24Gwenifer, Countess of Cergi, smiled down indulgently at her son, Adda, who was now staring fixatedly at a bee. "It's just a phase all children go through," she said as she hugged the little boy closer to her. "They're just interested in everything and want to touch and feel them to get to know their world. Isn't that right, Adda?"
Adda looked up at his mother with twinkling green eyes, his chubby face lit with an endearing smile. Then he jumped off of this mother's lap to run around the gardens and chase a butterfly.
"I'm so glad you came back to court, for it's been so dull," Angharad confessed. "I've missed you so."
Now that Gwenifer was married and had a child of her own, a manor of her own, she remained away from court often. The young and flirtatious woman had fallen deeply in love with her husband.
Gwenifer raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "Even with the illustrious and rich William de Hewitt's return?" she said, doubt thick in her voice.
Angharad made a face. "There is nothing illustrious about him, though he is extremely wealthy. In truth, I am heartily sick of hearing the man's name. He is an insufferable prig."
"My dear, that is why I am still of the opinion that you find a husband. It's not as if you lacked any choices or offers. What of this Davydd de Malgwin. you wrote me about? I have seen him, and he is quite handsome and charming." Gwenifer smiled slyly, as she always did when she was preparing to plan something. "I've also done some background checking on him, and he is most definitely no one to scoff at. He is the heir to his uncle, the earldom of Wythran, which is nothing shabby, my dear."
Angharad scoffed at her friend's words. "Marry Davydd? I admit he is a handsome man, and is amusing, but there is only so much one can take of his smothering affection."
Gwenifer sighed as she studied the younger woman. "So you say about everyone," she said exasperatedly. "Is there not any man whom you could tolerate to marry? Honestly, do you expect to marry for love? Rhodri and I certainly did not marry for love. I married him to become Countess of Cergi, he for my two hundred gold pieces a year and the Arwyl Castle as my marriage portion. It is only by chance and luck that we fell in love."
"I don't see why I shouldn't marry to please myself. It's not as if I had to marry for money. If I am to spend the rest of my life with a man, then I should at least find him agreeable and tolerable to live with."
"You've met plenty of more than agreeable men. What exactly are you waiting for? Or who, to be exact?" Gwenifer eyed the younger girl shrewdly.
Angharad felt as she had three years ago, just a young girl under the tutelage and advice of an older, more experienced girl. And now she was forced to confess something for Gwenifer to discern and handle as she saw best. But she waited too long to speak.
"It's William," Gwenifer exclaimed with certainty. "I know it is, for I know how the mind works. You have always been comparing men to William, and they have never been able to match up to him, to a ghost."
"He is not a ghost, is a living breathing man" Angharad muttered. Too late, she realized her mistake as her friend's eyes lit up. "And what you say is not true!"
"Deny it now, my dear, but I think we both know the truth. You've never forgotten that older brother role he played for you, the care and love he gave you."
"We're both different people now."
"Not so different. I still see a lonely, solitary young woman, but this time it is voluntary; you are emotionally shutting everyone out and using them for your own physical pleasures. And William, well, have you been in his company long enough to discover who he is?"
"I do not wish to further my knowledge of him," Angharad said icily. "I think I've already discovered what kind of man he is."
"Now that's not fair, Angharad, and you know it. Stop acting like a spoiled child," Gwenifer snapped. "Would you have had William sacrifice his life for you to stay behind? Griffith would have hanged him from the nearest tree. He also had to strategically plan his return, to make sure his life would not be at any danger. There are enough problems in the world, my dear, without you creating and imagining more. As an adult, we have hard choices and compromises to make." Gwenifer's voice had faded to a low murmur.
Angharad said nothing as she turned her back to stare off into the distance. The silence stretched on between the two young women. But Gwenifer was content to watch Adda at play and wait for the other woman to speak. When Angharad turned around again, tears were glistening in her blue eyes. Gwenifer wordlessly went to her and embraced her, feeling the young woman's tears on her shoulder, the tears of a young girl. There had been many of times where Gwenifer had held the younger woman while she shed silent tears and shared secrets and burdens of the heart.
