Reflection on the Burial and Resurrection

Oh, He is gone. My Lord is gone…

You are my strength, my Lord. I am nothing without You. I need You. I love You. Please do not leave me….

Why have I been so hard-hearted? Why did I not say these words when I had the chance to say them? Why did I not show how much I am able to love You and my fellow man? Why did I not listen to Your parables and teachings before You died for my sake? Why are life's lessons learned when it is a little too late?

And I still do not understand why You died on the cross for my sake.

You are gone now, my Lord. I really do not understand all these events that just happened before me.

Heaven and earth both become angry because of Your death.

The sky darkens, reflecting the darkness within my soul.

Then come thunder and lighting, repeating the cries of pain I feel inside me. The ground shakes, as if my trembling inside shakes the very ground I stand on.

I do not care about the thunder, lighting, or the earthquake. Whatever is going on inside me is far greater than what is going on outside.

I tremble in fear for so many reasons. I find myself weak on my knees. I fall to the hard ground. I close my eyes. I begin to pray, with my broken spirit and guilt-ridden heart guiding me.

Oh, Lord, I really do not understand. I still do not understand why You just died for my sake, but my heart says that even a sinner such as me deserves love from You.

For everything, my Lord, I am eternally humbled and grateful.

I am so sorry for everything I have done. Please wash me from my sins and help me keep clean in word, thought, and deed. Please use Your hands and mold me into the person you wish me to be. Please show me the way home.

As I see Your body being sealed in the cold tomb, I feel that I am being sealed with You. I continue to pray as my innermost self begins to crack and cave in. As I close my eyes and bow down my head, warm tears stream down my cheeks and hands.

Then my heart and soul collapse and release the angry waters of my years of hopelessness, guilt, and sin. These ocean waters sweep me away helplessly. I am so afraid.

Someone, anyone, please save me…

In the middle of my bloodcurdling screams, three strong right hands draw me out from the angry currents. He looks like my Lord, but can it be?

Immediately after He draws me out of the waters, my Savior hugs me. This hug is the same hug that earlier comforted my tired spirit.

It IS my Lord! Only He can give such a sweet embrace. Only He knows how to comfort the mind, body, heart, and soul – all at the same time. His hug says it all. Yes, even a sinner such as me deserves His grace, mercy, compassion, sacrifice, and most especially love. To deny such Truth is refusing Heaven itself.

I never realize until now that I have been so tired from this journey. My weary head and body rest on His strong chest and shoulder. With His tight hug, I do not know who misses who more – our Lord or me. I have never felt so humbled, privileged, and loved.

For the first time, I choose to receive love and compassion from a loving Heavenly Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – rather than to relive the sting of the countless wounds and stripes I have received from my many sins.

In this moment of total surrender and repentance, I have never felt so free and so loved.

I cry like I have never cried before – in the arms of the One who continues to embrace me, carry me when I can not go on, and always love me in spite of my imperfection and many offenses.

My heart leaps for joy! My Lord is alive again! I will never miss this opportunity to tell and show Him how I truly feel.

What do I say? Words cannot totally tell how I really feel inside. My heart then speaks to me, and assures me that He will understand me – now and always – especially when I speak the language of the heart.

As we continue to embrace each other tightly, I hug Him tighter with no intention of letting Him go…

…As I say, "Father, thank You for everything. Thank You for forgiving and redeeming me. Please let me stay in Your arms and never let me go, because I am now truly and finally Home…with You…"