I sat there staring blankly at the phone, she'd hung up on me. she only did that when she was beyond upset-i knew that only because it had happened once to me before, that's how much we got that mad at eachother...almost never... i laid back onto my futon and stared at the ceiling for a bit, allowing the phone to slip out of my hand and land on the ground, my eyes closing softly to hide the fact that she was gonna make me cry.

I close my eyes and I can see the day we met

Just one moment and I knew

You're my best friend, do anything for you

"why me?" i muttered, my alter ego taking his vaporous form next to me with a pity filled look on his face, he knew how much she ment to me, my second alter ego had appeared physically only for a moment, she put a hand on my arm and shook her head softly, then bowed it and disappeared, shutting herself in her room in my subconcious, "she knows i love her and Lisa the most out of all, she knows Lisa's the same way i am so why did she accept Lisa's confession but not mine?" i asked, sounding pityful, my male alter ego-who still sat on the futon next to me-shook his head, signaling he didn't know, "she knows...she should of just loved me anyway...she...her...and my mom...why didn't they..."

"They didn't know it hurt you the way it did." he said, i shook my head sadly,

"Jessi should be more open to people and less full of hate if she's as into religion as she says she is, maybe they should just stone me to death for being 'unholy' and 'immoral'. to hell with them." i snapped harshly, he bowed his head, averting his golden eyes from mine and gripping at the hem of the short skirt-like cloth he wore low on his hips between tanned fingers,

"Be nice. they are the only family you'll ever have." he whispered, "And you normally never realize how important that is until they're gone and you can never ever tell them you love them again." he said sadly, i knew he was talking about his sister, but she'd loved him for everything he was-psychotic or not. jessi didn't. if she hated a part of what made me who i was then all the memories and consolations meant absolutely nothing. an entire lifetime of knowing everything about one-another, birthdays, sleepovers, our own little adventures...

We've gone so far, and done so much

And I feel like we've always been together

Right by my side, through thick and thin

You're the part of my life I'll always remember


(Easter a couple years ago at my great aunt's house)

Two brown haired girls stand at the edge of a forest, holding some colored Easter eggs, one of the girls is stooped down, about to pick up another egg but the woods has their attention and they stare into it for a long while before the other girl grabs the egg and her companion's black-clad arm and breaks into a run for a large hous with a well and a willow near it.

(I think a few months after that at my cousin's current house)

The same two girls sit in the living room of a house, a blond haired girl is with them this time, the three are watching a movie, one of the brown haired girls quoting Shakespere along with the character in the movie, the other brown haired girl picking up the next line after that, all three of them laughing after that,

"You know, those three are exactly like us." the brown haired girl with blue-grey eyes and a stuffed cat in her lap remakred with a lopsidded grin, the blond giving a small laugh, hugging her stuffed dolphin and agreeing with her friend,

"That's why i wanted you two to see this movie. i think we're like the Three Musketeers." the last girl said, her cobalt eyes smiling just as much as her mouth, she held a pillow in her lap and looked at her companions, then the girl with the cat put her hand up in the air and said happily,

"I'm Porthos!" her friends laughing and agreeing, then she pointed to the other brown haired girl, "Jessi, you are so definetly Aramis." she said, she blond girl nodding,

"And i'm Athos." she said, they all agreed,

"yup. cranky till the end." Jessi said.


"All for one and one for all!" 'Porthos' yipped happily

(riding camp that summer)

The three girls sat far appart from eachother, 'Porthos' and 'Aramis' on one side over near a tree and 'Athos' over by the fire pit, suddenly, the two cousins' conversation was interrupted by a small girl that they knew as their blond friend's cousin coming over to join them, she handed them a note and stood waiting for a response,

'Why are we fighting again?"

was all it said, 'Porthos' cracked a grin, then looked up at her cousin, and best friend,

"Do you know?" she asked, this had been going on for several days now and she really felt like she was being ripped in half between her two friends, she loved them both like sisters and didn't want anything to come between them. 'Aramis' shrugged with a smile, then she pulled out a pencil and responded,

"Can't remember. but it's kind of silly isn't it."

"yes it is." her cousin said, "if we can't even remember what we're fighting about and we're such good friends."

"then why are we still mad at eachother?"

"i don't really know. (me neither)"

"then let's quit it and make up."


finally the blond came over and joined the two,

"All for one...?" she started,

"and one for all." the cousins finished in a slightly off unison.


But we always did it all together...as friends...as the Three Musketeers...

The time has come

It's for the best, I know it

Who could have guessed that you and I...