"So it is William," Gwenifer said gently.
"I don't know," Angharad said wretchedly. "I was young when he left, and I keep trying to myself that it was nothing but a girlish fancy, a love out of gratitude. And for awhile, I think I believed it. And I kept telling myself, what man was worth my love who did not seem to return it?"
"Ah, Angharad, I am sorry. I never knew you felt that way. You've always had a certain wall of protection around you, even with me. But if you want me to help you, then you need to honestly answer question."
Angharad nodded solemnly, taking in a deep, shaky breath.
Gwenifer looked her straight in the eye, holding her at arm's length. "Do you still love William?" she asked softly.
"I do not know."
"Come now, my dear, surely you can do better than that?"
"No."
"Fine then. My next question is do you still wish for William to honor your betrothal?" A familiar glint had come into Gwenifer's eyes. "He never did formally renounce it to Griffith."
"I don't know," Angharad again said, startled this time. Actually hearing her thoughts formed into words was strange and uncanny. "I confess that both of us have been . . . unpleasant towards one another, not comfortable with one another's presence. And I also must admit that Robert de Hewitt has taken an interest. And I have taken an interest in him."
Gwenifer raised a questioning eyebrow. "But do you love Lord Robert? No, of course not. He is merely an infatuation, a connection to William, and so is naturally attractive to you."
"Perhaps so. But the truth is, I do not know how to act with William now. It has been three years. Three years in which I have changed greatly, done much growing. We both have moved on now. So I believe it best be left alone."
"If that is what you wish. Now shall we go to your chambers to choose what we shall wear tonight?"
Angharad laughed as she embraced her friend. "I am so glad you have returned to court, for everything makes sense when you're here. It is like the old days."
"But we have both moved on from the old days, must continue moving on from them."
Angharad nodded at the truth to that, wondered if she would ever be able to follow their wisdom.
* * * *
Angharad looked stunning in a gown of sapphire blue, which emphasized the blueness of her eyes. With the Countess of Cergi at her side, they were the most sought-after two young women. Rhodri watched his wife from a distance, proud that Gwenifer would be so admired, and that he would be so envied by other men. Occasionally, Gwenifer would look in his direction and give him a private look, which amused Angharad to no end.
"Oh, I do beg your pardon, my lord!" Gwenifer suddenly said as she bumped into a man. The man turned to reveal himself to be William. Gwenifer's eyes widened innocently. "My lord William, I do apologize!"
William flashed her a smile. "No need for apologies, my lady," he said. "But I confess you do have the advantage over me by knowing my name. May I know the name of so fair a woman?"
Angharad had stiffened and curse Gwenifer for her adroit clumsiness. She felt her jaw clench as William flirted with her friend. Who, by the way, happened to be married!
Gwenifer smiled in return as she curtsied. "I am the Lady Gwenifer, Countess of Cergi. And you are William de Hewitt of Palasar."
"Ah yes, but not permanently, I hope. For since I have received Griffith's formal pardon, I have once more been invested in my lord father's lands of Montyth."
"Oh, how wonderful, my lord! I offer my heartfelt congratulations."
"Thank you." William's head suddenly turned at the sound of a new song beginning. "My lady Gwenifer, should you care to dance? As a way to make up for your rude stumble." He offered her a grin.
She returned it, but shook her head with genuine regret. "I did promise my lord husband the first dance of the night." She turned to look over at Angharad and was surprised to find that the girl was gone. She looked around her in frustration and found Angharad to be with Davydd. Gwenifer sighed, then turned back to William and smiled brightly. "But the next dance you may count on me."
