There's Something About Nothing

The Book based on the upcoming movie that I'm making!

The Book

Copyright©2004 by JAM inc. and F.A.R.T. inc.

It was finally Spring Break while Jack, Jay, and Ashley stood around outside the school and talked. "I can't believe it's finally Spring Break!" Jay(played by Erik L.) shouted.

"Yeah! And I get to go to my summer house-but in Spring!" Jack(played by Jon T.) shouted.

"I'll miss you," Ashley(played by Molly G.) pouted.

Then Jake(played by A.J. W.) came running up, "Pepsi and Coke are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?"

"That guy el loco nino," Jay said.

"What's that?" Ashley asked.

"It means," Jack started, "the crazy guy." They all stood around for a few seconds, and then left in different directions, Ashley and Jay for their buses, and Jack to his mom's Porsche.

"Hey mom!" Jack shouted, getting into the car.

"You all packed and ready?" Jack's Mom(played by Shirley T.) asked.

Jack just rolled his eyes and said, "I told you this THREE days ago...YES!"

"Now, we're just gonna stop at home, and then go to our summer house for spring," Jack's Mom said.

They finally reached home and went inside, to get their suitcases and came outside. Jake ran up and shouted, "luggage and baggage are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?" He then stole a bag from Jack and ran off.

"WAIT! My Game Cube's in there!" Jack shouted at him.

Senor Anthony(played by Dennis G.) came up walking his dog, and said, "hello, you must be the people here for a week."

"Yes, we are, how is it here?" Jack's Mom asked.

"It's nice, but I must warn you, there are a lot of crooks and thieves around here," Senor Anthony replied.

Jack's Mom just bent down to Jack and said, "now Jack, remember what I said. No fighting crime while we're here, I want this to be a memorable Spring Break, and I don't want you out all the time. I'm going to be shopping the whole time, so you'll need to take care of the house."

"But I don't wanna spend my whole Spring Break cleaning up the house!" Jack replied unhappily.

"I'll bring you back a candy bar," Jack's Mom smiled.

"SURE!" Jack shouted back enthusiastically.

Jack flipped through channels and stated, "there's nothing on." When suddenly there was a knock on the door, he went upstairs and opened it to see three people.

"Hello, my name is...Fred, yeah that's it, Fred. My car broke down, can I use your phone?" Agent Mack(played by Mack R.) asked.

"Where's your car?" Jack asked.

"Somewhere in Wisconsin," Agent Max(played by Max K.) replied, then was elbowed by Agent Mark(played by Pat H.).

"I mean...right around the corner," Agent Max replied quickly.

"Then go to the house over there!" Jack shouted at them, and slammed the door.

"OW!" Agent Mack shouted loudly. Jack saw a bloody hand in lodged in the door.

"Sorry," Jack said and opened the door to let the hand out. He then went back to flipping through channels.

Then, Agent Mack came up to the glass door with a huge rock raised above his head, ready to break it open, then he slid the door open.

"Cool!" Agent Mack shouted, "It's open!" Jack turned around and gasped, as his friend Jay was having seizures outside.

"Where'd he go?" Agent Max asked, still at the door, Agent Mark lifted his hands to say 'I don't know'.

Jake ran up and shouted, "Walgreens and CVS are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?"

"Where'd they go?" Agent Mack asked looking around, then Agent Mack and Jack started to fight, and Agent Mack pushed Jack into the couch...

"Any last words?" Agent Mack grinned.

"Yes," Jack replied, "macho man.

"What?" Agent Mack asked.

"Macho man," Jack said again.

"I don't understand," Agent Mack replied.

Then Jack turned around and broke into song, "MACHO, MACHO MAN!" Then, suddenly people started coming out of the cupboard, and from other rooms singing 'I WANT TO BE, A MACHO MAN!'

A fat guy came out from behind a thin pole singing along. Suddenly, a guy robbing a store clerk, and the clerk sung 'MACHO, MACHO MAN!' At their old school-'I WANT TO BE, A MACHO MAN!'

It seemed as if the whole world broke into song...which they apparently did. Then all of a sudden, it was over.

"Well that was pointless," Agent Mack said confusedly.

"...But it distracted you!" Jack shouted, and ran off with an evil laugh.

Agent Mack went and opened the door to let the other two agents in, and said, "well, we're here for what we came for-ALL THE MONEY IN THE HOUSE!"

"...And I've got all the money with me!" Jack shouted back to them.

"FOLLOW HIM!" Agent Mack shouted.

"We lost him," Agent Mack said.

Jack flipped through channels, eating popcorn as Jay was stabbed by Jake outside, and he said, "man those guys were stupid. All I did was run around the house, and they took off down the street!"

