1"I used to love her. I used to feel. Now every thing is nothing. I used to hate people. Now it is nothing. I feel but what I feel is. Nothing. What is the word? Nirvana."
"I used to love her. That emotion. All emotion is gone. I feel like a chalk board. The eraser had swept the words away. Remnants remain but. I feel. Nothing."
"I used to love her. But when she died. I did not cry. I wanted to. I tried to. But then I forgot. I forgot to cry at her funeral. I forgot to mourn her death. I forgot to love her. I remember. Nothing."
"I used to love her. She was gone. I did not remember. Lights. Sounds. Feelings. I do not remember. They told me who. They told me why. Should I have hated them? Yes. Did I, do I? No."
"I used to love her. Now I feel. Nothing." ***
Lights. Red lights. Everything is dieing. Bleeding and spilling the red lights upon the pavement. It is all colors and lights. Red. Blood. A figure. No a shadow. Blood. A dead smile. Empty eyes. Blood. Why is there so much god damn blood? Lights. Flashing. Refracting. Splinters of red lie upon the ground. A body. A familiar face. Dead? Red lights pouring for there eyes. Seeping through there skin.
What is it? Red. So much god damn red? Cold. Why is it cold? Red. Upon me. But. The body. The shards of colors. The light.
God I wonder if this red light has blinded you because you are not helping me. I am cold. The lights hurt. The faces are no longer familiar. Why aren't you helping me? I was good. You are abandoning me? Everyone? Well Fuck you!
I'm sorry. Please. It is so cold. It. he. she. The body. It is dead. The smile is empty. The words are hollow. Red. Please. I'm so cold. Why is there so much god damn red? It. The. colors. My beautiful. shards of lights. It is all. so red. Why is there. so much god DAMN. Blood.
Please. Help them. They move. But they are so cold. Please heal them. They will die. Smiles of eternal death. Smile? Why are they not smiling. why does water come from there eyes? Are they cold? Help them.
The red. So much. god damn. red. Black? Why is it black? It is so. god. damn. Black.
***
God, two best friends dead within three days of each other. Not only that. They were in love. We all knew. Katoko never would have told any one. Rose was to shy. They never knew.
Damn you god. You have to be one fucking screwed person to do this to two people. So what if they were different from other people. We were supposed to be made equal then given free will weren't we? Well fuck you for all you have done to us.
Katoko. I will miss you. The driver said that they were sorry. I bet the weren't. I wish they could die for what they have done. Rose should never have died the way she did don't you think?
Some one called you a coward. I don't even remember who they were. Cross got them good for it. I don't think that you know. I think it was beautiful. The paintings covered in blood. The paintings of blood.
I don't think Rose would have approved. I don't know maybe she is happy that someone loved her that much. Ask her for me please.
Rose. I'm sorry. I should have been more careful for you. I wish I could have died instead. The driver said sorry. I think they were lying. I'm sorry that you never knew. Katoko loved you. I wish you could have known. Maybe you would not have died then. Maybe an odd twist of fate might have saved you.
GOD! I'm so sorry I was not there for you. Cross could not even come. He was too sad. He said that he couldn't come. I thought he was supposed to be Katoko's big brother. He is probably still locked in his room crying.
I'm sorry. I'm not crying. I want to but I guess the fact that you are dead just won't get through to me right now. Rose did you see them? The paintings Katoko made for you? They were beautiful. Did you see them? They did not cry when they cleaned the blood. I tried to stop them but they would not stop.
I'm sorry.