She was crying
I remember thinking that they were
The beautiful kind of tears that come
When you reach the ending of a book,
Not the heart-wrenchingly miserable tears
That fall when the world stops
Around you.

And she looked at me through those eyes
I love her eyes
Sharp and blue and sparklingly
Perfect, and she looked beautiful
And I couldn't bear to hold her
Smooth her hair and shush her
- Because her mother couldn't, wouldn't,
never would again -
But I did

And her voice sounded like a foreign object
A memory
From some distant land when she loved me
More than you
A faded, tired, old voice came out of her
Weak with tortured pain
And full of love
And hurting

I remember thinking
How could you do this to her?
And hating you with my whole soul
Just for that one moment
But still loving you.
I remember the scars on her arm
and stomach

Painful jagged tears for you
Blunt and unforgiving
Unforgetting
Blood red and purple
boiling up with hatred and
Bursting, with love
Etching out a picture of you
I remember how she told me
And I know I should have told her
Everything will turn out right

But instead I let those harsh words roll out,
The truth, shaky and slipping on ice,
Like that childhood bambi video,
You wont forget
It wont stop hurting but,
You'll learn to live with it,
And maybe sometimes ignore it
And you might feel better about it
I did

Over you under you
Its just
Pathetic
This never ending spiral of hurt
And happiness

Stolen glances
Across a
Smoke-filled poker game, your hand of cards
Dictates this pain

Like this
We laugh
And I love to be with you, it feels
So good to be back

And I might
Smile
Into your eyes - I see they're still hers -
Still gorgeous

I might not
Breathe you
Any more, but, I still love you
Everything

About you
Playing pool
I might be shit but I love to hear you
Take the piss again

Just got back
nothing changed
The drinkings heavier, the games are dirtier
Still so exciting

So new to me
Thrill of
Anticipation, of innocence, of being totally
Uncontrollably

Out-of-my-mind
In love
With a guy like you, but can I kiss you
Anytime?

Will your eyes
Still search me
Strip me, hold me, love me, leave me
in the lurch

Maybe it's just
pathetic
But its fun, so I'll ride with it
While it lasts

If you think you've nothing worth living for
Live to breathe
Live
for the sunrises and sunsets of every
Day that slips away
Live to chase rainbows
To catch that sparkle of life that so often passes us by
- We're too busy watchin' street lamps
Zip past the yellow bus windows -
Live to breathe

If you see nothin' worth fighting for
Use my eyes
To look for the tiny things
The frosted dew on the winter lawn
Each mornin'
To take in everything that that hand held
By the little child with her mother
Represents
Use my eyes
To see those things like leaves
In puddles
Those beautiful things
Use my eyes

Smile
And all of it boils down to
the fact that they stepped out of darkness
Into the haven of yellow bus lights
And left me alone with you

For once I
Was right where I've wanted to be for so long
Within the distance of touching you
Ripping off your clothes and just being completely
A part of you

Of course
Thats not truly possible, but it felt that way tonight
You walked me home
- you said you cared enough -
And you looked at me that way again

Im so utterly yours
She left us, they all left us alone together
You walked me home
My heart warmed like the amber glow of streetlamps
In the hazy blue

Just us
Together, walking
I made you laugh, your eyes make me cry
You said I was boring
And I care enough to do whatever you want

Tonight
I was happy just to be with you
Maybe thats how I'll always be
Content, just to see you smile
And it all boils down to

You walked me home
***********