2old rope
sways with the wind
i take my eyes off of
my chipping nail polish
and see the images in front of me
i've ignored them for so long
pushed reality down,
giving me a clearer view of
what's not really there
memories
just don't work
for me anymore
and it's not even the pain that hurts
it's the absence of it's cause.
i begin to walk
through a dream i've dreamt
every night
for the past month
or so
the leaves crunch
under my bare feet
and coolness
keeps
all these new
emotions
fresh
my tears come easy,
but then again,
don't they always?
their colour is tainted
with a black
so dark
i've never
seen such
lack of light
even in the depths
of the darkest
midnights...
my eyes stare forward
my white gown
barely touches my skin beneath
thin as petals
and soft as clouds
my only
guard
against tonight
i come upon
the center
of the woods
i've been wandering through
i turn my head
skyward
noticing how gently
they hang
all around me
off the pines
each with the same
face as i
the knots tied loose
with old rope
that sways with the wind
each
girl
skin as white
as snow
eyes dark
open to the world
revealing the truth
i now know
i return to
my walking
and soon come upon
an empty noose
i reach up
and pull it towards me
from the branch
of the medium sized spruce
this rope is old
knot tied loose
my tears cease
but my eyes burn
i long to die
in order for them to learn
the truth
for once i'm dead
my look shall reveal
what i died from;
a pain that seemed to never heal
have i reached the end?
will this be an attempt?
or a loss?
will i awake
in a neck brace
or will i not?
Will i prove
sad enough
but is sad an emotion
or just who i am
disguised sometimes
and at others
painted
all over my face
making itself
all too clear
i grasp the rope
i hold it close
and lie
beneath
my dying tree
in the middle
of what's already died
within me
i sleep
a soft slumber
wondering
if tomorrow
when i wake
i'll forget
tonight
and just
smile
that smile
that's so easy to fake