1I wrapped my arms around my knees, holding them tightly to my chest. It was dark in this little room, this closet...
...
I laughed, coughing a little on leftover tears.
"Fucking stupid."
I leaned forward a little, letting one of my hands drop to the dust. I felt like crying again. Everything felt so stupid, all these damn feelings and...and emotions. I glared into the darkn where I knew the door was.
"Fuck."
It came out so quiet and lonely, like me. I let my legs stretch out, knocking into some metal bin. It wasn't my fault that I was like this. He didn't have to yell at me like he did. Oh. He'd been so angry. All that screaming and yelling that he'd done at me.
'Faggot!'
I covered my ears and closed my eyes tightly. Shut up brain.
But it just wouldn't go away.
'Queer! Ass boy! Fag! You disgust me!'
My heart stopped. that had hurt so much. The feeling that I had before, that tight feel of what I believed to be love was sucked away so fast. It turned ugly and black with desperation. I remember not being able to breathe, everything had been choked off and I tried so hard to rationalize with him. I hadn't want it to be the way that it had turned out.
I rocked myself. "Stop..."
Violent yells and harsh words were all it took to make me retreat back into my comfort zone, back into the dusty old closet. It was safe in here. Safe from all the mean words and the love I'll never get back fro him. My heart hurt so bad. Oh, how I thought he would care. I leaned my head against the wood paneling.
All those times we talked, how he would accept someone like me should they come into his life. All those times that he held me for other reasons. When he took the knife from my hand, took me to his house and talked and touched me through my pain and problems.
But now...
I coughed again and closed my eyes.
In my closet again.
The irony hurts.
Oh.
-
The end