It's been seconds now,
Minutes.
It's been hours now,
Days.
It's been months now,
Years.

And still my heart yells out your name
You boy, who I said I loved.
You boy, who I knew I loved.
You, the boy, the betrayer, the liar
The lover the friend,
The cheater, the Devil, the scorcher
My love, my one, my only
You, the boy who I loved.

What are you doing now?
Sitting, standing, lying down?
What are you thinking now?
Of me? Of you? Who?
What are you feeling now?
Love, hate regret?
Anger and torment and fear

What are you doing now?
Screaming, crying, hurting?
Laughing, grinning, running?
Are you hiding in shame
Or out in the sunlight, feeling
Glory
Not shame.

I shouldn't be thinking of you
I told myself I wouldn't.
And still there you are
At the edge of my thoughts
Taunting me, tempting me
To call, to write, to break down and cry.

I told myself I hate you
I told myself I loved you
I am such a liar
I can't even trust myself anymore.

It's been seconds now,
Minutes.
It's been hours now,
Days.
It's been months now,
Years.

Where are you?
That, at least, I know.
You are here, in my heart
In my mind
On my mind
You are busy
Haunting all my dreams
Following my footsteps
To appear whenever I am
Least prepared

I have no time to brace myself,
To clench my teeth, to squeeze my fists.
I sit in that building, all alone
Surrounded by people
All alone
You are my best company.
You, who isn't ever there.

How strange is that,
That where real people don't satisfy
The very memory of you
Is enough for me.

You barely reached my shoulder,
And yet, somehow,
You always were so much larger than me.
So much larger than my friends,
Larger than life itself

No wonder you are my all,
My everything.
No wonder it's been years,
And you're still here
Here with me
But not by choice.

It's been seconds now,
Minutes.
It's been hours now,
Days.
It's been months now,
Years.

But it makes no difference.
You're still here.
Will you ever leave?