Angst poetry often gets on my nerves. People who have never been through something suicidal shouldn't write bad poetry about self-mutilation; it's disrespectful. And if you're gonna do it, do it well, man!

Thus, here is a poem intended to parody bad angst poetry. Please review.


Really Bad Angst

When you left me
Last August (or was it January?)
I felt like I was drowning endlessly
In a really big body of water
Only in this case the water was BLOOD
BLOOD dripping everywhere
As I thought of your face
But now my soul is empty
A yawning abyss of misery
A gaping mawing really big hole in my chest
But anyway, back to the BLOOD
The crimson liquid that fills me
Or rather, 'filled' me
'Cuz now it's splattered everywhere
In fact I'm writing this poem with it
I know it doesn't rhyme but
I'm doing this on purpose just to spite you

And you should probably know
That after you left me
Standing in the backdoor of your soul
My dog died
And when I went outside to bury him
It rained and I caught a cold
So along with all the BLOOD and
Death and horror that you left me with
(along with that stupid scarf you bought me, which I burned)
I have a sniffle and cough too

The I got a 'D-' on my math test
But that doesn't matter, 'cuz I'm giving you an 'F'
...or something...
For being such a lousy girlfriend
And leaving me behind while you stepped out
Into the sunshine, abandoning me in the venemous depths
(oh no! This is almost getting eloquent! Better do something...)

So after that day
I went into the bathroom
Into the Darkness and the Shadows and
Other Dimly Lit areas
And I cried
But you should know
I'm not crying now
'Cuz I hate you so much
I think you suck
And I'm sure my dog does too.

P.S. I'm DYING ENDLESSLY and you don't care. I hate you!
P.P.S. My life sucks.
P.P.P.S. I'm getting really dizzy from all this bleeding...


I may make a collection out of this, because they're quite fun to write. Please reee-voooo.