A/N: I think I'm going crazy; either way, I wanted my suicidal story to be written. The one I wrote for school sucked – had to cut it to some crap thing about some kid because I thought one about suicide would be to long. I was wrong. But now it's too late. Meh… still... I think I went a little to far with the insanity. Oh well, it's almost midnight so I'm a bit delirious. HOWEVER, I'm quite content with the final product. Ok, now go read and review. Don't forget the criticism! I'm thinking this one will be getting a lot."My Only Sunshine"

Short Story By: Cocobeans

You don't understand…

I'm distressed again,

Standing alone again,

Feeling afraid again,

Shedding my tears again…

The sharp kiss of the frigid wind bit me deeply to my bones – I'm shivering again… – they no longer held that tenderness that I had been acquainted with years ago. 'Betrayed'… Upon their once soft fingers were now thorns, slashing at the vulnerable wounds that lay freshly on my arms.

I glanced apathetically at the bloody blade that lay placidly upon the balcony with me, within arms reach, prepared to offer comfort when an old companion calls for help. It was currently of no function to me as my eyes searched the hushed street below; what for, I still don't know. Within the moonlit darkness, I can merely assume that I now searched for a sense of hope; a salvation to liberate me from the onslaughts of pain and anguish.

I sighed, taking in the crisp air that hinted of smoke. Looking down, a group of teenagers of my age came into view, and there you are; your jovial voices echoing through the deserted streets. I winced at your happiness, but at also my wounds; the cuts that ran dug deep into my flesh allowing crimson blood to trickle from the fissures and streak quietly down my pale white skin. They hurt more when I see you.

Baring the pain again,

Watching them laugh their laughs,

Singing like the songs of birds,

I wish I had that…

We were once friends you and I, our friendship was unsurpassed. Those days I still look upon with an affectionate smile, they were the blissful days, the sunny days; but now sinister clouds have formed and I've yet to feel the shower of warm rays again. I can only glimpse at the sun in my memories; but the days were brightest when I was with you. 'You were my sunshine…'

I am still unaware of how it came to be; yet I soon felt such strong feelings for you. Your long golden hair twinkling in the sun, your caring soul, your witty charm all seemed to enchant me in their spell. 'My only sunshine…'

However as the weeks swam by, as my heart beat wistfully in your presence, my feelings grew. How I adored you. I can still feel my stomach flutter when you pulled me in for a hug; hear the chorus of song as you parted your lips to speak. The girl of my dreams. I felt that I could trust you by then, yet when I came to tell you how I felt… 'Please don't take my sunshine away…'

You pushed me away bitterly, tearing my heart to shreds and turning your back as the pieces fluttered away helplessly into the shadows. I stood aghast at this sour rejection and questioned why you would behave like this.

Loneliness again,

Won't you care for me?

Take a risk for me…

Open yourself to me…

You confided honestly that you then felt uneasy in my presence knowing of my feelings for you, the feelings that you could not return. The feelings you vowed that you could never return…

It was then that the fog began to form; I secluded myself from you, but most of all, from everyone. The ache was so great and the anger, the sense of betrayal I could no longer hold back. I sat in class everyday, my heart throbbing, hating, scorning at the happiness of others; most of all, of you. Claying at my brains; frustration, hate, pain, loathing; I would scream, "STOP! WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY?! NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND THE PAINS I SUFFER!"

Yet no one took heed. 'Slowly slipping into insanity…'

At times I cried, "WHY CAN'T YOU ACKNOWLEDGE MY FEELINGS? WHY MUST YOU TURN AWAY?! I NEED YOU!"

But you could not hear; you did not want to hear. You had set up a translucent barrier and scorned, watching me upon the other side; screaming, suffering, dying…

I feel like I don't belong,

Like the gray amidst the white…

I no longer knew how to live anymore, without you, without my sunshine the world seemed so bleak and cold, and desolate.

I feel like a homeless soul,

Like I don't know where to go,

Where my home is anymore…

Yet at times I am still hopeful…

Because…

You can make it change,

Can simply transform my world,

It's the only reason I still live each intolerable day, in hopes that you would speak to me again, and let me hear your sweet voice, singing like the wind chimes that you so profoundly adored.

Just give me your hand…

I still choose to live and remain hopeful… although these horrid scars and tears of blood will stay forever… I am hopeful that you will come back to me…

And let me smile again,

Let me laugh again,

Feel love again

And help me to live once more…