Across the room, Angharad stood with Davydd. She sipped on her wine, trying in vain to listen to Davydd speak. But his voice just mixed in with the rest of the voices. He was describing his new destrier, and Angharad was heartily sick of hearing about it, for it was all he had spoken of for the past few days. Truthfully, she was just plain sick of Davydd de Malgwin. But strangely, she still held a physical attraction for him, still warmed to his caresses and kisses.
As Angharad had stood watching Gwenifer and William getting along so beautifully and easily, she had felt the bile rise in her throat with anger. He had not even acknowledged her once, had pointedly ignored her. Angharad was not used to being ignored and it was an unpleasant and distasteful position to be in.
For the next few songs, Angharad refused to dance; she was in no mood for it. Davydd, becoming impatient with her lack of interest, went off in search of another partner. She glared after him as he left. So she wandered around the great hall aimlessly. She stumbled upon a group that included Gwenifer, Rhodri, William, and Robert. She quickly turned to escape their notice, but Gwenifer had seen her.
"My dear, I have been searching everywhere for you!" Gwenifer hooked her arm through Angharad's.
"I've been here," Angharad said coolly.
"We have just been planning a day of hunting tomorrow. Should you like to come?"
There was nothing more that Angharad enjoyed than the hunt, for Shadow was the fastest horse and she the most daring female rider. But she hesitated as she felt all eyes on her. She wanted to refuse, to make it clear she did not want to be in William's company. But she felt compelled to join as she saw a mocking and challenging smirk on William's face.
"I will gladly join you," Angharad said at last.
"Excellent!" Rhodri said, smiling. "Gwenifer has told me of your riding skills and I am eager to see them for myself. Shall you be riding sidesaddle or astride?"
Angharad laughed. "Well, for propriety's sake, my lord, I think I shall choose the side saddle."
"Why? Are you afraid to ride astride?" William spoke directly to her for the first time that night.
Angharad's mouth tightened. But before she could answer, Robert spoke up. "I hardly think that riding astride is appropriate," he said calmly. Then he winked at Angharad. "And Angharad is a lady, after all."
"Thank you, my lord," Angharad said, smiling gratefully at him. Then she looked coolly at William. "And besides, my stallion gets a little more wild when I am mounted astride. So I would not want him startling the other horses."
"Please, do not change your habits on our account."
"My lord William, did you not say you admired this song?" Gwenifer said quickly and brightly.
William's gaze was still locked with Angharad's. "Indeed I did, my lady," he said at last, summoning a smile. "If your husband does not mind, perhaps I could steal him from you."
"Oh I am sorry, but I did promise him this one," Gwenifer said as Rhodri opened his mouth to give consent. "Why do you not dance with Angharad? I dare say she has danced less than half a dozen dances tonight!"
William glanced at Robert, but his uncle's face was neutral. And as he saw the displeased look on Angharad's face, he made up his mind. He grinned and bowed. "I would be honored." He did not know why, but he felt a perverse satisfaction at the thought of her own displeasure.
Angharad was fuming as she glared at her friend. She would never forgive her for this, for placing her in this awful situation. And William seemed to be accepting Gwenifer's proposal with a motive, some sort of malice. But she had no graceful way of declining, so she was forced to accept.
As he took her into his arms, she stiffened. But then she remembered how she'd once eagerly run into his embrace, so in need of some sort of human contact. His arms had always been open and welcome, ready to sweep her up into a crushing embrace As offending and quarrelsome Angharad found William to be, his touch was familiar, comforting, and gentle, and her body relaxed.
"I suppose we must say something pleasant to one another while we dance," William said at last.
"I suppose you are right." Angharad sighed as she searched his blue eyes, his handsome and unsmiling face. Just once, she wanted him to smile at her affectionately and tenderly, as he'd once done, so she could recall exactly what it had looked like. And then, she thought, she could put William behind her once and for all.
"The Lady Gwenifer is an old friend of yours?"
At mention of her name, Angharad smiled fondly. "Yes, she was one of my first friends at court. She named me godmother of her son, Adda, the dearest little boy."
