2thank god for daylight savings time
i love the light; maybe someday it will bring some color into my skin
Stevie Nicks..not good to start the morning off with
add some black coffee; ill be fine
its been almost 3 years since that day; it was a thursday
the daylight was sleeping and the babysitter was waiting for Apollo to return
when i got out of the shower.
it came more of a shock than sadness at first
When that little Bastard Shock was finished with me i had no energy to fight that Son-of-a-Bitch Sadness off with
so he attacked me with his dreadful thoughts & his sullen guilt
The wake was horrible
the make-up made my father look like a poorly made marionette
Wheres Geppeto and Pinochio when you need them!
there was a clump of pink lipstick in the crease where his lips met
and his body was chillingly stiff like slate
he wore a cheap white ralph lauren button down
i wrote a letter to him and placed it in his p0cket
somebody robbed it from his pocket and started to read it;
i was 12 years old
i also left Are you Experienced in the coffin ; Hendrix in his prime!
i try to avoid the room he spent his final months in;
the crummy t.v. at the edge of the bed
the old flat pillows with yellow stains in them
the plastic bottle he used to urinate in and chuck out the window b/c he was too weak to get out of bed
the pornographic tape "Screamin For Semen 16" i found under the bed one time..i wonder what became of it
the oxygen tank
the cigarettes
i remember we were supposed to go fishing 2 weeks prior to my fathers death
when the day came he backed out; for reasons i never knew why and will never know why
i held that grudge for those 2 weeks and when i found out he died guilt snuck into my mothers room;
it crept on the floor..so silent..and when i least expected it..the guilt came from behind
strangling my life
it converted the remorse and pointed it directly at me
that remorse gave faster than a child does for candy...faster than an addict runs to his pipe..
faster than the stubborn man blames everybody else for his problems
well if i was never mad at him for it..he would have never died
maybe he would have never died