8I tasted Mississippi Sky
When asked to write a story, people often refer to those situations in their lives when it all changed. Life altering decisions n' horrible predicaments. Sometimes, very rarely, they'll tell a story that was true, and sometimes it'll be a story 'bout somethin' down right important. I'm not sure where my story fits in but, I feel compelled to tell it to ya' anyway.
June 21 Mississippi the year 1973
I was all but fifteen years old. It was one of 'em ordinary days, spending time on burnin' hot side walks. Sometimes you'd be lucky enough to have money for an ice cream float or a soda pop, but we wasn't the type-a rich folk out in Aliberta. That was the name of my hometown. I hadn't had much friends that summer, my best friend Malorie blanc had gone away for the summer, and I was left alone pretty much. Malorie n' I, when was kids, we used to run all over the woods and what not, go swimmin or fishin' down by the stream, or the lake near the Porters' house. Only us kids would go down there. The Porters was colored folk n' that never settled well with the adults in town, us kids though, we didn't care for that too much, so long as they didn't mind us bein' down at the lake all the time.
But now things were different cause well, Malorie was away, and we was all grown up..I mean most the girls started kissin' boys n' goin' to the movies with 'em. Even I had a lousy boyfriend, we only last for a few days. now-a-days fifteen year olds are gettin' pregnant and all that, back then in Aliberta, we was as innocent as we should've been.
Well anyways, I sidetrack a lot. My pa-god bless him- used to yell at me for digressin' all the time. Never really learnt my lesson, truthfully.
So it was one of 'em hot sticky molten days down in Mississippi, if you ever been there you'd know what I mean. When everyones' carryin' 'round a hanky with 'em to wipe the sweat off their faces. Even the ladies in their summer dresses used to carry 'em fans around, to keep cool. It was around eleven or so, I was headed down the road figurin' I'd buy myself some candy or pop or somethin'. I went into Doug Burton's pharmacy, to have a look around. He had a really big fan in there, that made a whole lota noise, so it was much cooler inside the store. I'm not sure why, but a lot of people came by Mr. Burton's pharmacy then, just to have a chat. Especially the men, they always liked to gossip, sometimes more then the women did. Let me tell you, I felt out of place the moment I stepped foot into that store. I was the only girl over five. Pat Smith Jr. had his five year old daughter with him. Back in those times women weren't respected much, I'm sure ya' know. But anyway I was jest there for my soda-pop or whatever it was.
"Well I reckon 'em pirates gonna win playoffs this year. Now I know they ain't from Aliberta, or nothin' but they it's just the closest thing we got to a home team. N' ya'll know they can-" Tim Uncle started off, deeply passionate about some team or another, I didn't really mind it much, I was lookin' about the lollipops.
Now Tim, I don't think so." James B. Henry announced, he was one of 'em men that thought they ought to be more sophisticate then everyone else. He always said right-out that he just got stuck in our town by mistake. "I've seen Melbrooke's boys play and I do believe that the Pirates stand no-" At this point I completely tuned the conversation out of my mind, I was currently over whelmed by all the ice cream flavors. As I had previously decided to go with ice cream, since it would keep me cool and it was good too.
Chocolate
No no, strawberry.
Remember that time with Anna Marie and Malorie when we all had a different flavor, I had the strawberry and then they all got one too cause mine was the best. Yeah.
I was jest 'bout to go up to the counter and ask Mr. Burton for a strawberry ice cream.
"Strawberry n' Chocolate are very good, n' Vanilla, I guess. But they jus' got a new flavor in n' it's even better. They call it Cookies n' Milk." A boy's voice came from behind me. I turned 'round to see a rather familiar face. Though everyone in Aliberta is a familiar face. It took me more then a moment to recognize who he was. 'n then I did, and I was quite surprised.
Jimmy McContire was a boy that lived down the road some years back. Then he'd moved to the otherside of town, n' I didn't really mind it at all. After all we wasn't much of friends, jest went to the same school together is all. Besides if I recalled correctly he was two years older then me anyway.