William was caught off guard by Angharad's sudden gentle side. His breath became restricted as he saw a soft smile come to her lips. He remembered that smile when she would be daydreaming or lost in thought.
He cleared his throat and readjusted his hold on her. "Have you returned to Tulan often?"
"No, for Marared has not felt the need to, feels that the lands are in good keeping by our castellan. And I would not willingly return to that isolated hell for anything."
William was again startled by the viciousness and passion in Angharad's voice, at her impersonal use of her mother's name. She was scowling sharply, and her eyes were coldly looking over his shoulder. He knew that if he were to turn, he would see Marared. William had never known how Angharad had felt, had not known the truth extent to how bitter and alone she had been. And he found an old, familiar sense of sympathy arise in him.
"I'm sorry, darling," he heard himself saying. He suddenly knew he meant it, meant it more sincerely than he had ever meant anything. Another old feeling came back to him, one that felt compelled to save her, to give her the comfort and love she deserved.
"I do not need your pity!" Angharad snapped, at once regretted it. She saw William's face tighten, the muscle in his cheek twitch. "I am sorry, William."
"So am I." His voice indicated that he was sorry for many things, and his eyes proved it as they looked into Angharad's.
Her breath caught as she looked into his blue eyes, saw in them an intensity that, at the same time, frightened and thrilled her. It was not the usual and familiar lust, the hot passion of desire; it was something deeper which she could not put a name to. She quickly pulled her faze away from his and looked around wildly for anything else to focus on.
Then she saw Davydd. He was leaning casually against a pillar, holding a cup of wine. His eyes were on her, met hers as she noticed him. They were narrowed and angry. Angharad airily dismissed his anger, for it was nothing new.
It was with great relief that Angharad curtsied at the end of the song, and she moved to retreat. But William had caught her hand.
"Might I get you a cup of wine?"
She hesitated, searching in her mind for a handy and flippant excuse. But as he looked at her with an almost friendly and tender look, she could not refuse. "Of course, my lord." And she took his arm.
As William handed her a cup of wine, he studied her tall and proud figure. There was a guardedness about her, an almost wariness even as she smiled, laughed, and flirted with people. He had been watching her all night. As a young girl, she'd always had a wall around her, one that protected her from Marared and from solitude. It was surprising to find that that wall was still there, even when admirers, friends, and beaus surrounded her.
"I hope you have been happy," William said softly.
Angharad looked at him from overtop the rim of her cup. "Of course I have. Griffith has made sure that I have never wanted for anything. He has been like a father to me. And Hunedd has been very kind, as well. There are my friends, of course, and Gwenifer, my godchild. I have been completely happy."
She knew she'd spoken too much and too quickly and she cursed herself for it. But suddenly she found herself discomfited before William, for he was acting decently, politely. She had been able to handle his angry and quarrelsome side, for that side was a stranger to her and so she could treat him as such. But when he fell back on friendliness, to what she had once known, she was unsure.
"What about you?" she asked. "It seems your exile has turned into a second home."
William smiled wryly. "You could say that, I suppose. But Altar will always be my first home. I was born here, I bled and fought here, and I hope that I will die here. Palasar has embraced me, but I admit I have not fully embraced it. A man does tire of the constant war."
"Do you mean to return permanently then? I am sure that would please more than one young woman here at court." She spoke slyly, teasingly.
"As always, I am at the pleasure of the ladies," he said in the same tone, a twinkle in his eyes.
It was a shocking realization for the both of them that they were teasing each other so comfortably, as if the fight in the temple had not ever happened, as if their bitterness and disappoint in each other had disappeared. And they both found themselves quite pleased with this realization.
* * * *
Some distance away, Davydd watched the two of them laughing and talking with one another, and his fist clenched by his side. He had been so close, so near to claiming his prize, Angharad and her land and money. But now William de Hewitt had to ruin all of his plans.
Well, he would not let William deter him. There would be easy ways to dispose of him.
*As always, please review and tell me what you think!*