Sermont: Welcome to the first episode of GOTU Bachelor. After months of searching, we found our perfect Bachelor. He's single, but women have a (very) strange attraction to him.
Xantos: (waves) Hi! I am Xantos! I don't think I have a last name. if I do, Andrea never told ME! And since, ya know, I AM the one lacking a last name.
Xantos: Oh, right. Anyway, I'm Xantos, a water mage. Women are rabidly attracted to my rugged good looks.
Aliasa and Myila: WE ARE NOT!
Myila: Well, I might be.
Aliasa: Don't even THINK about it. (glares rabidly)
Xantos: (confused) Um, right! Where was I?
Sermont: You weren't. I was. (clears throat) So, after finding our (cough)not(cough) perfect Bachelor, we needed to find him some perfect mates!
Xantos: (horrified) I have to MATE?!
Sermont: (quickly, too quickly) No, no, of course not. (winks at audience) Anyway, we found four bachelorettes (Tahara is sort of short on unattached arrtractive women) who were delighted to be part of Tahara's first reality T.V. program. We filmed Xantos meeting them.
(show shot of Xantos looking uncomfortable in a tux. A limo drives up in front of the bachelor garden. The first to step out is Kirona.)
(cut to shot of Kirona flying through the skies)
Kirona: (off screen) My name is Kirona. I am the Sky Guardian. In my spare time I enjoy picking on the Water Guardian and playing with sharp, pointy objects.
(cut back to shot of Kirona getting out of limo. Walks down to meet Xantos)
Kirona: WHAT? Xantos? I thought that the Bachelor was supposed to be handsome!
Xantos: You mean you aren't attracted to my rugged good looks?
Kirona: NO! EWWW! (runs inside bachelor mansion, admiring pointy chandelier)
Sermont: So much for that one, (although I must say, she is somewhat of a hottie).
Xantos: You can HAVE her!
Sermont: (growls) Mamacita! Anyway, the next Bachelorette to meet our lucky man is Aliasa!
(Aliasa steps out of the car, resplendant in a black form-fitting evening dress)
(cut to shot of Aliasa kicking major Aycan butt)
Aliasa: (off screen) My name is Aliasa, and I am the Earth Guardian. I love kicking major Aycan butt, when I'm not incredibly attracted to his evil hotness. In my spare time I lust after Xantos and stalk Myila with glares of poison.
(cut back to Aliasa exiting limo)
Aliasa: (rushes to Xantos) Hello! (envelops him in big hug) I never thought that YOU'D be the Bachelor. Looks like we're in for some fun! (walks off into the mansion, singing)
Sermont: Looks like we'll have some differences of opinion on our Bachelor. Makes for a fun show! Our third bachelorette is Myila!
(cut to shot of Myila making faces in a mirror)
Myila: (off screen) I am Myila. I'm not a Guardian, but I should have been. My favorite things to do in my spare time are lust after Xantos and stalk Aliasa with glares of poison.
(cut to shot of Myila getting out of limo in shiny white dress with sparkles, accenting blue hair)
Myila: (sidles up to Xantos) Hey, Xantos.
Xantos: Um, hi?
Myila: (squeals) This is going to be so much FUN! (skips into mansion)
Sermont: This certainly will be fun! And our last bachelorette is Aycaliana.
(cut to shot of Aycan in drag, doing embroidery)
Aycan: (in a girly voice, off screen) My name is Aycaliana, and I am not a Guardian, but I would be if it weren't for that (bleeping bleeper of a bleep) Aliasa. Uh, I mean I don't really like her all that much. In my spare time I develop plots to take over the , I mean my bedroom. Yes, that is it.
(cut to shot of "Aycaliana" getting out of limo, wearing a red, formfitting dress. He is obviously wearing fake boobs.)
Aycan: (walking femme, doing bad at it, still girly voice) Why hello, there, cutie! And how are you today? I'm Aycaliana, not Aycan. (growls, not in girly voice) Got it? (laughs in girly voice, is embarrassed) Sorry, I have a frog in my throat. (still walks femme into the mansion, trying to sing "I feel pretty")
Sermont: Well, that certainly was interesting, wasn't it? Tune in next week to see who is picked and who is dissed majorly. I'm your host, Sermont, and I'll see ya later. (stops smiling, doesn't realize camera is on) Dang, all that smiling has my face hurting. Now where's Kirona? I'm gonna find that girl and drag her off into a secluded corner for some serious snogging. Kirona? KIRONA!