Chapter 1: Playboys and Badboys

By: Phat Models


"Come here my pretties." Brown haired, green eyed, tall and lanky Max Underwood whispered to himself, staring at the envelope in his hands as though it were the second coming. Max quickly checked that the coast was clear and proceeded to rip the parcel open. Inside was his precious Playboy magazine. The special swimsuit edition or what he liked to call, sans swimsuit edition.

Someone taped him on the shoulder. "It finally arrived," he said excitedly, turning to his friend Jimmy Netler. Only, the person standing in front of him wasn't Jimmy. It was…."P-principal Shalmer."

Lesson of the day: If someone comes up to you, look at them before you open your big, fat, mouth.

Principal Shalmer glared at Max and snatched the magazine out of his hands. "This," he growled, waving the Playboy around wildly. "Is the most preposterous thing I have ever seen! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Max was busy trying to catch a glimpse of the naked women as the pages fluttered around. Oooh, that was definitely a nipple. "...What? Oh, um... Sorry Sir. It won't happen again," he muttered weakly, complete with a worried gulp.

Principal Shalmer nodded. "That's right, because if this happens a third time, you will be expelled. Now," he started leading Max to his office. "I've been notified that you signed yourself up as a mentor for some of our new students. It would be a shame if your expulsion stopped you from mentoring them."

Max lifted his eyebrows in confusion. Why wasn't Principal Shalmer angry? Why wasn't Max being forced to sign his death warrant? In fact, Max was sure his song "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to my fiery death I go" would be strangely appropriate. Wait a minute he never signed up for any mentoring. "It uh, would be a shame, but Sir...I didn't sign up to be anyone's mentor."

"Yes, you did. Just now in fact."

Max shook his head. "NooOooh," he exclaimed, catching on and realizing that this was his punishment. Max chuckled, this wasn't too bad. He got to show around the new students. He perked up. Maybe they would be super hot chicks.

"I'm sure you'll all get along fine," Mr. Shalmer predicted, though it seemed to Max like the words were more to reassure himself. "If any signs of trouble arise just scream for help….and try not to be alone with them. Okay?"

Max was startled out of his daydream of super sluty new girls. What the hell did Principal Shalmer mean? What were these students - criminals? Woah, super sluty, hot, criminal girls….Ahhh Mr. P was probably just messing with him.

As soon as Max entered the front office he knew something was wrong. There were no new students. Anywhere.

Mr. Shalmer had long realized this before Max, and was currently fixated on the suspicious state of his own office door, which was strangely wide open. He stormed inside with Max trailing behind him.

The sight that met Max blew him and his fantasies away. Six boys were scattered around the room. Two of them were raiding the Principal's filling cabinet. Another two were messing with the computer. And a boy with spiky brown hair, easily the tallest one of the group, was looking at a Playboy.

"Hey Ice," he was saying to one of the boys, who oddly enough had the tips of his blond hair dyed ice blue. "Check her out."

Blue haired boy, more presumably 'Ice' gave the most wicked grin Max had ever seen. "Oh, I'll check her out alright."

"And I'll check you out!" Principal Shalmer screamed, snapping out of his stupor (about time too). "Check you out of this fine school!"

Max snickered; Mr. Shalmer still found the time to complement his 'fine' school. The situation would have been even funnier if Mr. Shalmer didn't look so mad. It was worse than the time Carlos Rameriaz spray painted half his car yellow. Although Mr. P had yet to find out who had done that.

Ice gave him an innocent (but somehow still mischievous) look. "We were just straightening up your office for you, Sir."

Mr. Shalmer turned firecracker red. "Straightening up! Straightening up!" he spat, picking up one of his mishandled files. "You're sorting my documents in files titled 'Pansy Ass' and 'Must Have Been High'." He stomped over to the computer. "You're changing the lunch menu to read 'Shit On Rye' and," He pointed to Ice. "You're looking at naked women! You tell me how that's straightening up!?"

Max glanced at the stack of Playboys. "Hey, those are mine!" Why did Principal Shalmer have them in his desk?

Mr. Shalmer jumped and his thin gray moustache twitched. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I want you all to get out of my office! Now!"

The seven boys stumbled out of the office, laughing hysterically the whole way. Once they were in the hallway, Ice turned to the guy with rippling muscles, spiky brown hair, blue eyes and who had been checking out the Playboys with him. "Yo Sniper, I guess we really blew our chances of getting the 'Good Citizenship' award, huh?"