"Fancy seein' you here." That sounded class. I'd heard Ms. Morgan, my English teacher say it once in the Deli to one of her ol' dates. Ms. Morgan was the prettiest adult woman in town. Everyone thought so, even if they didn't say it right-out.
"I'm moved back to my old house. I saw you comin' out of your's the other day. Didn't know you still lived there."
"Well why would i've moved?"
"I donno."
I made my way to the counter. "Hello Mr. Burton, uh..I'd like to have a strawberry ice cream con-"
"No she wont she's...Your havin' that new flavor I was talkin' bout. really Bessie you ought'a try it, if you don't like it I'll get you a new one. A strawberry."
"Why?"
"Jus' want ya to try it." I had just recalled how odd Jimmy was. Didn't have too many friends neither. Things might have changed, who knows.
Mr. Burton smiled at me uncertainly I shrugged n' nodded n' accepted the ice cream cone.
"That'll be seventy five cents." I dug through my pockets n' found my change.
"Thank you Mr. Burton."
"Anytime kids, now you have a nice day."
"See them boys on the other side of the tracks that other night? Them Negroes was causin' a whole lota rucus I say. We ought'a put up another fence, or they'd be treckin' all about our crops, n' lettin' 'em kids loose. 'S 'bout time we do somethin'. Ain't no gove'enment go'ne tell me what ta do with ma' property." Joe Bickley declared flailin' his arms about n' settin' 'em down to rest on his huge belly.
"That's right."
"Yessir" the other men agreed, as I started pushin' my way towards the front door again, tryin' hard not to drop my ice cream.
"Well now, it aint jus' the property the matter, them Niggers be spoilin' everythin' always have been." Agreed a voice behind me. Finally I made it to the door n' pushed it open, wincin' from the sunlight.
"Well do ya' like it?" Jimmy had followed me out for some reason.
"I donno ain't tried it yet."
"Alright." I started headin' down the road again. No particular destination. I guess I figured I'd take a walk down to the creek. Nothin' better to do. Jimmy was walkin' beside me now, lookin' down at his feet. Neither of us didn't say nothin'. 'Til Jimmy broke the silence.
"Don't it ever bother you?"
"What?"
"The way the men are in this town?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well they have their special meetin's for no dumb reason, n' they keep the women out. n' talk 'bout killin' Niggers all the time."
"Well no they ain't never said they was gunna kill em." Jimmy shot me a glance quickly.
"Well maybe not while your 'round."
"Well they ain't gonna do it anyways. It ain't no harm. N' my papa don't leave my mama out'a nothin'. He always tells her what's goin' on. Every Tuesday evenin' at dinner." I stated proudly.
Jimmy only gave a sigh in return. I guess he didn't wanna' talk 'bout it much. We walked a while just quietly, there weren't much to say anyways. I guess he was jest followin' me 'cause he didn't have much else to do. Anyway by the time broke off of the road n' started down the path in the woods, I guess he knew I was goin' down to the creek.
"Say, why don't we head down to the lake instead? I could use some cool water." He said jest as we passed the giant oak tree, Malorie n' me carved our names into it two summers before.
"I didn't bring a bathing suit."
"That's alright. Common' now."
"What, swim in my clothes? My mama would kill me!"
"Then you can swim in my clothes." He started takin' off his T-shirt. "Here wear this." He said handin' it to me. I took his shirt and gaped at him in awe awhile. Like I said before, Jimmy was older then me by two years, he was seventeen. He didn't have those scrawny bodies the boys my age had. N' his voice wasn't crackin' all over the place neither. His body was lean but strong, n' tall. I'd never seen an older boy shirtless except my brothers.
"What's wrong?" He said glancing down at his body to check that everythin' was okay.
"Um..N-no its fine I-I- uh. Let's go then." I stammered. Boy did I feel awkward. Here I was walkin' in the woods with a seventeen year old shirtless boy whom I hardly even knew, holding his T-shirt, so that we could go swimmin' alone.
