A rant about my bet peeve. Why would you want to know about my pet peeve? Well, you wouldn't, but I'm posting it here anyway. On my own, I probably wouldn't have written this, but I had to for my creative writing class. So, without further ado, I give you..

You Talk Too Fast.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You talk too fast,"

"Erin, You're talking at ten. Turn it down eight notches."

"On a scale of one to ten, Erin, I'd say you're talking at a twelve."

"Slooooowwww doowwwwwnnnn!"

Say any of those things to me after I've told you not too, and you won't live to hear the end of it. Not that I'd kill you, no. I'd simply hound you about it until you're dieing day. Believe me, I've tried.

Some people don't seem to realize that the most insulting thing you can say to a person who talks fast, is that they talk TOO fast, or use some sort of metaphor. Me, I'm reasonable, I tell people when I first meet them (Teachers included) that I talk fast, and if they can't understand me, tell me, and DON'T insult my intelligence with a stinkin' metaphor. I've seen some fellow motor-mouths (though none talk as fast as I) burst into tears at the mentioning of such. Me, I'm much more reasonable. I wait 'til the fifth offense before I open fire, and once I do, people never even consider a sixth.

I talk too fast? Well excuse me, but who are you to judge just how fast I talk. Sure, I talk fast. Tell me that. State an fact, not a biased opinion. When it comes down to commenting on someone, please, please have the decency to state a fact. Opinions can be extremely insulting. When it comes down to talking fast, it can even be considered rude when, I person with complete awe in their voice, says, "Dude, you, like, talk a hundred miles an hour." Yeah. I've seen people get yelled at who say that. On the other hand, I've seen a person say, disgusted, "Woah! You talk fast. I can't even understand you!" get thanked by that same person who yelled moments before. The most idiotic one I've ever seen is when a person called me a jerk for talking so fast. I can't help it! Give it a rest! Really, it's not a conscious choice. I don't notice I'm talking fast until someone brings it so my attention, and only than I can correct it. So please, TELL me when I talk to fast, don't just sit there and complain about it later (that's happened, too, the girl was talking about me talking fast behind my back. or so she thought) and when you DO tell me, please, I beg you, do it politely.

It is morally degrading to tell someone to "Slooooowww dowwwwwnnn," as if, simply because they talk fast, they can't understand plain English. It also implies that the person is not intelligent enough to comprehend it when a person tells them to slow down without the extra emphasis. The worst part is, they tend to find it funny. It is anything but funny! There's one teacher- a TEACHER, mind you, who I've told a thousand times how insulting that is. He does it EVERY time I open my mouth to speak- before I even say a word- and starts laughing. You might think that it is only me who is offended by this, but all of the fast talkers I have met take offense in this also.

Most people who talk fast don't do so because they are nervous or idiotic (though I have met with that opinion multiple times) but the exact opposite. They are usually fairly confident, and have so much to say, with so little time to say it. Their minds transmit thoughts to words and actions so quickly that it often becomes garbled or highly accelerated in the rush to get the point across before one looses their train of thought. Did you know that Albert Einstein talked fast? Galileo Galilee? John Adams? J.R.R. Tolkien? They did. Some of our time's most revolutionary thinkers. People have strong tendencies to overreact to criticism at what they perceive as faults. Most people who talk fast don't think of it as a good thing (though it is in my opinion) and when a person targets this supposed 'disability' it can be EXTREMELY insulting. Do people go around mocking a blind man? Not those with decency. Being blind can also be a good thing. Your hearing is enhanced. Can it not also be so for talking fast?

There are PLENTY of ways to tell a person to slow down without insulting their intelligence. Just say, "Erin, you're talking fast again," or "Erin? Slow down." Never, "Erin, you're going a hundred miles an hour again. You're all blablablablabla!"

In other words, think about what you say before you say it. You may mean well, but just as a warning, if you ever meet me in an empty street, I'd strictly advise you against telling me a talk too fast, because when you leave that street, you'll probably have garbage all over your head.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks to everyone who read this. Sorry if it rambled, or got redundant. Our teacher told us to type as much as we could about our pet peeve in fifteen minutes, and I finished this in thirteen. So don't tell me it's perfect- it's not. In fact, I see four typos now. Just please give me some feedback- if you read this, that is. I find myself questioning your sanity for being able to make it through a good 800 words of my complaining, and my guess is that most of you quit around the second paragraph. If you read all the way, congrats! You have more patience than my writing teacher! If not, thank you for reading anyway, and I hope you enjoyed, and bla bla bla. Just, again, please review.