2I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
I see them looking at me, thinking 'She can be better than this".
But they don't know, do they?
They don't know what it's like to be me.
They whisper to one another, "Look" they say, "It's her, that one that's special"
She's 'different', 'weird', and 'a loser'. Because I don't want their futures. I don't want to sleep around or discuss make-up brands. I don't want to be ordinary. That's the one thing I'm scared of. Losing myself in the crowd again.
They think I'm some kind of freak of nature I suppose. -This girl that does well in her exams without studying much.
Ha. I don't study, that's truth enough, but they don't know why I don't study do they?
So, why don't I study?
Because I don't freaking care.
That's why I don't study. And then my brain seems to spite me by carrying on well throughout my exams. I don't think anyone notices though. It would make for an interesting discussion.
~So, why don't you study young one?
Because I don't give a ****.
Oh, that's nice dear. Now run along and play with your sisters, will you?
Sure, Grandma~
No, but seriously I wonder what would happen if I pulled that on my grandmother.
No cares…
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I don't want to turn out like my parents. No fear though, we are very different. But at the same time, we have so many similarities too.
I like to attempt to befriend everyone that I don't consider one of those horrible haughty people.
Whereas they have these select qualities that they like in people. Sometimes I wonder exactly how many friends they have. I'm pretty sure I could count them on my various fingers and toes.
But then again, the same goes for me. In the friend count situation that is. It's just I have a wider variety in my humble group.
I'm sick of the cool people. Did you ever really look at them? Try, most of them are as ugly as they are stupid. And trust me, they're plenty stupid.
I consider my self above them in every way. If I didn't, I don't know where I'd be. In the mental hospital? Or perhaps six feet under?
Luckily I'm strong. I have my mind as a refuge. A soul room perhaps. I'd like to wander in my mind one day. Hunt out the old obsessions. Reinvent them perhaps?
Sweep everything out of the corners and give it all a good polish.
Not likely except in metaphoric form though. My action ship sunk a long time ago. Has my spirit broken? I don't know so I suppose it has.
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I might flip out one day, just snap. But I'll hold it in until then. When I go, it's gonna hurt, and almost certainly not just me.
And you know what? They're all going to deserve it.
They keep driving me. They're going to have to face a brick wall sometime.
The wall will be me.
But not yet. No, I'm saving up. Like a child keeps its pennies greedily under guard, I hold tight to my sanity. There's only a scrap or two left nowadays though, just enough for a gauzy mask.
Masks have a lot of purpose in them. They hide. They protect. They decorate.
Well mine is yellow. Sunshine yellow.
A colour missing from underneath., because the real me is a spiral of darkness.
Death black and blood red. Swirling like kaleidoscope lenses. You look into my eyes, my true eyes and I'll devour you.
You'll fall into that pit of perpetual pain. And begin to feel a fraction of the hell that you've given me.
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Trust is not a word I know anymore. You all betrayed me the day you didn't notice.
You didn't notice me standing beside you, clutching my mask to my face, glistening tears trickling down my cheeks.
Those tears stained your soul forever. And I don't believe in dry-cleaning.
Why do I try to live like the rest of you?
I do not belong so why do I bother?
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
Feel my pain and know my hell,
I will ring the eternal bell,
Don't try to run, just stay and cry,
What is a soul,
If not to sell?
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Your god is not mine, and I do not want him,
Run before I corrupt you fully
Who's to say I'm not the Grim?
Come to punish those that sin.
Impossible that is you see
For God does not believe in me,
I did forsake him long ago,
And no God is mine that you shall know.
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything that you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Is everything that you want me to be