'Sniper' laughed. "Nah, we've got dirt on The Big P. Can you imagine what would happen if the Playboy issue got out? I can picture the headline now: Secondary school Principal canned - caught wanking the noodle during Office hours."

Ice gave everyone an evil smile. "Ooh, yeah." He stared right at Max. "Thanks for that, man. Is that why you were in the office?"

Max shifted. Something told him that these guys weren't the safest people to be around. "Uh yeah and I was also supposed to, uh, mentor you." He stuck out his hand. "I'm Max Underwood."

Ice looked down at his outstretched hand and sneered. "I'm Ice." He nodded towards the unnervingly tall, dark haired guy, "That's Sniper." Motioning to a guy with red hair, "That's Roy." Pointing to one with bleach blond hair, "Devin." One with a buzz cut and a damn ugly tattoo on the back of his neck. "Jay. And Conner's the one with the attitude problem."

Conner scowled.

It was obvious to Max that Ice and Sniper were the ringleaders.

"So," Ice began. "How's your crops?"

"Well," Max answered unsurely – who the hell asked about crops anyway? "Some of the Minor Niners planted some carrots outback… and the cafeteria always makes sure to stock, uh, salad."

Sniper looked done at his fist and chuckled. "No. He meant how-are-your- girls?" He purposely spoke slow and enunciated the syllables, as though talking to a small child. All the while palming his fist in his hand, making Max want to close his eyes in fear of getting hit.

Max grinned uneasily and tried to laugh it off. "Ooh, well the girls here are very pretty." He instantly thought of Tia Anderson and Alexia Summers, two of the most popular girls in the school.

Alexia Summers, whose long blonde hair was almost as gold as honey, and blue eyes that reminded Max of an ocean when the first rays of morning sun hit it, making it look like it glittered. And her body…damn, how he wished she would pose for Playboy.

And then there was Tia. Her shiny, bouncy, brown hair, big brown eyes, and ruby lips made her look like an Angel, that or Snow White, though lord knows she wasn't nearly as pure.

"Ooh yeah." Max sighed. "Are they ever pretty." Of course they'd never notice him in a million years.

Ice and Sniper shared a glance.

"Like who?" Ice asked.

Max sighed again and finally felt his body ease of tension. He really liked this subject of conversation. It made the guy's act a little less dangerous and even Conner had stopped glaring at him. "Well there's Tia. You'll like Tia, everyone does. But it's better if you pretend not to like Alexia. Her boyfriend Carlos is scary."

Max looked at Ice and Sniper, dangerous vibes seeming to shoot out of them. Personally Max thought they were a thousand times scarier than Carlos and he knew they were the kind of guys who wouldn't give a damn if Alexia had a boyfriend. Hell, they probably wouldn't give a damn if she was married.


By the time second period rolled around Tia still hadn't caught a glimpse of the new students. She saw Alexia standing by her locker and ran up to her. "So have you seen them?"

Alexia gave Tia a huge smile. "Yes!" She squealed. "You will never believe what happened! Ice and Sniper were chewing gum and Mr. Bradley's like 'Oh I'm sorry but gum chewing is not prohibited in this school, I'm afraid you'll have to spit it out blah, blah, blah.' And then Ice spit his out right on the floor and Ernie Edwards stepped in it and was all 'Mr. Bradley he littered!'" Alexia paused to take a breath and laughed. "You should have been there."

To say Tia was confused was the understatement of the year. "Ice? Sniper?"

Alexia gave her the patent 'duh' look. "The new kids."

Tia returned the 'duh' look and placed her hands on her hips. "Those are their names?"

Alexia opened her locker and began searching for her science textbook, she always lost it. "No, Ice's name is really Charlie Cash, but when Mr. B introduced him, he said Charlie was a pansy's name and wanted to be called Ice."

"What about Sniper?"

Alexia gave a triumphant "Ah ha" as she located her book and shrugged. "His name is Ken Masters. I don't know why he's called Sniper."

Tia giggled. "Maybe he shot someone."

"Why don't you ask him?" Alexia teased, pointing somewhere to Tia's left. "He's right over there."

Tia whirled around and gasped when she smacked right into a very hot blue eyed guy.

"Watch it!" The guy snapped, dusting off his black leather jacket.

Tia cringed. "Sorry." She wasn't used to having guys flip out at her. Matter of fact, she knew a few of them would be grateful to bump into her.

The guy walked away muttering, "Klutz."

Tia rolled her eyes, having heard him, and turned to Alexia. "Sorry about that. So where's Sniper?"

Alexia laughed as if she had a private joke. "That was him."


AN: Please review, I'll try to update in a couple days or so.