A Smile to Live By
I don't remember much of my youth's summers, but I will never forget the summer of Sam. Sam was one of those few people you run across that you know never had to deal with personality problems. I met him while my family and I stayed with my aunt in a fairly simple South Carolinian town.
Looking back on it, I was not as nice as I could have been to Sam in the beginning. I had been upset about not being able to spend the summer with my friends. I suppose I didn't understand how my aunt had been trying to cope with her husband's death. I was a spoiled, rotten brat. All Sam had ever done was try to help me, but I tried and tried again to turn him away. But thank God, he never gave up.
I remember him coming by to meet us. He smiled at me so sweetly when I answered the door. He had been good friends with my uncle and was coming to pay respects since he had not been capable of talking to my aunt at the funeral. I glared at Sam the entire time he talked to my aunt. I couldn't believe what she was doing! He was a country hick!
"What the heck do you think you are doing? Obviously you do not understand that you don't talk to people that are you above you, as if you are equal. You need to learn proper etiquette," I whispered to him after my aunt got up. He just lowered his eyes and walked off.
I knew I hurt him, because later, while roaming around, I saw him by the docks crying, but that only increased my pleasure.
"Do you need any help?" Sam asked politely.
"From you?! Ha, that's okay! I'd rather be lost than be seen with you," I replied coldly.
Later that week, I was informed of a community dance. I told my mom I didn't plan on going, but she made me. Everyone going had to have a partner. My mom had been convinced that something might happen to me, so she asked my aunt to refer some respectable boys. Of course, Sam was the only boy close to my age. I was horrified that my mom didn't consider that special reasoning not to attend. Instead, she said it would be an opportunity to fit in. Even better, Sam had always been one of the head decorators for the dance. He asked me to help him and once again, was forced into it by my dear old mom. This year's theme was a Hawaiian luau. I was supposed to meet Sam by the docks the following Saturday to begin setting things up.
The day went by fairly smoothly. I talked to him most of the day and was really surprised by his personality. He was actually very intelligent and had a way with words. I learned a little bit about his family and found out that most of their problems didn't have anything to do with him. He had dreams, big ones at that. He wanted to go to college, study to become a doctor, and travel to foreign countries to try and lend helping hands where they were needed.
"Alright Chastity, now we're going to work on the main banner. I already sketched out a main design. All we really have to do is paint it and hang it up at the entrance and we're done," he said cheerily.
I smiled weakly. He was so cute, but I had to try and find a way to not look at him. I had to stick by my values and try to avoid him. But, he was just so sweet and cute and charming. How could I avoid that?
I leaned over and kissed him. My mind got ready to explode. The rest of the night progressed with neither of us saying much to the other. After we got the banner hung, he offered to walk me home and I accepted.
The entire walk was spent with my heart beating wildly. My mind was very confused though. Could I possibly love this poor boy? What would my father say to this? He had always taught me that the lower class citizens didn't deserve anything, not even our sympathy. But, for some reason, this was different. I had thought that being poor meant you were dumb, dirty, and disgraceful. Sam was none of these things, however! He made my pulse beat faster and slower at the same time. When I saw him smile, my heart melted. And most importantly, I could talk to him! He understood and really seemed to care about what I had to say. Sam was so. so. perfect. He was my savior. He was taking all of my biased beliefs and had begun to make me see the error in them. I learned that just because you have been brought up with certain beliefs, doesn't mean they're right. He ultimately helped me to find myself in so many aspects. When he walked me home that night, I wasn't walking. I was floating. It was as if I had been reborn and nothing could ruin that feeling. Or so I thought.
I was woken up by all the commotion out my window at around 2 a.m. I peeked through my blinds and saw the ambulance. I put on my robe and ran outside. There was a crowd of people of all ages wearing coats and robes over pajamas. I knew what was wrong in the back of my head when I saw the women comforting Sam's weeping mother. I ran outside and when I saw him lying limply on the stretcher my whole body went numb. All that could go through my head was the thought of Sam being in that ambulance. I was trembling uncontrollably.
I missed his funeral. It was too much for me. Going would have meant that I was admitting he was gone. For years, I blamed his death upon myself. I continuously replayed the scenario in my head, thinking up all the things we could have done differently. If he just hadn't walked me home, he wouldn't have been there to get hit by the car. If I hadn't kissed him, maybe he would have had been able to concentrate and avoid the car altogether. If I hadn't encouraged my parents to go to that party, they wouldn't have gotten drunk and would have been able to avoid the innocent boy in the road.
I am older now and he is still in my dreams, smiling upon me. I never got to thank him for all he'd done either. He taught me that racism isn't the only form of prejudice there is. He taught me what love truly means. He taught me what a smile can be worth. He spread joy, not only to me, but also to the whole town. Everyone loved him. I now am living a dream that I know Sam would have been proud of. This dream is a dream that all people should have. It is a dream that people will dare to care, a dream that people will lend helping hands where they are needed without having to be asked, a dream that people will one day be able to love.