Why is there so much sorrow?
In my life
I try slip out
But there is no escape
Abuse flying through the air
It seems like it's all intended for me
Hurtling for the weak one
Like they know I'm weeping inside.
My insides are crying out
No one is helping
They all walk by,
Strutting through their perfect lives.
I'm lying here crumpled
No one stops
They are deaf to my cries of pain,
Blind to my bleeding
I slowly stand with tears running down my cheeks
My pain is washing down my face
I emerge through the crowded hallway
Only to find more sorrow
Then I spot something
Could it be finally a glimpse of color?
Finally could there be
No more pain
No, I am hallucinating
Trying to ignore the fact that no one cares
Trying to believe that there is a sliver of good left
But I am fooling myself
Maybe I can create my own escape
A physical pain that I brought on myself
A release of everything, through my blood
My own way of suffering
I found my dad's razor
I found my source of relief
I sliced the skin on my wrist,
Cringing at the pain
I looked at my wrist and saw what I did
Blood dripping from my fresh wound
The pain is unbearable
The pain is numbing
I smile at what I have done
I have a release
Controlled pain to free my fears
I am no longer weak.
I have my scars, my razor wounds,
They show that I have been through so much
I press the razor in harder and harder
Making imprints to show the world.
The razor marking my wrist,
Is my paintbrush on a canvas.
Showing the world what I feel,
Exposing my pain to them.
No one knows what I am going through,
My pain is closing me off from them.
I might as well be dead.
Maybe I should leave for good.
No one cares what happens to me anyway,
I'm just one lost girl in a lonely world.
Nobody understands what I'm going through,
Just feeling this horrible pain.
I lock myself in the bathroom,
Sitting on the counter with a choice
Should I live and continue to suffer
Or should I die, and end my desolation.
My heart begins to race,
I can feel the cold, harsh metal against my skin
I have power in my hand,
All I have to do is pull the trigger
Sweaty palms, shortness of breath
I bite my lip and tears are streaming down my cheeks
Slowly my hand tightens on the gun
I pull the trigger and hear a loud shot
I am watching from heaven now
My parents come running, they kick down the door.
My mother comes rushing to my side,
Letting out shattering sobs.
My father is standing there,
A lost look in his eyes.
How could this happen,
I was daddy's little girl.
I stand there watching
My mother is reading the note I left
My father is looking over her shoulder
His tears falling onto his dead little girl.
Hi mommy, hi daddy,
You know that I'll miss you
But I just couldn't go on
Secret after secret and lie after lie
Nobody knew how much pain I was in
Nobody figured it out
I couldn't stand it any longer
My life is much better now.