"So are your brothers still 'round?" I guess Jimmy wasn't very caught up with news.
"Well, Peter's still in school, Adrian just graduated in June." I paused, hoping he'd forget 'bout my older brother.
"How 'bout John? He win any nice medals? My cousin Arty was awarded the Purple Heart. He says he don't deserve it though. John probably'd say the same thing. Me n' Adrian never got a long too well. But John's a nice guy." I swallowed hard ignoring the giant lump in my throat.
"Yeah he was a nice guy." I said quietly.
"So did he win anythin'? Where's he at now-a-days?"
"I don't know."
"What do ya mean? I thought..." I think it suddenly dawned on Jimmy why I was bein' so quiet 'bout John. "Oh." His cheeks caught a good bit of color and he analyzed the ground as he took his steps. "He didn't come back did he?"
I shook my head, as I stepped on a noisy twig. "The army says he might still be in Vietnam, missin' in action. No one talks 'bout it much, but we all think he ain't comin' back. Ever." I looked away and blinked lots a times, I didn't want him to think I was cryin'. Lots-a people in Aliberta lost boys in the war, it wasn't supposed to be a big deal. But I always missed John. Some days I'd sit in bed thinkin' 'bout what he'd be doin' now. If he was safe. Me n' my mama used to cry sometimes. I'd always come to her cryin' n she'd be tellin' me its okay n' that he'll be comin' back. N' then she'd start cryin' too. John was always my favorite brother. He was always takin' good care of me. Walkin' or drivin' me to school, n' watchin' over me. Adrian was always 'his own man' that's what my uncle always said. He liked playin' football and goin' about with a new girl every week. Peter's the quiet one. Mostly kept to himself n' studied. Always did well in school. All four of us did well in school, but Peter always liked school most. That's why I liked John, Peter was too quiet and Adrian too loud, John was just right. I always waited for him to come home, 'cause no one ever said he wasn't comin'.
"I'm sorry." Jimmy said, I nodded, even though he wasn't lookin'. It seemed like he wanted to say somethin' else but he had nothin' to say. Back then everyone knew there was nothin' one could do to make it better.
"Ya know the cousin I was talkin' bout? Arty? He sometimes would tell me 'bout things that happened in Vietnam. How his friends died n' all of that. That's why he said he didn't deserve the medals. He said they deserved it more then he did. He told me 'bout this one boy named Jack but everyone called him Cig. 'Cause he used to sell his cigarettes for other stuff, he never smoked. That's 'cause Cig was this school-boy, real smart ya' know? Studious n' all that. Anyway, Arty said this one time he n' his company where trekkin' 'cross the jungle there, when the Vietnamese started firin' at 'em, from behind the trees n' all. Well this fella' Cig was a medic, n' he was runnin' 'bout tryin'a save some of his friends. Arty said Cig was holding onto this other boy's guts-"
"Jimmy, I don't wanna hear-"
"Alright alirght, I'm jus' sayin' it how he told it. I'll leave all that stuff out now."
"Thank you."
"Well, he was...Eh...Savin' this other boy's life like I said, ya' know, tryin'a sow up his wounds n' all, Cig kept um...Helpin' him. Well Arty left Cig for a minute, just a minute, to try n' keep the Vietnamese back. He said when he came back he found Cig shot dead, right over the other boy's body. But see, Cig saved that fella's life. Cig took the bullet. He was already tryin' his best, fixin' up the boy's wounds. Guess he thought it wasn't enough, guess he..."
"He died for him." I said quietly. Boy was i shakin' like jumpin' beans. I was usin' a whole lot'a energy jest tryin' my best not to cry. It wasn't goin' too well, I let it get quiet 'cause I was afraid that if I said anythin' I'd just start cryin' like a madman.
"I suppose there's lots'a Cigs in war huh? Maybe ...Maybe John died savin' someone else. I bet thats what Arty meant when he said they deserved it. He said, there wouldn't be enough medals to award all the Cigs there was. N' that the only fault is that all the ones that were meant to get those medals, died for 'em."
