. we provide only the best of care for our patients. We provide a wide-array of colours for your padded walls and only the best of tazers to calm your nerves. And the best part is…you don't even have to pay! *Walks over to front desk of Crazy Inc.* [talking to the secretary] Room for one? *Takes keys* Thank you! *Starts walking towards elevator* The government pays for all your insane medical costs and all you have to do is sit back and be…*steps into padded elevator* CRAZY! *Bounces on the walls*
[Elevator reaches the 32nd floor opens; Crow walks out in proper composure.] So the next time you're in the neighbourhood drop by for a while and let loose! And remember; here at Crazy Inc. Your insanity is our paycheck! OOOH PURPLE!
[Cut to second commercial]
Random manly background voice- One man, one gun, all alone on a Friday night in the middle of the desert without food or water…what will he do?
[Insert record screeching to a halt sound]
Man with gun- Order in?
Random manly background voice- Uh…sure, that could work!
[Music starts playing]
Random manly background voice- Okay so his gun was a water gun and it was a movie set but hey, it was pretty convincing. Madly Insane, the new comedy thriller that's sweeping the nation! Act fast and get your tickets. You'll laugh 'till you wet yourself, and you won't stop till the fun is over!
Speaker voice- Movie is approximately an hour and forty-five minutes long.
[Camera cuts back to show where we find Julie behind the bar serving Animus his drinks and Nein sitting on the barstool with his back to the audience!]
Julie- So I suggest you just buy low and sell high, that's what I did with my share and let me tell you, it pays off!
Animus- Um Julie the show's back!
Julie- Oh! *Looks around nervously* Yeah so when those candy bars come in you make sure you sell for more than you bought ok!
Animus- Candy? We were discussing the stock market!
Julie- No we weren't! *Shifty eyes* So since we're short on guests for some reason why don't we bring out our celebrity?
Animus- Speaking of guests…where is Lady Riven?
Julie- I don't know! But…boys and girls please give a round of applauseseseseses for…Achilles himself! Brad Pitt!
*Brad Pitt walks onto set*
Girls in the audience- Oh my God Brad Pitt I LOVE YOU!
Courtney (girl in audience)- I WANT YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! MARRY ME!
Brad- Sorry honey, but I'm already married!
Courtney- You called me honey! Oh my God! Brad Pitt LOVES ME! I'm moving in with him! We're getting married next week! AHHHHHHH!
Brad- Security!
Julie- That's my job hun…..SECURITY!
Brad- Thanks…
Julie- No problem, her screeching was getting on my nerves anyway!
Brad- Ah, I see…
Julie- So you want a drink? *Offers Brad a barstool*
Brad- Sure, you got anything Mexican?
Julie- Only Mohito and American stuff sorry!
Brad- Eh…I'll take a spring water!
Julie- French or Canadian?
Brad- CANADIAN!
Julie- Fine choice! *Offers both Animus and Brad one* So Brad, when you got the call from Françoise to come on my show, what made you say yes?
Brad- Well I've heard a lot of good stuff from Amy Lee and Foamy that I decided to come check it out myself! I heard it's quite the heart-pounding experience!
Julie- Oh really? Because it's so exciting and funny?
Brad- No, because they both almost got killed…
[Audience laughs]
Julie- Oh…
Riven- Oh my God is that Brad Pitt? *Runs towards him and jumps on his back*
Julie- Lady Riven what are you doing?
Riven- I love you SO much, you rock my world.
Brad- Why thank you! Did you see me in Troy? Bloom insists I stole the show!
Riven- Bloom's a pansy, of course you stole the show *sits on barstool beside him, pushing Animus off*
Animus- What the-?!…..*sighs* Replaced by the mention of a pansy…that's pathetic!
Julie- Hey, could you two get a room? I'm trying to run a show here!
Riven- A room? *Giggles* Gladly!
Julie- What have I done?
Animus- Created a new breed of 'sexy' guys, according to girls, and chocolate pudding covered girls…oh the terror! *Said unenthusiastically*
Julie- Security!
[No response!]
Julie- Where the hell is aqua-angel?
Riven- *pulls away from Brad Pitt for a second* Oh Animus tied her up!
Julie- *glares at Animus* Why?
Animus- Because I didn't want her interfering with my plans to rule your sh- I mean…
Julie- There's really no explaining it is there?
Animus- *hangs head in shame* No, I'm sorry!
Julie- Eh, that's okay! We could use someone like you in…
Crow- *runs out onto stage* Crazy Inc. *looks at Julie* Hah, I'm getting the commission off this one! *grabs Animus off stage*
Julie- My guest!
Brad- Yeah Riven and I best be hitting the road.
Julie- What? But you're married…
Brad- Only in Vegas honey! Catch you later! *Brad and Lady Riven exit…*
Julie- My guests…all of them…gone!
[Tears of the Wind puts Spotlight 3 on Julie, the green one, and the rest of the lights go out!]
Julie- If you're going to Spotlight, at least use a white one! My whole show is falling apart. First the spotlight, then the hole in the wall, and now my guests! Why me!
Audience- *Who is filing out slowly and quietly, freezes and faces Julie* Awww…*sit down quietly* We'll stay!
Julie- Really?…No go…the shows over anyway…without my guest what will I do? *Pulls out set remote and changes it to Piano lounge* I'll just play all by my lonesome till Doodles decides to leave me! *starts crying and playing Fur Elise*
*Screen fades to black*
#A/N: WOW…that took a while! I'm so sorry you guys, with this new semester and everything I've just lacked time and creativity to even open up the FREAK SHOW, but here it is 95% of it typed up in ONE day :D I'm so proud of myself!
I wanna thank Countess de Lioncourt A LOT for her help on this episode! As well as DreamNightmare again, wow, she's just so giving of her time and funniness! I'd also like to thank Courtney, my good friend, Willie thanks for letting me put you in the show!
I just want to point out that I did this show without interviews from ANYONE so I'm sorry if I've offended Lady Riven or Animus Nein, I couldn't think of ANY interview questions and sending them out took TOO much time!
Check out the guests writing, and anyone else I've ever recommended! Also check out Troy, aside from the almost nude scenes and sexual references it's a REALLY Cool movie!
Love,
.soul
The Queen Freak Herself…
Julie!
mUahz!