Forever

They were crying. I watched them not understanding. Nothing seemed to make sense as they wept. Derek was sobbing, and his voice was rising in anger at my friends who were trying to calm him. My Derek. He pushed past our friends, throwing them out of his way as they sought to prevent his escape. He stormed out of the house, the front door slamming behind him.

I followed him, unable to allow him to rush out like that all alone. He was already halfway down the street when I got outside so I had to run to catch up with him. Things were passing in a blur, and I realized that I, too, was crying. I never cried, but seeing him, the one person I loved more than anyone else in the world, in so much pain I could do nothing else.

Derek ran out into the street, intending to cross it. A car skidded to a halt and barely missed him in a squeal of brakes. He whirled, shouting angry words as he pounded on the car's hood. He continued across the street as the driver screamed something out the window. The driver sped past me. I ignored him and instead started after Derek.

He was running now, screaming into the night in agony. I called his name and pursued him through the darkness like a shadow. He didn't hear me through his pain and anguish.

Derek was too young to be feeling this much hurt. Granted he was a year older than me, but eighteen was not old enough to be swallowed in so much grief and torment.

I finally caught him at the corner of the next road. He was kneeling on the ground, sobbing harder, and pressing his fists against his eyes as if that alone could shut out the burning pain flooding through his mind. I stared past him to the flowers strewn over the road and the yellow tape marking off part of the street. I looked down at him as he knelt broken on the ground and saw the bandages wrapped around his arms and the gash on his forehead.

Derek grabbed one of the flowers and crushed it in his hand. He stumbled to his feet and nearly fell as weakness rushed through his trembling form. I reached out to him, to touch is arm, but he moved away. I moved around him so I could face him. His dark blue eyes were wide, wild. The quiet, shy boy I loved was nowhere to be found in those feral eyes.

"Derek," I whispered, but he wasn't looking at me.

He was walking again, this time at a slower pace. I followed at his side and listened to the short gasps that were forced from his lips as he wept softly. I wanted to take him in my arms and comfort him as I had done hundreds of times during the four years we had dated on and off. We had always been friends. Nothing could ever keep us apart.

My earliest memories are of us playing as knights and princesses. He was my knight, my hero. He had once told me that there was no jewel more precious than the one he carried on his arm- me. Derek never said anything he didn't mean so I believed that his words were heartfelt. That first time he whispered he loved me in my ear, I knew that I would be with him forever.

That night, I was sixteen and he seventeen; we made love under the stars while he whispered over and over how much he loved me and how much he needed me. He was always telling me that I was the other half of his soul.

Derek was perfect in everyway. He was always leaving flowers and love poems around for me to find. On my birthday he had given me his high school ring and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. Of course I swore I would! What girl in her right mind would pass up a chance to be with Derek Black forever?

I don't know why he chose me. He was too good for me. I always seem to hurt him even without knowing it. He was so sensitive and so passionate that sometimes I tended to forget how vulnerable he was.

Derek had led us back to his house. He ignored everyone, his parents and brothers, as he headed for his room. The door slammed shut behind me seconds before Derek collapsed onto his bed and buried his face into his pillow.

"Derek, please," I whispered as I moved to the side of the bed.

My eyes landed on the lavender shawl thrown over one of his bedposts. I remembered clearly how it had gotten there. Prom night. That night he had covered every inch of my body in gentle kisses before making tender, blazing love to me. The lovemaking was both gentle and fevered, just like him with his warm and burning touches that left me breathless.

"Oh, Derek," I whispered and reached out to brush my fingers through his hair.

My hand passed through him. He shifted on his bad and sat up. Derek glanced around his room, eyes filled with hope. He found it empty and buried his face in his hands.

I couldn't touch him. I couldn't comfort him. He was lost to me. I threw myself down on the bed, frustration coursing through me like liquid ice, and lay unseen beside him wishing that I could go back and change the past.

We had spent our time in the movie theater more absorbed in each other than the movie. I can't even remember what it was we had gone to see, but I can still recall the feel of every kiss he pressed along my neck and every stoke of his fingers through my hair.

I remember driving home through the silent night. I had teased his thigh with light fingers just to hear his startled laughter. All night I had been fascinated by how handsome he looked in the dark shirt I had given him as a graduation gift.

My mind had wandered back to that thought when another car slammed into my side of the car. I was thrown forward and would have hit the window had the seatbelt not jerked me back against my seat. Great waves of pain had rolled through me in the brief seconds before darkness closed in and swept me away.

My next memories were of finding Derek in a cold, white room. He had appeared so small on the hospital bed with machines hooked to him. I stayed with him, unable to leave him so alone. It didn't matter that I was dead, and that he would never know I was there.

And when he went home I followed.

He cried so much. He talked even less than he had before. Derek stopped eating, only forcing down food when someone stood over him. Derek was drowning in grief and misplaced guilt.

He lowered his hands and reached into the drawer beside his bed. He pulled out a small bottle and stared at it. Suicide, he wanted to kill himself.

Leaning forward I kissed his cheeks, knowing that he wouldn't see me or feel me. I hoped to refresh his memories of our love. Derek threw the bottle across the room and curled into a ball on the bed. He slept, and I with him.

Days, weeks, months, and then years passed with me at his side, even though he would never know I was there. He was empty, a shell of the boy I had known. He never smiled, never laughed. He was alive but not living.

And, one stormy day, his car took a sharp turn.

I couldn't help him, no matter how hard I tried. He couldn't gain control of the car as it spun on the wet road. His car slammed into the guardrail.

And Derek climbed out of the car, looking somewhat stunned. He reached out a trembling hand to touch the broke glass only to have his fingers pass through the shards. He jerked back as horrified understanding filled his eyes.

In a daze he tumbled away from the car and turned. He went still as his eyes focused on me. The horror faded from his eyes as joyous tears streamed down his cheeks. He wasn't sad. No, the shock on his face was one of pure happiness.

"You broke your promise," he said, arms crossing over his chest.

"No, I didn't. I never left you, Derek."

A bright smile curved his lips seconds before his arms curled around me. I returned the embrace eagerly and kissed passionately as I savored his lips, his taste, and his touch. I saw over his shoulder the emergency workers tearing at the car to free him of it.

I pushed him away slightly and smiled up at him.

"It's not your time, Derek. You must go back."

"No, not without you. I can't take another day alone."

"But, Derek, you're not alone. Your family and friends love you. They are there for you, and if you leave now they will be broken."

His eyes begged for understanding as hurt spilled into the sky blue depths. He looked at me as if I didn't want to be with him anymore, and I added, "Besides, you have me, always and forever."

He kissed me again, and I closed my arms around him. I felt him fade seconds before he disappeared.

"I'll wait for you," I whispered as his soul settled back into his body.

He was being wheeled into an ambulance, but I heard him whisper, "Forever...just a little longer."

He was right. A lifetime was not too long to wait for forever.