Jimmy then looked at me, n' lord knows I didn't want him too. My face was all red n' I had tears runnin down to my neck. I didn't want him to know that it hurt me so much. N' boy was I a site.
He grabbed me by the shoulders n' looked right down at me like he'd known me all my life. "Bessie. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-" before I knew it I was cryin' against his bare chest. I couldn't help it, it just happened. No matter how hard I tried to stop cryin' it jest wouldn't stop, all the while Jimmy kept mutterin' "my I'm so stupid. Why'd i say those things. I'm so stupid. I'm so sorry Bessie." It went on like that for a few long long minutes. Finally I shut off the water works, dried my face n' pulled away from him, suddenly realizing how I had jest been right up against him that whole time. My cheeks grew mighty red.
"It's alright Jimmy, I...I didn't think I'd get so worked up. Jest sometimes...Sometimes I miss him. Ya know? I jest miss 'im."
Jimmy didn't say anythin', maybe cause he really didn't know what it was like to loose yer brother. He jest turned to face the lake, that lay before us in the distance, then he took my hand silently. He didn't even ask if it was alright. I think it didn't matter. We jest walked down to the lake together, hand in hand like that.
Now that was the day Jimmy n' me truly met. The day we got to know each other better. Malorie never came home after that summer, she stayed out in New Hampshire. Jimmy n' me got real close after that. Oh, ya know, my mama was furious when she saw me walkin' in the house with a boy's wet T-shirt that day. When she found out it was Jimmy, she didn't mind us bein' around each other so much. Sometimes she would give me side-ways glances when I said I was goin'a meet him somewhere, or go to his house. Mothers are always thinkin' somethin's goin' on.
Well a month or two passed n' we spent lots'a time together, mostly by the lake or in the movies. Now I'd hate to lie n' say absolutely nothin' was goin' on between us. Half way towards the end of the summer I had my first kiss. Yes, with Jimmy. He found out I hadn't kissed no one yet, n' he said he wouldn't mind showin' me how. We kissed a few times after that, jest for fun. Ya know what I mean? But nothin' ever really went between us. We was jest friends. One day we went down to the lake, swimmin' like we did lots'a days. A Negro girl came out n' started swimmin' near us. Back then this wasn't allowed. N' to be honest with ya' I got a bit scared too. I'd never really talked to a Negro. Jimmy said it was okay, n' jest not to bother her. So we kept swimmin'. It was one of those last days in August when ya' jest wanna hold onto the summer for as long as you can. It was probably our last swim in the lake, n' we knew it. I was swimmin' 'round n' floatin' on my back. N' suddenly I got grabbed from under me, n I got pulled under the water. I was sure it was the Negro girl n' I started yellin' for help, I got so scared I thought she'd kill me for sure, I tried to get out'a her grasp but I couldn't. I jest kept tryin' to swim away, n' comin' up to yell for help 'n take a quick breath. Then I felt like the girl was bein' pulled away. Thank god Jimmy came to save me! I was thinkin'. But then I looked down n' I saw Jimmy's white hands slippin' away from my waist. I was so confused. Behind Jimmy I saw the Negro girl pullin' him away from me. Does she think I was 'fraid of Jimmy?!
"It's jus' me for Christ's sake!" Jimmy yelled at me.
The Negro girl swam away from him a bit. I jest stayed floatin' there with nothin' to say. Before I knew it a buncha' men from town where in the hill above the lake, yellin' down and climbin' towards us, with their rifles. The Negro girl tried to swim away but Bud Smithy grabbed her before she could, n' dragged her onto the shore. Jimmy started swimmin' out fast. N' I followed him.
"What are you doin' to her! 'Said what are you doin'?!" He started yellin'. I couldn't see what was goin' on. But as I got closer I saw some of the men was hittin' her, n' pokin' her hard with the ends of the guns.