Somehow, someday

We'd have to say 'good-bye'

...so why does it have to end now? why can't things just rewind? what do i have to do? i fingered at the two, pink, heart shaped beads on the tattered hand-made choker i never took off, then clutched them tightly in my fist, the choker was a present from my cousin and i felt like if i took it off it'd burst into flames and then blow away as ashes or something. like Jessi would dissapear from my mind forever if i cut it off of my neck. and i don't want her to go away, not now not ever, she's like my blood and Lisa's like my heart, the two of them keep me alive but the heart needs the blood and the blood needs the heart and both need the body, so we can't go on without eachother. it wouldn't be "All for one and one for all" like it always has been.

You've helped me find the strength inside

And the courage to make my dreams come true

How will I find another friend like you?

i'd been hanging on phycologically and emotionaly by a thread for so long because i knew that those two would kill me if i killed myself-that and my attempts at suicide had all been botched up. i knew it would kill them if i died, just like it'd destroy me if anything happened to them, but if she was going to hang up on me after that lameass excuse of 'i hafta do the dishes i'll talk to ya later' then she didn't need me. half of my thread was gone and the other half i couldn't contact at this point. i stood shakily from my futon,

"What are you going to do?"

"Aken, tell them all to find Lisa and stay with her, i'm sorry for doing this to you. i really didn't mean to hurt you too, tell BD not to worry, and if you get the chance, tell Jessi i've gone to hell where the sick and twisted like myself belong and she doesn't have to worry about me polluting the planet with my gayness anymore. and tell her to leave Lisa alone, she doesn't deserve the same shit i just got. tell them..." i turned to look at the dumbfounded spirit, "...i loved them with every part of me and that if not for the fact that i already was trying to make things right for them, i'd die for them any day. tell them they were my family and not just literaly-in Jessi's case-but in every aspect and i never hid anything from them." then i turned to walk out of the room, wishing more then anything that i could just rewind my conversation and keep at least one secret from them.

Two of a kind, that's what we are

And it seemed like we were always winning

But as our team is torn apart

I wish I could go back to the beginning

i got to my parent's room and dug through the drawer, yanking out my dad's hunting knife, Jessi owns two of these was the first thing to pop into my head, but i shook it out, no sense in dying thinking about the past. i walked back down the hall to my room and closed the door, sitting down at my computer i unsheithed the blade, staring at my teary eyes and flushed face, for once i could see emotion in someone's eyes and they were my own. i saw my helplessness and my sadness, i pressed the blade to my throat, over my jugular, and closed my eyes, Lisa and Jessi appearing in front of me for a split second,

The time has come

It's for the best, I know it

Who could have guessed that you and I...

This is for the best...i guess... i thought as i ran the blade across the side of my throat, hissing at the slight sting, but reveling in the sweet pain. i'd found out something while i had self-mutilated myself earlier on, i enjoyed every second of the pain and i always wished for more. now was my chande. my wrists were next, then i put the knife down and laid on my bed, turning on some soft music so i could sleep easier, feeling the dizziness setting in Good-bye, guys, i hope you're better off now. i love you...both...so very much...good-night...

Somehow, someway

We'd have to say 'good-bye'

Jessica Rose Fiore stood in front of her cousin's grave, staring blankly at the freshly laid soil and the tombstone without any religious symbols on it at all,

Katherine Elizabeth Fiore




I think we all knew that this would come.

i just didn't know when the thread would snap.

but it finally did.

so, now i guess my crow is coming.

it had to be this way, though.

it's just easier for all of you.

now i know you're finally purely happy, Aramis.

'Wo Ai Ni', my friends,

"All for one and one for all".

she read the words over and over, the blank, simple, yet intricat and beautiful grave marker said so much,

"for me?" she said, "she did this for me? does she honestly think dying is what i wanted her to do?!" she dropped to her knees and cried, "i...i'm so...sorry..."

a shadow of a ghost stood behind her, a seductive yet foreboding young man stoof next to her with a sadistic grin on his face and cold fire in his snake like eyes, he had his hand around her neck, she bowed her head,

"i'm sorry, Jessi, but it is better this way. i don't want you to live life with the thought that i'm there ruining it on your shoulders." she knelt down and gave her cousin an unfelt hug, "i love..." then she stood up and looked at the man, "i'm ready." she said, "take me where ever you want now, Lucifer. my consciance is cleared." he extended his arm and pointed to a black pit near a grave some ways back, and she walked towards it, knowing what waited for her and hoping she really had made the right choice, Jessi said that what i was was something God didn't like, so by ridding her of me, and my immoral tendancies, i have truely done god's will for her...i can go suffer for my wrongness...

Somehow today... We have to say 'good-bye'...