Disclaimer: The only Evanescence related thing I own is one CD.

Hold on to me love

You know I can't stay long

All I wanted to say was I love you

And I'm not afraid

Can you hear me?

Can you feel me in your arms?

I knew it had to happen one day; we all knew. We all have to give up at some point or another, we all have to fall to out weaknesses, we all have to just let it all go, and I know... we all have to die.

But for my own life, I swear it, I always thought it would be one of the others. I always thought they would go first. It's a terrible thing to say, but I always thought... I never, never thought it would be you. You're a fighter through and through and you always had the will to survive. You lost that will when you thought you found all you'd ever need in life, seeing her sweet smile and suddenly it all just rushed away, but I needed you. I never had the chance to tell you how much you meant to me and that's tearing me up inside more than any damned fight ever could...

And now I never will...

Holding my last breath

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

I think, deep, deep inside, every youkai has the strength to love. Not just me. Not just you. Not just stupid one-night stands I used to find so fun, back as a youko. I mean really, love. I know what love is now. I thought I did, I used to think I knew, but I never really did. Now, having loved and been loved in return, I can't understand how I ever thought I knew it before. The smallest blank in whatever I'm doing at the moment, and I'm thinking of you. I'm thinking of you, it's more wonderful than anything I could ever think of before, and I wonder how I could ever have been so stupid as to think I knew love.

And beyond love, I knew what I felt for you. At first, it was companionship, a tense partnership for some reason or another, I really can't remember that well. Then slowly, slowly it was friendship, a calm, comfortable experience neither of us had experienced much in our earlier lives. Then all at once, all of a sudden, I looked at you and it was love. It was uncertain and it was rough at first, but it was love.

Then carefully, after a long, long time, it grew beyond love. What's beyond love? What do I call this feeling, what I feel for you? I don't know, and really, I doubt I ever did, but I can't just brush it off and say it isn't real. Because it is. It's more real than anything I've ever felt before and I know, somewhere in the very core of my soul, I would die for you. I would die a thousand deaths for you. I would give more for you than I would for anyone in all of three worlds.

But it's all gone now...

I'll miss the winter

A world of fragile things

Look for me in the white forest

Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)

I know you hear me

I can taste it in your tears

I know you knew I loved you. But... long ago, I'm sure that phrase meant something. It had to, once. But no more. I hear it said every day between the faintest of friends, the lightest of acquaintances, in reference to the most meaningless object you could ever think of. Telling you I love you could never begin to describe what I feel.

But now you're gone, and you'll never know... never know how much you made me love you, how much you changed this broken old heart and made me love at all. It sounds so stupid on the literal level, yes, and youko have never really been much good at sounding stupid. But you know what? I don't care.

You're watching me. I can feel it. Not always, but sometimes. Sometimes you slip out of the shadows and watch me and make sure I don't so anything stupid. In my blind confusion I do a lot of stupid things, I miss a lot of obvious clues, I come close to breaking down into nothingness and just losing it all to the darkness. But you're watching me, and I have a little bit of sanity left.

Somehow, though, when you're watching me, everything goes wrong. I was there when you died, I saw you jump in front of me – me – and take that fatal blow, I held you in my arms as you lost the last of your lifeblood... I can't help knowing that it's my fault. You're gone, you who have taught me so much and let me feel so far beyond lust and fun and hate, you who I loved and who truly loved me in return, you're gone, and I can't bear that it was my fault. But even when you're gone, even when the memories leave me in peace for just a little while, even when I can pretend for only a second that it never really happened, even when I can run from it all...

It's still all my fault...

Holding my last breath

Safe inside myself

Are all my thoughts of you

Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight

It's all my fault, and I can't make it go away... but sometimes, only sometimes, in my dreams, I can see you again. I can hear you whispering to me, telling me it's all okay and it's not my fault, and you don't blame me, and you don't hate me.

Sometimes, you tell me it's not my fault, and it's all okay, and suddenly, for only a moment, the pain and guilt all goes away and I feel the rush of love and light and joy, and it really is all okay again. And suddenly, it's not my fault any more...

Closing your eyes to disappear

You pray your dreams will leave you here

But still you wake and know the truth

No one's there

But then I wake up, and it's my fault again, but you were so there, and you were so real, and you told me it was all okay and none of this pain was really my fault, and I just... I just don't know...

And I just want to disappear...

Say goodnight

Don't be afraid

Calling me calling me as you fade to black

But then I remember you...

And suddenly...

It's all okay again...