"What the hell are you doin' to her?!" He yelled even louder this time. It was the first time I heard Jimmy sound scared or nervous. It made me wanna cry.
"Stop it!"I started yellin' too. "Stop it! Stop it Bud stop! Michael PLEASE! PLEASE STOP IT! DON'T HURT HER!" Jimmy finally climbed up to the beach.
"She didn't do nothin'!" He yelled one more time. Then he changed. He threw Michael Westmoore aside n' punched Bud in the face, grabbed Bud's rifle n' pointed it at the rest of the men. I quietly carried myself up to the beach too. I stood there, watchin' the other men n' watchin' Jimmy, stealin' a few glances at the girl that lay bleedin' on the sand.
"Now. I said she didn't hurt no body. N' if you try hurtin' her. I'll kill ya." He said quietly n' cold as ice.
The three other men backed away, as they helped Bud n' Michael to their feet. Both castin' nasty glances at Jimmy before they turned away.
"Nigger lover." Rider Chad Deller said as he walked away last.
Jimmy let out a long breath n' dropped the gun. I looked at him with admiration for jest a minute n' then I turned my attention to the girl that was moanin' on the ground tryin' to hold all her hurtin' spots all at once. I ran to her side, cautiously at first. But jimmy just came right down on his knees n' started tellin' me what to do, n' helpin' her up to the water to clean off the blood. He wasn't scared to touch her at all. Jimmy ripped off his pants leg n' wrapped it 'round her cuts.
"What's your name?" He asked as he bandaged her knee.
"M.M-Molly. Molly P-Porter." She mumbled, while glancing about at Jimmy n' at me, n' all around, as if someone was after her.
"Hello Molly. My name's James Aiden McContire. But everyone jus' calls me Jimmy." He said politely, like she was just a friendly neighbor. Like she wasn't black at all.
"N'. Uh...This is..." He said lookin' up at me, pleedin' in his eyes that I would act nice to her.
"Bessie Sara Landers, call me Bessie."
"M. Hello. J-Jimmy. Bessie."
I smiled, cause she looked so hurt. I jest thought she oughta' smile. She'd have looked nice smilin'. So I sat next to her while Jimmy finished cleanin' her cuts n' all.
"Well, that should be alright for now. We can help you get home half way, if ya'd like." He offered, while helping Molly up. Half way, I thought. He said half way. I knew why, so did Molly. The people put up a gate between the town n' the area where the Negroes had houses, n' we wasn't 'llowed to cross it. Ever. They had people standin' guard there most-times. They said it wouldn't be right if white folk spoke to any black folk. It jest wasn't right.
"T-Thank you. I can go by myself." She said meekly.
"Here lemme' jus' help you up the hill." Jimmy said, as Molly tried desperately to climb on her own. Jest as she slipped n' let out a yelp, Jimmy caught her arm. "S'all right, I gotcha. Come -on now." I climbed behind them, slowly, watchin' everythin' they was doin'. It was rocket science to me. They finally got to the top.
"Thank you." Molly said again, this time she looked Jimmy right in the eyes when she said it. Jimmy nodded. He looked so upset for some reason. Molly turned around n' started limpin' home through the woods.
I walked up to Jimmy n' put my hand on his arm. "You alright?" I asked. Jimmy appeared to jest wake himself up outa' a day-dream. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine." He was still lookin' after where Molly had once been. Finally he turned to me.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, I'm okay."
"I didn't mean to give you such'a scare I"-
"I know." I said, gatherin' my shoes n' skirt. "Let's get home." N' so we did. We walked home all silent that day.