"Man we're stupid!" Agent Mack shouted, "all he did was run around the house, and we took off down the street!"

Jack flipped through channels some more, when Senor Anthony came out from under the couch, saying, "I understand that you are having problems with the criminals. I cannot help you there, but can I have some popcorn?"

"Go right ahead," Jack said, pointing to the bowl. Senor Anthony grabbed the bowl, and took off with an evil laugh.

"That was one messed up dude!" Jack shouted to the people at home. Then, Agent Mack walked in, then Jack's Mom walked in.

"Are you playing nice with your little friend? What's your name, sonny?" Jack's Mom asked Agent Mack.

" name is Rick," Agent Mack replied.

Jack gasped and said, "I thought you said your name was Fred!"

"It doesn't matter!" Jack's Mom shouted.

"Can I sell my friend on eBay?" Jack asked.

"Whatever honey, I have to go to Old Navy to pick up some jeans. Have fun!" Jack's Mom replied.

~~Too dase latre~~

Agent Mack looked at a sign that read 'Welcome to China', and said, "Oh great, I was sold to someone in China!"

Then Jake came running up and shouted, "Japan and China are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?"

"I know that already," Agent Mack said, and Jake ran away.

~~Too dase latre~~

"So now how are we gonna get Jack?" Agent Mack asked, and Agent Mark started jumping around.

"I think Mark is trying to say something!" Agent Max shouted, as Agent Mark pointed wildly at Jack who was creeping by.

"" Agent Mack guessed.

"French fry?" Agent Max asked.

"Hey morons!" Jack shouted at them, and the agents turned to see Jack hiding behind two leaves.

"Shut up leaves! What do you know?" Agent Mack asked. Jack started walking backwards, then turned around and sprinted away.

"You know, I think that might have been Jack!" Agent Mack shouted as Agent Mark smacked his own head.

"Oh great, NOW how are we gonna get him?" Agent Mack asked.

~~~~~COMMERCIAL ~~~~~

"THE SUBWAY DIET LIES!" Some guy shouted, "EAT FUDGE PUPPIES, LOSE WIGHT FAST!" He took a bite of it, and a bean bag fell to the ground, he smiled widely.

~~~~~COMMERCIAL ~~~~~

"Ha!" Agent Mack shouted, "we finally got you!"

"Mack, that's a rock with Jack's picture taped to it," Agent Max told Agent Mack.

"I can't believe I fell for it," Agent Mack said, convinced as Agent Mark smacked his own head.

"So, you're looking for Jack?" Senor Anthony asked, walking up.

"How did you know?" Agent Mack asked.

"Because you've been shouting 'JACK! I'M GONNA GET YOU!' for the past hour!" Senor Anthony replied.

"So can you help us?" Agent Mack asked.

"No, in fact, I don't even know why I'm here, bye," Senor Anthony replied, walking away quickly.

Jack walked down the street singing 'macho, macho man., and realized he should probably call the police, so he took out his cell-phone, and called them.

"I wonder when we'll get him," Agent Mack said.

"YOU ARE SO STUPID!" Agent Mark finally shouted, "I QUIT!"

"You can't leave!" The director shouted, coming out, "you make this movie funny!"

"REALLY?!" Agent Mark shouted, "WELL I'M WALKING!"

"Well, I'm glad you decided to come back," Agent Mack said, holding a rock with Agent Mark's picture on it.

The director hold his thumb up and winked. Then, suddenly the cops showed up and arrested the agents and the rock.

"Why are you arresting the rock?" Agent Max asked.

"For impersonating and agent!" The cop replied.

"Here's the candy I promised!" Jack's Mom said.

"YAY!" Jack shouted excitedly, "That makes this all worthwhile!" He turned, put up his thumb and winked, then was hit in the head by a bean bag, and dropped the bar.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jack shouted. The guy from the commercial came, took the candy bar, put his thumb up and winked.


Agent Max and Jon held up a hula hoop and Agent Mack, wearing a fake pig nose said, "That's all folks!"

Suddenly, Jake ran up and shouted, "You and Porky the Pig are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?

"Shut up," Jay shouted.

"Yeah, Shut up!" Ashley also shouted.

"SHUT UP MORONS! Except you Ashley, and you Jay. Don't forget Agent Mack, and Max, and rock with Agent Mark's picture taped to it. I kinda like my mom too, Senor Anthony's a little crazy, but he's kinda nice. They're okay, but EVERYONE ELSE SHUT UP!"

"Who're you talking to?" Jay asked.

"The end!" Everyone said.

"The end and the beginning are the same thing! Why don't you GET IT?" Jake shouted, and was punched in the mouth by Ashley as Jay had another seizure.