One day she just killed herself. She'd been lying on the floor of a friend's basement, staring at the pool's reflections on the ceiling. The party was over but she was spending the night. Her thighs were still sore from fucking a random guy in the bathroom earlier, but the feeling was unattached. He'd given her a bead-sized pack of white powder for the two of them to do afterwards but he fell asleep or passed out before they'd even finished. She did a few lines alone and realized it wasn't cocaine or heroine. She stuck the remaining under her bra, unsure of what it was as an odd sensation of disorientation washed over her. GHB? Her body gave out on her as the floor slammed into her face. She lay plastered to the ground, gravity raping her of strength while the air pushed down on her back. She was terrified. She could see the boy's legs hanging over the edge of the bathtub. Her mind went crazy with paranoia, her throat trying franticly to make noise, her muscles paralyzed though she was swinging wildly in her mind. Then she could not feel her body. She wondered where she was. She didn't recognize the bathroom though she knew it was familiar. A face popped into her brain, a girl. A girl with a warm smile and light freckles and pink skin with her arms across her stomach and a bad posture, her eyes sparkling and her strawberry blonde hair cascading in waves down to her elbows. Who was this girl? As with the bathroom, she knew who this girl was, a friend. Who though? Which friend? Why could she not think straight? She laid there in shock as more faces and places came to mind. She'd thought she had died, overdosed on pure cocaine and broken her heart. It'd explain why her breaths were coming so slowly, why she couldn't move, why everything seemed so foreign and these forgotten memories were coming to her. The cold tile on her bare back and legs seemed far away, as though she had some invisible buffer from them. There was a buzzing in her head or around her head, like the hum of a very loud computer modem. Suddenly her arm smashed into the porcelain tub. She tried to stand up, but couldn't, instead maneuvering herself into sitting position against the toilet. The room wavered and her stomach lurched. She could barely turn her head into the bowl, but she managed, vomiting beer and dissolved potato chips from earlier. The boy lay unstirred across from her. She fought harder, trying to pull herself off the ground, balancing on the edge of the sink. The room swayed and the doorknob seemed to wobble as she fought to unlock it. She banged along the wall on her way back to the indoor pool area and saw the freckled girl again.

"Anna honey, where have you been?" the girl had said, hugging her around the waist and fingering her hair. "Everybody was looking for you. Where's that guy you were with? …Oh. I see."

The girl wiped Anna's nose of the obvious powder.

"I'm so dizzy." Anna heard herself say, feeling incredibly warm and secure.

"Poor sugar. Sit down." The girl said, pulling her friend towards a day bed. "What happened to you?"

"Ok, don't get offended, but who are you?" Anna asked softly.

"Are you serious? Oh my god, something must be wrong."

"Yeah, I took something. It's hard to talk or explain. I know who you are, but I don't, you know? I don't. I'll tell you when I'm not so drained… Sorry. I'm just so sick now."

"No, it's alright. It's me, Erika, your best friend since 6th grade. We were having a party and you were staying over. Do you want me to call an ambulance?"

Anna shook her head then turned to puke on the carpet. Erika just held her hair back like a loving mother. There were a few kids still hanging around, passed out like slugs or making out in corners. A dark haired boy stumbled out of the bathroom an hour later, clearly under the influence, red eyes peaking from under his long bangs.

"Hey! You!" Erika yelled. The boy looked over, surprised and pointed to himself. "Yes you!"

Erika stomped towards him, "What did you give her?" she demanded, pointing to Anna. The boy looked at the long legged girl lounging, her thick straight mane covering her face.

"I don't know no nothing about no girl. I'm clean." He said, holding both hands in the air and shaking his head, slowly backing away from Erika.

She grabbed his corduroy jacket. "You tell me what that white shit was that she was sniffing or I'll have your ass arrested for statutory rape."

The boy sobered up immediately. "Chill out, Red. It's nothing. Special K. It'll be out of her system in a couple hours."

"It better be." She said, loosening her grip. He pulled away.

"And I didn't rape her. She said she was old enough." He added as he headed for the staircase. Erika crossed her arms and watched him leave before heading back over to Anna who was still a bit out of it, and barely seemed to be breathing.

She hadn't killed herself yet. Erika watched her for the next hour as the other people began leaving. Soon the two were alone in the room. By now, the hallucinations weren't as strong though Anna was still a bit nauseas.

"Girl! You scared the shit out of me. I almost called the hospital on you!" Erika exclaimed.

"Really? Wait, is that guy still in your bathroom?" Anna asked.

"No! He left, punk ass self. Did you know what he gave you?"

"I thought it might have been coke? Something white."

"Special K. Do you know what that is?"

"Heard of it… Do you?"

"Not really. But that was scary. You didn't even recognize me." Erika said, appalled while Anna looked at her incredulously.

"Hmm." She replied thoughtfully.

"Well, what's it like, knuckle head!" the girl lightly punched her thigh.

"Well, it's not bad actually. It's nice right now. I guess I just freaked a little."

"Can I try it?"

"There's no more left. Besides, it's probably not something you'd like" Anna lied, then drifted off into silence.

She'd been thinking about a lot of things, mostly herself. Her mind wandered outside of herself, in her own little world separate from everything else. She considered relationships with people; decided she loved Erika, declared herself ruler of the world. There was music playing in the background. She stood up, still dizzy and laid on the floor by the pool, staring up at the rippling turquoise waves moving at a frenzied pace across the ceiling. The hallucinations were vivid, like a bad acid trip. She decided maybe she'd just handled it badly and her mood fucked it up. She'd be trying it again. She thought of her reflection in the mirror. She was so dissociate, it could have been a complete stranger staring back at her. She hadn't liked what she'd seen, the garish coral lipstick smudged on the lips of an over bronzed face. The hazel eyes had been wide with shock; her sequined backless top and miniskirt looked obscene like the costume of a streetwalker. What had she been thinking?

She no longer wanted to be Anna. She turned her head to Erika.

"I want you to start calling me Anastasia again," she announced to her friend's questioning expression with a shrug. "Anna is a shitty name. Let's cut my hair too."

She struggled to pull herself off the floor, faltering a bit near the edge of the pool, and then swerving towards the wall for balance. She headed towards the mini bar and fumbled about for a pair of scissors. Erika raced over, yanking the scissors from her buddy.

"Don't be stupid. Wait till your sober. You love your hair." Erika reasoned.

"I hate it! It's skanky!" she retorted. Erika hugged her. "2 bottles."

"Huh?" Erika asked.

"That's how much I need just to tame this stupid bitch." She wailed. "Fuckin conditioner. You think a person is born with hair this perfect?"

"Fine… I guess bangs won't hurt, but I'm not letting you cut all your hair off Anna."

"Anastasia. Anna is fuckin dead. I killed that bitch."

"Anastasia is too long though."

"Fine! Stace then. You're so aggravating. Cut my hair now." She pouted. Erika gingerly snipped off a few chin length chunks to frame 'Stace's' waist length locks of hair.

"What's next? A dye job?" she said sarcastically, then pushed 'Stace' who seemed to be considering it. "I was only fucking around. You need to cut back on the partying."