After that event with Molly n' the rest. The people in town didn't look at Jimmy just the same as they used to. Most of 'em hated Jimmy, sometimes I'd be hearin' 'bout how Bud and Michael and all the other men that was there that day, wanna "show jimmy a lesson or two". i bet they meant they'd beat him up. but they'd never do it. they knew me n' jimmy was real good friends. n' my cousin was the sherif. n' there was my pa, n' my brothers. before those times, everyone used to be most afraid of john if anything like this happened. john was really tall, 'bout 6'2 n stalky, with broad shoulders n' all. john wasn't 'round anymore. but Adrian n' Pete would stick up for me if i ever needed it. it seemed that Jimmy didn't really need the back-up though. Everyone in the town started regardin' him more like a man then a boy. it doesn't happen much that you have a seventeen year old bein' addressed as "Mr." later on in September Jimmy told me how the men invited him to their meetings at the pharmacy. Jimmy, of course, declined. he didn't know it then but i was his biggest fan. as the year went on he had me convinced that black peoples was just the same as us, just different colored. he says that's why he helped Molly n' he wasn't afraid at all. "there was nothin' to be 'fraid of." He told me. i admired everything he was. sometimes he'd remind me of John. the way he knew he wasn't scared of no one, but at the same time he didn't take any advantage of anyone. news about what Jimmy had done spread around town fast as litening. people either thought of him as the hero or the enemy. most of em thought he was the enemy. called him "nigger lover" all the time. you could never tell it any of it effected him. and it amazed me. jimmy was MY hero, n' i was lucky enough to be his best friend too.
Anyhow about eight months passed, spring time was jest comin' 'round, actually I believe we was on our easter vacation. I'd turned sixteen in March. Jimmy was still seventeen, that's jest the way it works. I was glad to have that sticky hot weather back, even if everyone else in town was complainin'. I never did mind it much.
We'd jest been let out'a school, I was sayin' bye to some friends. Mary Lou and Sally n' Susy Ray. All of us 'been planin' on seein' a movie later that day. Just as i was walkin' off, this boy Alan ran up beside me. I saw all the girls give me a smile before they turned around n' left.
"Heya Bessie."
"Hello."
"You excited for easter break?" He said happily. I smiled. Alan was the type-a boy every girl in my grade would'a loved to go to the movies with, or take a walk with. Boy did I feel down right lucky.
"Of course I am. Aren't you?"
"Yes, I am. Sure I am. But ya' know...I was thinkin'..."
"Yeah?"
"Well I'd be a whole lot more excited if, uh..."
"Yes?"
"If you'd say yes to goin' for a date with me." I damn near melted. We both stopped walkin', n' jest stood there lookin' at each other. He wasn't the worst thing to look at, ya know.
"I'd love to Alan."
"Yeah really?"
"Certainly." I'm sure my face was split in half with a smile.
"Well then...I guess now I can be excited." It wasn't too funny but I laughed out of bein' polite n' all, besides he had a fabulous smile. "So I guess, how's Monday sound?"
"Sounds great."
"Okay then." He took a few steps back. "I'll call ya then."
"Okay."
"Okay, bye Bessie."
"Bye Alan!" I called after 'im. I turned 'round n' headed down the road smilin' like crazy, n I did a few skips once I got off of Main st.
I couldn't believe the most wanted boy in school jest asked me out. I was headin' down in the same direction I did everyday after school. This time I was ten times as happy as I usually was.
Jimmy n' me met everyday by the creek, at one specific part where theres a big tree that fell over the creek 'bout 30 years ago. We used to sit on the tree n' talk for hours. I went through the woods, n' put down my books inside the hollow of another ancient tree. I saw Jimmy's books were already there. He was waitin' for me at the creek. I couldn't wait to tell him bout Alan.
As I walked across the woods I took in everything, like I usually did. I wasn't one of 'em people that jest passed everythin' by. Down in Mississippi we was simple folk. Not much happened down there, so you always had time to pay attention to the littler things.
I found Jimmy sittin' on the huge tree, danglin' his feet over the water, studyin' the bottom of the creek or somethin'. Suddenly I didn't wanna tell him 'bout Alan. I didn't want our conversation to be any different then it was the other day. Somethin' inside me jest thought it'd be better off not tellin' him right that minute.
"Hey Jim."
"Hey Bess. Took you awhile to get down here."
"I know I was...I was takin' my time." I said laughin' a bit nervously, I'd almost just gave the whole Alan story away.
"Yep you jus' take your time at my expence why not." He said smiling. "Come here n' sit Bess." He patted the bark near him. I took his offer willingly, n' sat down. A few quiet moments passed, we leaned against eachother's shoulders n' looked around a bit. Quiet moments like that never felt strange between me n' Jimmy, we was jest lost in our own thoughts, n' when we was done, one of us would say somethin'.
An ant crawled up my shoulder n' I flicked it off. "Bess ya know, things are gonna be different soon." God only knows where that sentence came from.
"Whatd'ya mean?"
"I mean I'm graduatin' in two months. And..."
"Yeah I know. So what. Its not like your headin' out to anyplace." He hadn't mentioned anythin' to me. "Are ya?" I waited for him to say no. But he just sat there quietly lookin' straight ahead to the point in the distance where the creek disappeared. "Jimmy?" I waited a bit longer. "Are ya?" Jimmy looked back down at the bottom of the creek. Finally he turned his face towards me, the bits of sun light comin' through the tree tops highlighted his hair, n' his hazel eyes became strikin' bright green under his seemingly longer and light colored eyelashes. His lips parted as if he was bout to say somethin' n' then they closed again. He turned away again and sighed.
"My pa arranged for me to go to school in Alabama." He ran a hand through his short brown hair. All the way in Alabama I thought. I'd only crossed the state border once, n' it was only right across the border. Boy was I gettin' nervous. I almost cried. How could he leave me to go to school in Alabama? Why would he leave Aliberta?
"Its... Its only in Washington County. That ain't too far. I've...I've been there before. You can come visit me sometime. On weekends. Or..Or i'll come back here." His legs dangled back n' forth over the crystal calm water. How could that water be so calm. Why was all my friends leavin' me all the time?
"Wa- Washin'ton Coun'y is big. I mean I never seen all of it. Have you?"
"No."
"No." I said quietly. I knew he was goin' to the part all the way on the other side of Washington, near the river. Otherwise he wouldn't be so upset 'bout it. N' I wouldn't be so upset 'bout it niether. Besides my pa once talked 'bout that school to John before he went into the army. He said it was called Tombigbee College. Tombigbee is the name of the river in Alabama. John didn't wanna go cause it was too far from home.
"Why didn't you tell me 'bout it?" I asked, tryin' my best to stay calm. I wanted to smack him for bein' so foolish. But I sat there n' looked at him, waited for a stupid excuse.
"I..I didn't know 'til this mornin'. My pa said he got a letter n' I gotten accepted to the school. Honestly Bess I didn't think I'd get in. I...didn't wanna make you worry for nothin'."
I nodded. He was watchin' me, waitin' for some sorta reply, some sorta reaction. I thought 'bout gettin' up n' walkin' away, n' then I thought bout what good that'd do. Nothin'. It wouldn't do nothin'. So I jest sat there, said nothin' at all. Stared at both our legs danglin' off the old tree. There was too many questions to ask, n' too many reactions to have, n I decided to do none. If I asked him not to go, he'd tell me he didn't wanna, n' his pa was makin' him leave. I already knew he'd be gone in the fall. N' that if I got up n' walked away I'd only regret it later. So I stayed. N' waited 'til it got dark. He asked to walk me home, n' i said nothin' so he did.
"Bessie." He said while walkin' with me down my street. I turned to look at him, suddenly I just wanted to cry. I didn't want him missin' from my life. I'd miss him more then Malorie, n' I didn't know why. N' I couldn't help it. "I'm sorry." He swallowed hard. Probably had that same chokin' feelin' that I had in my throat. I watched his Adam's Apple move, n' wondered if he would be able to tell if I swallowed my emotions down like him, without the Adam's Apple.
"Okay." There was nothin' else to say. We kept walkin' til we got to my house, we said goodnight's quietly, like strangers.